Feel like a failures with women.

Jhadiro · 2021-05-03T15:43:40+00:00

I've had an issue like this in the past. I cured it by becoming way too busy and kinda half- not wanting a woman in my life. But as I am a man who enjoys the company of lady from time to time I found myself a few girlfriends over the past year.

I live a similar lifestyle to you, gym, hobbies, friends, great job. With my current girlfriend, I see her maybe once or twice a week. I only text her to find out when she's free, maybe an occasional meme. I give her my full attention when I'm with her, and 0 attention when she is away. This has worked out great so far. Both her and my interest have remained. It's very relaxed and casual and neither of us are dropping everything for eachother.

I am a romantic person, so it's nice to treat a girl and not have her freak out because she thinks I'm crazy in love with her. I just enjoy sharing my love and having a kick ass time!

RowAccomplished702 · 2021-05-03T15:39:31+00:00

I am in the same boat as you. A lot of wins in life and failed every time when it comes to girls. I see guys without a job getting laid.

Whenever I see a couple walking around, my heart aches. I wish I could have that...

quantumactual · 2021-05-03T16:14:00+00:00

Seems like you have a lot going for you, which is the most important thing.

The hard part is out of the way, namely, getting a life. Making yourself interesting. Etc.

The easy part is going out with your friends, enjoying yourself, and casually scanning the room for any women fancying you.

See, one thing I failed to realize when I was younger, is that not every woman will be into you.

Sure, that seems obvious. But what I’m saying is - there might be a very attractive woman who is into you, whom you might think wouldn’t give you the time of the day, whereas there might be a less attractive girl who won’t give you a chance ever.

So basically, in short, go for what you can get. Don’t waste any time with women who aren’t interested in you - you’ll be able to tell almost immediately if that’s the case.

Go out and focus on having a good time first, then while you’re feeling light and playful, strike up random conversations with women who are close by. This alone will give you a great opportunity to see if any women noticed you do that, because those will be the ones you want to go for.

RProgrammerMan · 2021-05-03T17:22:26+00:00

I know the feeling my man. For me, I had a lot of trauma in my childhood. My mother was verbally abusive with me and my dad was a poor role model. My older brother is autistic so I was not socialized well as a kid. I wonder if you have anything similar in your life? I feel these things stopped me from developing relationship skills most people take for granted. One theory in “game” is that it’s social skills that attracts a woman rather than bullet points on a resume. The reason being these things act on the animal instincts that drive female attraction as compared to things that act on the rational part of their brain like having a good job.

PsychologicalLog4022 · 2021-05-03T17:32:31+00:00

Honestly, coming from a woman I think you are a catch. Girls don't give you the time of day because you don't think they do. Do not treat yourself like someone who needs the opinions of other girls, because a lot of them have a unstable self image that they project on to others. You can be a guy with a secure attachment style, knowing how to give and receive but the girls you meet or go for don't know how to interact with people who can do this for themselves or others. Thats why they might be rude or overtly dismissive. At the same time, chasing and getting too excited is never a good idea. Showing interest is good and giving people their time and space is better, since it gives them time to miss you. But at the same time, do not feel so beat down because a lot of people don't know the basics of giving and receiving positive energy, attention and affection. I am someone who is like this but learning to change. The problem lies in girls too and you don't want to attract an insecure partner either, so don't feel like a failure.

DudeFromTheBigShort · 2021-05-03T16:37:40+00:00

I feel that I am in the identical boat as you. I am realizing now that what fucks me up is this: showing that I am too eager to be with them, and that I like these girls quite a lot. I am quite enthusiastic, so when I like something/someone I like to dedicate time and attention to a given activity, hobby, or a girl in this case.

But what I came to realize in the last two months is this: girls probably get the vibe that I am into them more than they are into me. And that must be a turn off for them. Moreover, when my female friends bring up men that pursue them, number one complaint I hear is "Oh, this is too much!!" or "Oh I am just gonna chat with this guy he's fun!"

So, you are 100% correct. They just get eager/needy vibes form you. I failed to advance with very awesome girls in the last three months because of this, and basically I naturally give new ladies I meet less attention. Partially, because I realize I shouldn't do it. Partially, because of these past experiences I just don't feel like putting too much out there for her.

So, keep at it, and you, and I, will get there. Enjoy the things that you have going on for you.
Also, I started playfully withholding information from them. When she asks what do I do, I answer "I do bank robberies and trains heists" and we joke about that. I am also not american and have a slight accent, so when she asks "Where are you from" I say "I can't tell you or they'll come after you". Basically, find a way to stay mysterious and fun.

Hope this helps

ObjectSpirited494 · 2021-05-03T22:13:31+00:00

Focus on yourself, you sound like you are an excellent place in life. Keep on your trajectory and less and less quality men will be in your way and more and more quality women. They will be after you, trust me. I was in your shoes

ThuleanBeast · 2021-05-07T16:09:53+00:00

I just get so excited and kinda chase them and scare them away. Im very passionate.

You just said it yourself. Sounds like you get too clingy and are being too emotional, which will make you come across as feminine

Title	Feel like a failures with women.
Author	Potential-Guidance-8
Upvotes	8
Comments	18
Date	May 3, 2021 2:30 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/n3xj3l/feel_like_a_failures_with_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/feel-like-a-failures-with-women.1285100 https://theredarchive.com/post/1285100

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