Different kind of [FR]

iwenttocharlenes · 2012-08-23T22:02:32+00:00

Baby steps are good. If you aren't used to getting any numbers, than one number is an improvement--as they say, no matter how slow you're going, you're lapping everybody on the couch.

As for your attitude about tanning salon girl--not a fan. If you expect this, you will have a hard time coming across as a fun, playful guy with confidence.

Instead, you should be outcome independent--you are not affected by how people react to you. You are the shit, you think hey, she seems like a cool girl, I'll see if she wants to go out sometime, but if not, who gives a fuck--I'm awesome, there's a whole city full of women within reach, any of whom would be lucky to talk to me.

Instead of seeking her approval, (go out with me!!!) she she be seeking YOUR approval--this is a hard thing to pull off, and I certainly falter in striving to accomplish it, but give it a try, stick with the outcome independent thing, and give it a whirl.

Best of luck, sah.

Edit: also, it may be helpful for you to think of it like a game, at first. Sure, down the line you want this to be second nature, but for now, if you think of it like a game, and play by the rules, you'll be more concerned with following the rules and less concerned with worrying about your AFC reactions.

Before, I'd be quick to help a girl with some bullshit task and slow to let my intentions be known--and while these still may be somewhat gut reactions, they aren't the rules. Rule: don't jump through hoops for a girl. I fixate on that instead of worrying about getting her to like me (because she'll like me more if I follow the rules). Perhaps a roundabout way of thinking, a little, but it works.

askinnymotherfucker · 2012-08-24T00:21:29+00:00

This sedditor is a 19 y/o M with a history of AFCism.

Chief complaint: "I'm expecting rejection or a negative outcome."

Assessment & Plan:

This is a 19-year-old gentleman with outcome dependence and negative mindset.

Foster outcome independence. Your goal when you talk to that girl at your tanning salon isn't to get her number. Your goal is to talk to her. At this stage, don't set goals whose outcome you can't control. (I.e., be outcome independent.)
Don't think "I'm going to get shut down." Don't think anything negative at all. Think something more like "----" or if you can't just think blank thoughts, think "well, this will be fun: win, lose, or draw." It's not negative to get blown out; it's fun. It's not negative to have a so-so conversation; it's better than just sitting quietly if your goal was really to go talk to someone.
Continue forging ahead.

frifri · 2012-08-23T23:43:12+00:00

DGAF. Go for it. It worked? good! It did not? NEEEEXXXT!

winningTheInterview · 2012-08-24T04:00:10+00:00

I don't have advice, but I do have feedback, which is that you're doing great. You're making progress, which is more than I can say for an AFC. Keep up the good work!

aaaaalvin · 2012-08-24T15:22:03+00:00

Tanning salon.....?

NaughtyAudio · 2012-08-24T21:08:56+00:00

Expecting is negative outcome is really going to kill you here. Think about it, even if you ask for a girl's number and don't get it, you still feel good because you put it out there and asked, or at least I do. Positive outcome #1. If you ask and she gives it to you, then you've got it and you feel good because you put it out there and got something back. Positive outcome #2.

There are no negative outcomes because the perceived negative outcomes only make you stronger, which is a positive.

Title	Different kind of [FR]
Author	Soul_Baby
Upvotes	4
Comments	7
Date	August 23, 2012 9:21 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ypu14/different_kind_of_fr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/different-kind-of-fr.1337805 https://theredarchive.com/post/1337805

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