Everything I know so far is wrong.

caesarfecit · 2019-10-26T02:53:47+00:00

Hmm, a challenge.

How to explain women to a guy who is alienated from them?

That's not a putdown, I suspect a lot of men are in a similar boat. Either they had a bad relationship with their mother (or no mother figure like you OP), or they were badly socialized, or they got totally taken for a ride by a bad one. A lot of women feel similarly about men for similar reasons, many of them are feminists.

Perhaps the best way I can explain it is this: that side of you that comes out when you talk to women, the one you're ashamed of and think makes you look like a chump? That's your repressed feminine anima coming out, in response to their female energy.

We all have a masculine and feminine side to our personalities. Doesn't mean you're trans or effeminate, in most people their same-sex aspect is the dominant one in their personality. But we do have an opposite-sex aspect to our personality, women too. When a woman is behaving like a "bitch", that's her masculine animus coming out. It confuses other people because most people behave like a man or woman and when that opposite side comes out, it's weird and strange - like their shadow side emerging.

Anyway, my point is that women aren't that hard to understand once you get in touch with your feminine anima. It's part of the purpose of having those two sides, to allow us both to relate to the opposite sex, and not be totally dependent on the opposite sex for what the masculine and feminine bring to the table. Women needed the animus to find the strength to defend their children. Men needed the anima in order to anticipate the moves of animal prey and human enemies. That's why the art of strategy is represented by a goddess (Athena). Your anima is likely deeply repressed, like it is in a lot of guys, but because it and you are so starved of female attention, it can't help but come out. And it doesn't come out in a trickle, it comes out in a flood.

What really separates women from men is they're much more emotionally sensitive, and much more sensitive to cues from other people and their environment. In the same way that guys can learn and perfectly recall all the intricacies and details of a sport, a woman can often read a room full of people in a similar fashion. Their empathy can almost become a sixth sense and reveal things about themselves and others that nobody would have suspected without it.

Women are also much more creative I suspect than the average guy, much more intuitive, and their unconscious is less repressed. I also suspect it takes far less to sexually arouse a woman than it does for a man. That's one of the reasons why women repress their sex drives, and some give up on that entirely and become sex workers. One of things you'll learn about women is when they're with a guy they trust and they're attracted to, their horniness could put most guys to shame, they literally become ravenous - once again, the shadow masculine side coming out a little.

Part of the reason why you're ashamed of your feminine anima is because it's not what women want in a man, the same way most men don't want to date a very masculine woman. It allows you to relate to them and become their friend, but it doesn't attract them or make them respect or admire you. In fact, a lot of women have no respect for male vulnerability (for a variety of different reasons but that's a different story) and will take advantage of it.

What women really want is a man that challenges them, but wants them. Who doesn't take them too seriously, but will step up, take responsibility, ask her out and kill the spiders - because he can. A guy who is worthy of chasing intimacy with. Women will chase that feminine side of you, once you know how to attract them.

Ultimately, women are the equal and opposite of men. They are strong where we are weak and vice versa. And we need each other deep down. A good woman can be one of the greatest catalysts of personal growth for a man and vice versa.

Oh and read Models if you haven't already.

smoothmax · 2019-10-25T23:18:35+00:00

You've read The Six Pillars of Self Esteem and No More Mr Nice Guy? If not I would start there.

Afterwards, maybe The Rational Male to transition from self help to dating and pickup.

boodie_1961 · 2019-10-26T05:40:14+00:00

What I always say, learn to read the body language. Plenty of videos on YouTube. If a girl is flirting, she will signal it. Then, if you want, you can reciprocate. If she's not giving these positive signals, the interaction is purely social, professional, casual, etc and you shouldn't put any "romantic" expectations into it, nor, worse of all, try to force an awkward attempt of seduction.

Hardbarka · 2019-10-26T09:30:15+00:00

Just treat them like normal people and you’ll get laid

boodie_1961 · 2019-10-25T23:06:42+00:00

Their gender dictates some of their traits and stereotypical behavior, but they are human beings, too, with a lot of insecurities. Apart from that, you have to be "outcome independent", e.g. , when interacting, don't fixate on seduction or validation

yrogerg123 · 2019-10-26T07:49:03+00:00

I am far too emotional with girls. As soon as we get talking, I get sooo deep and philosophical. I reveal too much of my inner self - something I would never ever fathom if I was talking to a male friend.

