When it comes to approaching HBs during the day, I tend to overthink and rationalise why I should NOT approach her. (I'm sure most of you have been there.)

I'm trying out this mindset that I read in another forum when it comes to day game (courtesy of MagicMan). It's applying a 'Curiosity/Experimental frame vs goal-obsessed frame'. It's basically all about trying to break the social barriers and limiting beliefs embedded into us by social norm -- kinda like what Tyler was emphasising on the first party of Blueprint Decoded.

The reason we get approach anxiety is because we're limited several beliefs society has placed to us. Approaching HBs on the streets and randomly talking to them is inappropriate. What if she already has a boyfriend? What would everyone around the area think of me? I'd get laughed at, wouldn't I?

You know what? Get out there and test these limiting beliefs for yourself.

Start from as simple as asking for a direction to an HB "Do you know where the nearest toilet is?" and thread a conversation from there.

[FR]

I made a conscious decision to start developing on my day game and made a huge step today. I made a cold and direct approach to an HB.

I saw her sitting by herself in the foodcourt and I figured, If I need to be good at day game, I gotta start doing direct approaches. If I ever fail, then I know that it's all part of the process.

So I went over to her, tapped her shoulders and sat down, eye level.

Me: Hey, I thought I'd say hi. I think you're pretty cute. smiles.

HB: Oh hi. smiles. Actually, I already have a boyfriend. But we can still talk.

Me: Oh. I saw you eating a salad and cringed. I'm going vegetarian at the moment. I'm kruunch. offer for a handshake

HB: takes the handshake. Hey, I'm blah blah blah blah

And then we had a pretty good conversation, to my surprise. It wasn't as bad as I thought. I didn't close her or anything, but I learned A LOT about myself with just that interaction.

[Observations]

  • I broke my frame as soon as she mentioned that she had a boyfriend. Well, it made me realise that I'm VERY goal-oriented.
  • As soon as I realised that, she took hold of the conversation. To mitigate this, I would cut her out mid-sentence and ask a question.
  • I kept a stable eye contact, kino and made sure I smiled.
  • I talked at a faster pace. Dammit.
  • I have this little voice to do something gamey (kino, kino, neg, DHV, kino, watch your body language and your tone, etc) which I'm trying to suppress. Probably brought up by too much PUA theory I expose myself to.
  • I was VERY conscious about my body language. I kept shifting myself away from her as I didn't want to look too engrossed. I felt like a foot trying to wiggle out of a small annoying pebble stuck in the shoe.

But you know what? At the end of the day, I felt good. It's not like any approaches I've done where I would observe the surroundings and comment on it (Wygant-esque) and volley it to an HB. So, to be able to experience and learn so much from it was very satisfying. I'm definitely gonna go out there, experiment and learn.