Hey guys, I've been reading seddit for a while and trying to incorporate various little things I've learned into my every day interactions.

 

ME

A little bit about myself: I'm 20, a virgin, I like to consider myself decent / good looking, I keep myself well dressed and well trimmed, and put in effort. I am very natural in conversing with women and have some good female friends. I'm not great at escalating and have never tried to close. I started reading this reddit a few weeks ago and have since then only been in events with friends and classmates. I'm studying Law and the events/parties I go to are law events where I know a vast majority of people. When I go to these events my focus is on having fun and not on picking up girls, and I have started having a lot more fun.

 

GOAL

My goal for this night was to have fun, not hook up with anyone. This story is mainly about my interactions with my female friends who I want to be friendly with because they go to my college, they are in committed relationships, and I see them every day so I don't want it to get awkward. With girls who aren't in committed relationships and in my college who I have no fear of it being awkward and what not, well I'll start trying to game with them eventually.

 

Differences Due to Seddit

The main differences I have made to my interactions with people after following this subreddit is that I hold eye contact and (I feel) am being a lot more "considerate" -- not sure if thats the right word but have you ever been talking to someone and felt like they're really listening to you? I feel like thats what I'm doing now -- and I feel like I'm holding myself better (posture, more confidence, that kinda stuff).

 

Weird Thing I Noticed

Whenever I was talking to my female friends who were in a relationship before this never brought up their boyfriends. I never really questioned it, I just thought it was normal, since it was clear I wasn't making any effort.

 

The Night

 

The Start

A few days ago a lot of our classmates were celebrating having finished a final and were at a bar. I had predrinks with my friends, lets call them the 'popular guys', these guys are good looking, exude confidence, and well liked by everyone (not sure how exactly I got into this friend group but I'm really happy I did) and I walked into the bar with them and sat in and started talking to them and people who were sitting near us. I was talking about whatever and just smiling and having a good time. Female friends came by and starting conversing with us and we just had a natural conversation about anything and everything (that was not about the final. Whenever anyone brought it up I shot it down hard. Terrible final, would only ruin the mood). Went from talking about great drug experiences to looking at one of the females old cringy fb profile pictures. Time flew by as stories were being told and I was having fun. As this was happening the 'popular guys' had slowly gotten up started grabbing drinks one after another and started doing their own things, and some other guys came and sat near me and there was room for more people.

 

Part One

One of my closer female friends, lets call her 'FF1' (who is in a committed relationship) came up put her hands on my shoulders, I turned around, saw her, smiled. Originally when I came into the bar with my friends I didn't notice her and I just sat down, as I sat down I saw her in a group of other friends talking and having fun, I didn't care to approach because she was in the middle of a group and I decided I would do it when I'm done talking to whoever was sitting near me. Clearly she came to me first. She started talking asking about my day as I was sitting down, I felt a little uncomfortable looking up to her, and I didn't really wanna get up either, so I told her to grab a seat next to me. She sat down next to me, her chair was really close, and as we finished talking we moved towards the entire group. She started telling a story about when we first met and tried to embarrass me. I put my arm around her shoulder and get close, laughing remembering the story. genuine kino. When we first met I called her old (she's 5 years older than me) and she said ya she has lines on her forehead, so I told her to wear more makeup. She was already wearing makeup and it was clearly a joke, and she went with it. She brought this story up, we both laughed. We drank some shots, and were just having a great time.

 

Part Two

Two more female friends come into the bar. They're best friends with each other. Lets call them 'FF2' (engaged to someone) and 'FF3' (in a relationship). I walk up to them, making a little triangle between us. I spread my arms out trying to say like 'heeeyyy you guys made it!' and FF3 took this to mean I'm going in for a hug, I go with it and hug her. FF2 says "oh wow saying Hi with a hug!". I said "I was just tryna say heeyyy but she went for it so oh well" and smiled not sure if this was a great move but what-ever. I then went for a hug with FF2 and she hugged back. We started talking and she's told FF3 that we're friends, and I was like yeah we are! I remember the first time I talked to you. We were at a law firm mix n mingle where I talked to her for the first time, I started that off saying "hey we're in the same class!" and she had to think for a while before saying "'ya I think we are".

Side note: There are two sections in our year, this girl is in my section and I sat next to this girl a few times and I know she checked me out. I know she knew we were in the same class.

