This is a story of how I won over a girl by winning over the group, only to lose her by not having the balls to escalate sexually.

BACKSTORY:

I've been working on inner game for the last year and a half, and it's been paying off in spades. I now look better, dress better, and am more athletically fit than most other males (to this end, I highly recommend using Kinobody for bodybuilding with the goal of aesthetics in mind, rather than looking like Lou Ferrigno).

Despite this, I'm highly lacking in outer game, which has cost me quite a few opportunities - for all intents and purposes, I look like a fucking cool dude. I just don't act like one, yet. Often, people will receive me incredibly warmly, only to realize that I'm not as slick as I look.

VENUE:

If you didn't know, PAX East is a gaming convention for hardcore nerds. I used to attend, but didn't feel like going this year. However, a friend told me about a free afterparty to crash, so that's exactly what I did.

FIELD REPORT:

I get into the afterparty and it's filled with nerds. I open EVERYBODY, and I mean EVERYBODY. I see a cosplayer dressed as Ash Ketchup: I walk over and tell him his costume is awesome. I see a cute but incredibly nerdy girl with green hair, with a form-fitting R2D2 dress thingy: I tell her I love her dress and she joins my table. I meet a super hot girl with red anime hair (apparently a youtube pseudo-celeb) and tell her how much I'm digging her hair. She's not super-receptive, but it doesn't matter to me that much.

Especially at a gaming convention where everybody is fully decked in nerd attire, it's EXTREMELY EASY to open. I discover a neat trick to open any hot girl - just walk up and say "you're big on youtube right?" or "you're big in the cosplay community, right?" Those that are will blab on and on about their website. Those that aren't will say "no," but at that point you're already in anyway. I not only apply this trick to girls, but to guys as well - "Holy shit dude, your hair is awesome," "That tattoo is fucking awesome," basically commenting on any aspect of their appearance.

I open tons of all male or married sets, which is ultimately pretty useful - one dude I talked to in line ends up paying for my coat check. Another dude I had been talking to earlier sees me on the periphery of the dance floor. When I tell him that I was mustering the balls to talk to a hot chick, he says "DUDE. YOU NEED A DRINK!!!" and promptly buys me one on the spot.

After the drink, I see my target: a waifish hipster girl who is small and fucking hot. Her hair is short and feathery and I use that as an excuse to talk to her.

"Hey, I just wanted to tell you that your hair is amazing." She says thanks, and I say "Looks like we have the same hairdresser" (I also have highly stylized hair). She laughs. I maintain good eye contact. "What's your name?" "Carly." I engage the rest of her group by putting my hand around her waist and pulling her to my side. "Who makes the better anime character, her or me?" Half the group is still apprehensive about me, the other half seems impressed. I release Carly and start to ask about other members of the group. Not a minute has passed, and Carly turns her back to me and begins talking to some random dude outside of their posse. Uh...okay. Not a problem, I guess. I keep on talking to the rest of the group, and am beginning to win them over. One average-looking girl in a red dress seems to really like me, and repeatedly tells me "Dude! you are fucking awesome!"

After shooting the shit with them for some time, I excuse myself and go open some more sets. I discover that the same kino trick I used with Carly is pretty easy to pull of in any circumstance: after opening a cute Korean girl, I pull her to my side and ask her friends "She plays cello, I play Starcraft; who makes the better Asian?" I have the circle's complete attention, and they take turns asking me who I am, etc etc. I want to get back to Carly's group, so I excuse myself.

As I walk back to the dance floor, Red Dress sees me and she pulls Carly over, saying "Look, he's back! He's back!" This is an unexpected but pleasant surprise. She pushes Carly in my direction, and for the first time in the evening, I have her isolated. Red Dress says again, "dude you are fucking awesome, you should come back and have shots with us later." I turn to Carly and begin saying some banter. Red Dress asks, "are you hitting on my friend?" I say, "maybe." She says, "you better not hurt her, okay?" while pushing my chest. "Ooh, he has a nice chest" she tells Carly. Then she skedaddles.

This is where any man worth his weight would've moved in for the kill. I wish I did as much. But I didn't. I didn't kino. I didn't escalate. I said, "I didn't have a chance to talk to you earlier because you did the hot girl backturn." Then proceeded to ask a bunch of interview questions. We made small talk and both her interest and eye contact dwindled. As the music grew louder, we began dancing. But not sexually, and without physical contact. She became sucked into the crowd of moving bodies, and for the rest of the night she danced on, surrounded by a circle of satellite males.

AFTERMATH:

There are two key points I need to improve:

  • Kino escalation
  • Sexual/playful banter

I'm a master of non-sexual communication, but for some reason cannot fluently bring interaction into the realm of sexuality. I've since watched the How to Kino series on youtube, which is a pretty damn good primer. But as everything in pickup, it takes action to put theory into practice, and to figure out what works or doesn't work for me in particular.

Another mistake I made - RSD has recently been pushing the importance of NOT CONVEYING VALUE. The idea is, if you're chill, and have the audacity to talk to and hook a girl, she already thinks you're cool. She's yours. By wasting time on trying to convey value (talking to and charming the rest of the group to the extent I did), she thinks "Um, a cool guy would be touching me and flirting with me right now, not milling about like he's doing. Ergo, I guess he's actually not cool." By trying so hard to convey value, you ironically project your lack thereof.

Those are my own two cents. I welcome any constructive criticism.