I guess I'm missing the part where this is bad. All you're missing is escalation.

And really, you don't need to trust her necessarily. The beauty of the game is you don't need ro chase anybody who knows anybody in your life. Trust only matters if you're going to be exclusive. If not, what's she realistically going fo do if she knows nobody in your life? Just enjoy the process.

For me, it's like this: I want sex, I want connection. I want to feel seen and accepted. I want to feel her orgasm, I want to hear her moan.

I like the feeling of wondering if I'm going to have sex. I like the moment of finding out I'm going to.

What are you in this for?

Wumbo123 · 2019-10-26T02:40:49+00:00

I’m the same way man. Last week, I went to visit my friend at college and I stayed over at his dorm one night, hung out with him the next day and went to a frat party later that night, and ended up meeting a pretty girl at the party. She lived on the same floor as my friend did, so I slept over at her dorm the second night that I was up at that college. We didn’t have sex, just because her dorm mate was also in the room.

The walk back from the party, as well as whenever we were cuddling together in her bed, was full of conversation; everything clicked so well between us. There were points in which I, just like you, started talking a little too philosophically and deep about my own confidence, and though she may or may not have enjoyed it, I realized it didn’t matter anyway. It’s a week later now, and I hear from my friend that she went home with some other dude she met on Tuesday.

Now, you and I maybe have some different circumstances or backgrounds, since I’m just 18 and this was pretty much just a hookup situation with a random girl I met at college. However, I can completely understand how you get emotionally invested in someone, if even for a short time, and you let all your character be shown out to the girl you’re with since you believe that you and her have clicked so well.

I understand respecting women too much as well. Not in a “I’m a nice guy, why won’t girls have sex with me?” kind of way, just genuinely respecting them and not wanting to push any boundaries too far.

In your case, I might think it would be best to treat other women as what they are, just regular people. Respect them as you respect your other guy friends and acquaintances. You and I both have to work on our self confidence enough so we don’t immediately openly share our mindsets and deeper characters to any girl just because we got to spend a couple dates with them. Only after becoming acquainted with a special girl, and spending large amounts of time with them, should they be deemed “worthy” (for lack of a better term) of directly knowing your philosophies. If she’s attracted to you or your character in any way in the first place , she’ll definitely be interested in what you believe in, but it’s by exposing yourself so suddenly or so soon that happens to be your (and probably my) downfall. There’s no more mystery to us anymore if we just suddenly broadcast our complexities and intricacies to someone else, there’s little to no point in them spending their time to get to know us further if we’ve already told them everything there is to know.

I believe that, by only indirectly showing your character through your actions, you will subconsciously build attraction in the person you’re also attracted to. Thus, once you get closer and develop a deeper bond with them, you’re then able to explain why you do things the way you do, and the person you’re attracted to will be enraptured by you even more. Through this, I think you’ll even discover more about yourself than you knew before, which is a truly appreciable outcome.

———————————————————————————

Forgive me if any of this sounds odd or preachy, I’m coming down off the common cold and I’m writing this on my phone in bed at 10:30pm. Please reply to this comment or message me and we can talk more about this or anything else you have on your mind!

2019-10-26T03:51:37+00:00

Imagine the next girl you talk to has a penis, and it's her job to prove to you she doesn't. You'd treat her normally instead of worrying about seducing her. Ok my idea is pretty silly and might work as an experiment. But you really just need to talk to a lot of women that you arent attracted to to build skill.

My father never taught me how to interact with girls and I was hopeless until past your age. At least you have advice on the internet. You'll do fine in time but don't beat yourself up. Could be worse, you could have STD or gotten some loser pregnant.

Take a hard look at yourself and I bet you'll find you're being creepy/desperate.

Title	Everything I know so far is wrong.
Author	ErnestlyDorianGrey
Upvotes	13
Comments	14
Date	October 25, 2019 10:57 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/dn5b60/everything_i_know_so_far_is_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/everything-i-know-so-far-is-wrong.1482169 https://theredarchive.com/post/1482169

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