Did an approach today

ThisPlaceIsNiice · 2019-03-15T12:55:56+00:00

First the positive: props for approaching! It takes a lot of guts. If you work on it, it will net you success.

Now the criticism: the approach wasn't good nor was the conversation. You overwhelmed her with questions interview-style, which made it a really bland and boring conversation. You didn't really make statements at all. A fun conversation also contains flirty behavior like playful teasing, and the "thank god" part was the closest you got to it...but still not close.

I opened with "Hi, whats your name?". And usually after that I get weird looks and surprised looks.

You get them because you ambush them with a question out of the blue. A more sensible approach is to greet them and make a statement of intent. Either open directly by telling her you approached her because you thought she was X, or open indirectly by asking her for directions or pointing out something in the environment. If the first thing she hears from you is a personal question, that's weird as fuck.

Then im guessing we cant go out together cause u need to study

Do you want to go out with her or not? If you want to go out with her, don't remind her why she can't go with you. Likewise, if you want to have a conversation with her, never say things like "so you're busy doing x right now". She'll be like "Oh yeah, I have to get back to it. Bye!"

I'm sorry, do you just walk up to random strangers and do this?

I am not surprised that she asked this. A random stranger walks up to you, you have no idea who he is or what he wants, and he bombards you with personal questions. She probably did not enjoy it at all and threw this question at you both to make you rethink your approach (it was subtle feedback that she does not enjoy interacting with you) and to shit test you. I think you recognized it as a shit test (That's good! Recognizing it is half the battle!) judging by your response "Yeah, to everyone but usually the hot ones", but it is a poor response. You tried to agree & amplify, but what you did was agree & specify, which does not convey that you're not taking her seriously. You should have agreed & amplified at the very least, by saying things like "Yeah, totally, you're the 1000th today. Have a prize!" or reflected by saying "Do you say that to everyone who tries to have a conversation with you?" or things like that. You get the drift. After your poor attempt at A&A followed a poor attempt at qualifying yourself. Don't try to qualify yourself, especially when faced with a shit test.

She was probably creeped out at that point and you pushed for her Instagram. Probably not a comfortable memory for her.

BUT. These are beginner mistakes. You are not a loser; everyone starts small. You need to work on fixing these things and work on your social skills. Learn to make a conversation enjoyable for both sides (there are conversation techniques you can use that will make them flow so much easier), learn how to get to know another person without an interview and learn how to deal with shit tests. Good luck!

Not_My_Real_Acct_ · 2019-03-15T15:51:24+00:00

So basically she was trapped behind you on an escalator, and you demanded that she add you on Instragram?

Ugh.

Why would you do this?

To add insult to injury:

1) you told her that you're in the habit of doing this to attractive women. This lowers your value TWICE. First, you're telling her that's she's attractive, which is the last thing you should tell an attractive woman. And second, that you're in the habit of doing this, which makes you sound creepy.

2) Why would your opener be "what's your name?" That isn't just boring, it's invasive.

This whole thing is cringey.

bugxter · 2019-03-15T13:21:04+00:00

That last part is painful but props to you for being bold.

I would say you may lack some social awareness tho.

Not_My_Real_Acct_ · 2019-03-15T18:18:48+00:00

OP, I just checked out your post history, and this seems to be a pattern:

1) you approach a hot girl on an escalator

2) you tell her she's hot

That will never ever work. It is a complete and utter waste of time.

Attractive women are easily creeped out, because they have guys creeping on them all the time. And even if she wasn't creeped out, paying her compliments is simply putting her up on a pedestal.

You need to re-think this strategy.

WhatsReddit123456 · 2019-03-15T18:35:14+00:00

What is the point of trying to qualify the girl? She already knows you're interested since you initiated with her.

KinoChris · 2019-03-16T00:23:10+00:00

I would to add my thoughts, props for effort. Here is what you did wrong in my opinion

First, you said on your way to work you did approaches otw to work, which isn't bad but not good either.
Reason being. You need to work on state control first. Often times in clubs, bars, etc the energy is high and people are having a good time. So even when you bomb it seems less awkward because that failure/blowout/rejection can easily be handled by fading into the background and never seeing them again. as opposed to broad daylight where its a person to person interaction.

Solution. Learn to get in a better mood. Self amuse. Make yourself happy, and never. I repeat NEVER. Look at approaching as a chore. Look at it as a fun social experiment where you have absolutely nothing to lose.

Second, try implementing the 90- 10 rule. 90 % statements, 10% questions. until you can get to the hook point.

Notice when friends talk, or you talk to your parents. Or anyone who knows each other. There arent many questions being asked. Example

Guy: Im hungry

Girl Me too.
Guy: I wan't to try that new place that opened up down the street

Girl: Oh that place opened up already?

Guy: Yeah, like last week. My friend x got something from there last night. It looked amazing

Girl God, now im starving.

Guy Ok lets go grab a bite.

That's how normal conversation between two people goes. Learn to make statements about who you are, the things you like. You are trying to build rapport during this time. If you ask anyone too many questions they will shut down. But if instead you put yourself out there. and talk about your passions and hobbies and etc. you could then turn it around more naturally like:

Hey I noticed you are wearing a sweater from X college.
Girl: yeah I go to school there.

Me: Yeah i was thinking of applying there, but ended up going to school y because, they had a program i was interested in that x didnt offer. What are you studying there?

Girl I study. blah

Me: oh cool, thats a blank field because x,y,z. I think/feel/know. blah something blah. What made you want to do blah?

My point is, you have to make her feel like part of the conversation. Not THE conversation.

Qualifiers are better used after the hook point, or you come across as offensive, had you used that same line 3-10 minutes later, you may have gotten a much warmer response. But worse you called her a liar after she said "nothing" which isn't bad, but I would've had to been there to see the delivery of the line. A better line would've been a joke there.

You: what's interesting about you?

Her : Nothing...

You: I bet that isnt true, you look like you fly from umbrellas on weekends like Mary Poppins. I bet you have a Rainbow umbrella, and a pet squirrel and you two get into page turning adventures every weekend. *not the best joke, just something i pulled out my ass*

Then im guessing we cant go out together cause u need to study."

The disqualifier wasn't the best one in my opinion. It seemed too shallow especially since there was no rapport.

A good example of disqualifying i used recently was at the bar when a woman was telling me her sexual preferences (we were both drunk) And I replied "that's cute, but i'm still not having sex with you"

The reason that worked is because, I had built enough rapport for her to talk about sexual topics, without feeling weird. And by taking it off the table, i remain in control of the situation. I framed the interaction to "I will not have sex with you" as to you framed "we can't go out" it's vague and un calibrated for the moment.

All in all though, good job on getting out there. Lord knows i've probably had WAY worse expereinces.

Best Regards
KinoChris

Title	Did an approach today
Author	oothalpee
Upvotes	7
Comments	15
Date	March 15, 2019 12:33 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/b1edrl/did_an_approach_today/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/did-an-approach-today.1464392 https://theredarchive.com/post/1464392

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