I brought the fact that she didn't know me at the law firm, and she apologized saying "I just get flustered sometimes so I said I didn't know, im sorry!!". I left it at that and just talked, kept eye contact, did small kino wherever possible. Tequila shots, I explained how this was my first one, FF2 said she hated tequila shots due to stories in mexico, FF3 was having fun. FF3's boyfriend came to the pub, FF3 left to talk to him, I talked to FF2 alone and we got to talking about the next final, I ask for notes she says yeah. Gives me her phone and tells me to put my number, she's drunk so she opens the phone app, I just call myself and then text her my name and email. I give her phone back, and we just talk and chill. FF2 told me I have to meet FF3's boyfriend (no idea why) so I went, realized I knew this guy, caught up had a good time. FF2 and I are talking again, she randomly says "want to see pictures of my fiancee", I say "sure." She realizes she has to go home so she doesn't show me the pictures and leaves with FF3 and FF3's boyfriend.

 

Part 3

I find my way back to the 'popular guys' and just talk to them and whoever they're talking with. After a while I spot FF1 alone so I walk over to her again and we walk and sit next to a group. We all start talking and I say that "she's full of herself" (which she isn't). She gets noticeably upset and I apologize (you guys are gonna call me a bitch and stuff but I'm not trying to 'game' her she's a friend and if I genuinely hurt a friends feelings I'm gonna apologize.) She explains that its not b/c of what I said so much as to the fact I said it to a bunch of people she doesn't know tooo well and doesn't want to make them think that she really is like that. She says she doesn't have too many friends, and that I'm one of them. If I said this just to her she wouldn't care but she doesn't want other people to think that she's some bitch who thinks shes super hot. She self deprecates herself a bit here were I genuinely say she's pretty (not to make her feel better, but because I actually think she is). A group photo is being taken so we go and stand with everyone. After this we find a place to sit and start talking, just us. She further explains about why she was hurt, and I completely understand. I explain how something similar happened to me in highschool when my friends made jokes about me looking like a pedophile was fine, but when they said this around people I didn't know it actually pissed me off and hurt cuz they don't know its a joke. We got over it, and it was fun again. Another girl comes in and somehow the conversation goes toward makeup. As we're talking my chair and FF1's stools are facing toward each other, and I let my hand just fall onto her leg and let it stay, I say I wish I could use makeup to look good, so they start saying they would do my eyebrows and blah blah and I say yeah im down. We got to talking about how a beard is like makeup and I say nope, makeups way better (I've had this conversation before, and so we talk about this a while). At some point FF1 started massaging my beard, I say how I usually never let anyone touch my beard, but I already let some of the 'popular guys' touch it, so I don't really care right now. She for some reason thinks its funny to lick her hand and then rub it on my beard. I get noticeably angry, call her out and get suuuper pissed. She explains how it was a joke, I say I know but its not okay. She apologizes, I'm still angry for a while. We talk for a while, she casually brings in her boyfriend somewhere in the conversation and say she's ready to marry him if she asks, blah blah, more talk (i sort of zone out at some point). Another girl comes in, and we're in the same section and we've talked before a few times. I have to go soon, so I say goodbye to FF1, goodbye hug, goodbye hug to the girl who was there talking about makeup with us, get up, see the new girl and approach her and I start talking to her, build comfort, small kino, get her snapchat. My friend whos picking me up comes in, I say goodbye, goodbye hug, say hey to my friend, and leave.

 

The Next Day

That was my FR, I had lots of fun, around 4pm the next day I message FF2 (the engaged one who said she'd send me her notes) asking if shes feeling alright, hoping to have atleast some small talk before asking her to email me the notes. No reply. I didn't message her anymore, and I haven't seen her since either. I'm writing my final tomorrow and thinking that if I do see her I nonchalantly bring up the fact she didn't send me the notes.

 

Conclusion

The fact that she ghosted my text and the fact she and FF1 both brought up their boyfriends (for no real reason) I can only assume they thought I was trying to hit on them, which I didn't even intend to. I didn't try to escalate, I honestly didn't even want to. I don't think its that big of an issue if they did think I was hitting on them, however if I keep doing this and they keep think im hitting on them then over time it will be an issue and I'll be seen as a "creep" by them and maybe their hot single friends which would suck. So I'm turning to seddit to help to see if that is what they thought (if you guys think thats what she thought). Mainly, is me making strong eye contact, producing an aura that I care about what they say, and doing kino classify as hitting on them / make them bring up their boyfriends to caution me to stop? I'd love to hear your opinions on what you think and what I should do.

I had lots of fun that night, and I realized I'm really good at being natural around women. I had great conversations, did lots of kino. Ofcourse it's different b/c I wasn't trying to sleep with them. But from what I read this is how you approach and build comfort, once they qualify themselves thats when you should escalate and try to close, and I guess for me these girls didn't qualify (for reasons stated above). I just wanted to be friends with them and I think that's okay.

 

Comments on the FR would be great! Just don't hate me for apologizing and 'failing the shit tests' because I was just trying to be nice and a friend, I just acted how I would for my own friends and hope my friends would act for me (male or female).