Freedom and ability to be yourself unconditionally must come before any relationship or woman

The topic of non-neediness is addressed frequently in this sub, but the mindset needed to act in an independent and non-needy way isn’t frequently explored.

If you find yourself with a woman you think is beautiful, intelligent, and displays strong feminine energy, it’s difficult not to adjust your behaviors to impress her. I’ve certainly been there before.

Often times, this doesn’t have to anything to do with the woman herself, but insecurity and social conditioning rearing its ugly head.

Social conditioning that convinced men of the following lies:

“You’re lucky to have her”

“She’s out of your league”

“You must earn her love”

“If you don’t keep up, she’ll find someone better”

When these ideas creep into your head, and you feel the itch to check in with her more than you should, mold your opinions to hers, or try to impress her rather than be authentic, remember:

Your ability to be yourself comes first. Acting in a way contrary to your true self to impress a woman—no matter how beautiful—is a prison. If you are putting on a false face to avoid being vulnerable with her, you will be stuck in limbo until you become comfortable displaying your true personality.

More often than not, she’ll pick up on this and lose interest anyway because your actions will be inauthentic, and your actions will be forced. Women are highly intuitive in this regard.

Fall in love with the freedom of being yourself unconditionally before any woman, no matter how alluring. Make sure you get out of your own head if she is displaying openness herself and allowing you to be yourself. Sometimes men are their own worst enemy when it comes to attraction.

There is an abundance of beautiful intelligent women out there who will accept and love your flaws, quirks, and past mistakes.

[–]iareamisme 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[+]daproest1 -6 points-5 points-4 points 5 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

[–]recyclablebanthas 5 years ago* [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link

There is often a misunderstanding of the factors involved in abundance.

When we are younger, we are in mandatory schooling, which places us around a greater variety of people on a regular basis than we would normally encounter.

Then after we graduate, many of us go to college and replicate this process, except then we're exposed to people from all over the country and possibly from around the world.

And then after graduation, we think that it's age which reduces our abundance, when really we just failed to pick up a lesson that school provided us. Namely, that our options are as good as the social life we have.

When we are younger, that social life is provided for us automatically and we don't think about it. But after we are out of school, it falls on us to replicate the conditions created by college.

Basically, one has to find social groups that hold regular meets. And in the age of the internet, this is even easier than before. People post these things publicly for anyone to search and find.

For example, On Facebook, there's a Groups tab. Click on it and "Search Groups" for things that you're interested in. Once you find a group you can look under their Events tab to see if they have anything going on near you. There are usually publicly posted events that anyone can join.

As far as good groups to look for, here are some suggestions:

Hash house harriers: basically hide and seek, plus trail running / walking, plus beer.
Any number of social partner dancing groups. Salsa, tango, West Coast Swing, Lindy Hop....etc.
Couch surfing: Couch surfing groups host meetups for travelers and people in a specific area who want to hang out with travelers.

When I was in college, I stumbled upon a lot of these things accidentally and I didn't experience any sort of social lull after I graduated college. I've constantly been exposed to people from 18 and up.

I was living at home for a number of years and my career stalled at the time. I still had a lot of action because of all the social groups I was involved in.

Lots of abundance can there. Age doesn't mean it's over. (I know a guy who's over 50 and still involved in a lot of social groups and constantly meeting new women. He is often dating women from their late twenties to mid-30s.)

The elephant in the room is that a lot of these sorts of things simply aren't possible due to the pandemic.

Regardless of what your stance is on it, society as a whole is dealing with this one way or the other and it affects how lively things are socially.

This is one reason why there's been a coronavirus post pinned to the top of this subreddit since last year.

So this is a good time to focus on self-improvement. Social events aren't going to be happening, so abundance is going to be tricky for anyone. Especially if one hasn't already built up the social skills necessary to meet people one-on-one more easily. (Which one can do if one is attending social events often and has become used to meeting new people regularly.)

Just do the best you can and realize that these options ought to be there more and more, as things calm down.

[–]daproest1 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]daproest1 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Moderatorrecyclablebanthas[🍰] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

I guess since MOST people don’t do all that stuff you’ve done

Your perception of what you think people do, is less relevant. A lot of people participate in these social groups.

the pool STILL shrinks in your 30s.

Just one example: Social partner dancing events pull a wide range of age groups.

Salsa - Mostly people from their early twenties to their mid-thirties
Tango - Mostly people from their mid to late twenties to their 30s.
Lindy hop - Mostly people from their late teens to late twenties.

Your age doesn't matter. My age doesn't matter. We're talking about what's available for you when social groups are actually up and running. and because of the variety of people we're talking about here, you're going to run into someone who's into people your age whatever that is.

You want to date someone in their twenties, that's possible. If you want to date someone in their 30s, that's possible. Your own age is less relevant.

Like I said, I have a buddy who's in his fifties and still being exposed to people in their twenties who wanted date a guy his age. This guy often frequents couch surfing or hash house harrier events.

What varies is which social groups might be ideal for your taste, in your area.

EDIT: Speaking to how many people get involved with these things, when I was in college, there were often 50 people or so to a dance class for something like salsa. It's roughly the same for regular events, but you can often see hundreds of people coming to international events.

And a hash run? Those meets can easily push 50 to 60 people as well.

Couch surfing? 50 to 60 people as well.

When I say that this sort of thing replicates high school and college, I'm really not kidding. If you combine a few of these social groups, we're talking real numbers here. A core group of regulars with new people rotating in and out all the time.

All the age groups are represented. There's no strange drop-offs due to age. And more importantly, you're screening for people who have a good attitude about meeting others.

[–]daproest1 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]MO_drps_knwldg[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]daproest1 -2 points-1 points0 points 5 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]MO_drps_knwldg[S] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]MO_drps_knwldg[S] 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Shadow__Account 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	Freedom and ability to be yourself unconditionally must come before any relationship or woman
Author	MO_drps_knwldg
Upvotes	62
Comments	15
Date	March 10, 2021 9:58 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/m2a14x/freedom_and_ability_to_be_yourself/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/freedom-and-ability-to-be-yourself-unconditionally.1510936 https://theredarchive.com/post/1510936

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