Frustrated recovering AFC here. Here is an attempt at a FR to both vent and educate, while asking questions of the seddit community.

Short background. Met a girl in a class of mine, learned through a mutual friend she was talking positively about me after we had one conversation. Beforehand, she did not seem terribly interested, so always assume attraction. End up getting her number a short while later. Didn't talk to her for like 3 weeks at all due to other things going on. Hit her up after said 3 weeks, she responds very quickly with "So when are we gonna hang out?". Game on, and I do not even remember saying we would hang out.

We went out to dinner after finally getting logistical shit worked out. Connected a lot on different levels, some of them very unique (she, like me, likes guns. Very rare and personal DHV.) Head back to my house and watch some music videos on my bed. Up to here, she seemed to have semi closed body language / not matching my rapport.

But fuck me, I could not get out of my head and take some initiative. I was thinking way to much, and waiting for a "better" opportunity. Even when I knew her leaning back on my bed was PLENTY of open body language to go for the make out. She had said earlier that she had a party to attend tonight, so I knew a timetable was in play. Time passed on, and I could not man up.

Finally she says she has to go, and I wait until she has her coat on and is basically suited up for the door. Somehow, it was at this point I decide to make the k close. Which was good, though she was a little surprised and said "You wait til now, when I have to leave?" Her mood seemed pleasant from the kiss, but put off due to my taking so long. From here on I went into my much more seductive, teasing mode. I find this difficult to do without establishing concrete IOIs from a girl. She starts shit testing me a little bit about it, the whole time I am teasing/kissing her more with the knowledge that she is semi receptive.

The point of semi failure occurred to me when she said something along the lines of "I need to go to this party. You suck (somewhat playfully)."

I reply, "I know...but you don't have to go. But I think you will, because you are a good friend."

Her reply shocked me into AFC answers: "Will I?"

My fucking AFC manual reply: "Will you?". Note that here, I could have replied with something like "Not just yet" and initiated much more make-out or more. I am very confident in my attractiveness after a kiss, and am sure I could have teased her a LOT more and created a lot more attraction. But I didn't, and that is the lesson here.

Maintaining frame is critical. I was in and out occasionally over the night, slightly thrown off by her display of value versus other girls I have been seeing lately. This is in spite of the fact that I was EXTREMELY confident I had her hooked from day 1, and very confident, at a minimum, I could make a heavy make out session occur. I was not even looking for a lay yet, but frame loss screwed me into too much thought and worry of what would happen if she was not in fact attracted to me. I just needed to vent, but fuck I am so frustrated and aggravated with myself. Way more so than I would have been if I went for something, and she did not reciprocate at all. This is because I know I displayed AFC lack of confidence that she definitely picked up on.

The community has always exhibited that confidence is attractive, but we need to also be aware that lack of confidence is often unattractive. Something I need to learn is that there is no baseline maintained by not taking action. Unless you are already friends, you are constantly either becoming more or less attractive. Not taking action because you are afraid it will lower attraction or put her off will cause just such an effect.

The good news is I think she is still attracted and she wants to hang out again soon, so it is not a lost cause. I just want to make others aware how critical frame is. This lack of frame lead me to appear much less confident, which is very very bad. I do not necessarily believe in the "fake it till you make it" mantra, but it is assuredly important in creating confidence and the image of confidence. If you can be confident enough to make a move, you will increase her attraction which should reciprocate your confidence.

Now I need to figure out how to reclaim an image of dominance and confidence, without looking like I give two fucks about the way things played out. Any suggestions on this front? I plan on doing the typical hang out and watch a movie (haha watch), but engaging in against-the-Geneva-Conventions levels of teasing/push-pull/heavy kino. The plan here is to display no fucks given while raising attraction/physicality, then pulling back at the height of arousal to create sexual frustration.

Two last questions as well: She claimed I am a tease and that it was good and bad, but not harshly so. I am not sure what to think about this. I said I did not think I was, then said maybe a tiny bit with a sly smile. Is this just a shit test or indicative of something I am missing entirely? Secondly, we also have class tomorrow. Should I take any action there? EDIT: formatting.