So a few years ago, I was abusing sleeping pills and painkillers pretty frequently. I was out of shape (not fat, but not exercising at all) and depressed as hell. However, I had pretty good game despite all these problems. The drugs allowed me to shamelessly hit on girls around campus, being a freshman and wanting to meet people made this easier as well. I was screwing multiple girls a month, which isn't a lot for many guys, but was the best I have ever done in my life. Not that that's the only goal here of course.

After a few months, I got off drugs entirely. As far as dating goes, this was a problem. Suddenly, I felt shame again and anxiety around people. My heart would race, palms would sweat, nervous thoughts would invade my brain. Stuff I never used to have to deal with, at least not since I was a freshman in high school, over 4 years before.

So I stopped hitting on most girls entirely. I just kind of gave up after some pretty disappointing experiences in a row. I knew whatever I had had, was gone.

So then I start working out. Which helps my self-esteem and depression, but not really anxiety. I cross train, I eat healthier, I stop drinking too, I stay off any drugs harder than weed (which I am working on quitting as well) cut back on jacking off.

And it ends up after a few years I end up looking a lot better. I'm probably in the best shape of my life right now, I'm constantly noticed by women, talked to by girls in class and hit on by gay guys.

And yet STILL I have zero game. I still feel anxiety, even when I know girls are into me now. I STILL feel certain I will embarrass myself or fuck things up and that it just is not worth the stress in my life. I've hit on a few girls, maybe 1 or 2 a year and even gotten numbers. But nothing further than that, no dates, sex or even making out, not for the past 3 years. That's right, 3 goddamn years of constant anxiety with women. And it definitely did not use to be this way. It used to be fun, even striking out was still a little fun.

How did this happen? Did quitting drugs do this? Is the added attention from being in better shape making my anxiety worse? What the hell is going on with my brain?