Here is something I've experienced lately that some might be able to relate to.

When it comes to dating advice everybody says "don't be desperate, focus on yourself and the girls will come when you don't even need them".

The main issue with that advice is it's like telling someone starving not to be hungry. It's not really possible. And believe me there are many attractive desperate men AND women out there. You might not believe that because you aren't on their radar, but they are desperate for people they feel are on their level. So desperation never stopped anything.

As for getting women by working on yourself that is simply not possible unless you are really attractive and women approach you. I've worked a good job that pays well, hit the gym, started to dress well, took up sports hobbies. It felt good but that didn't make a single woman look my way, I still had to put in the work. A woman isn't going to drop from the sky into your bed because you are "working on your purpose". What it did do was make me more confident to approach her because my life was stable and satisfactory. I wasn't putting on a front about who I was, it was evident from the energy I put out there.

Let me tell you something that happened recently. I was very nervous about asking someone out I know casually. And I haven't talked to a girl basically since the pandemic so my confidence is low. To calm my nerves I started speaking to a different girl who although I find her attractive wasn't really on my radar. We had a good convo and built a rapport. I started speaking to this other girl and somehow I felt much more confident. I wasn't even trying to pick her up I just used her as a distraction from my real target. You see I needed to talk to a woman to feel confident with women. The confidence came naturally. However I would not have gained that confidence if all I did was mind my business. This other attractive girl gave me HER number.

This isn't a humble brag or anything, and I'm not using this one little scenario to base my argument on. I am just trying to say that to get better with women you need to interact with women and someone has to give you that opportunity. Until then you will be starving and desperate because you need to eat. So telling people not to be desperate is silly advice. Just don't make a fool of yourself or sacrifice your morals to get with the opposite sex.