How attractive really is it when a guy shows vulnerability?

JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-10-02T04:47:00+00:00

Yeah, vulnerability is not spilling your guts about all your problems. That will certainly not make you more attractive. It's about sharing feelings and emotions and most importantly showing the woman that you actually care about her beyond her looks and that you love spending time with her.

Civil-Perspective-32 · 2021-10-02T07:25:56+00:00

I can relate a lot to you, I have high functioning autism, and I worked for years on emotional intelligence so I’ve come a long way in that regard.

However, recently a woman I felt had a genuine connection with pretty much went off me completely the day after I revealed some personal stuff to her, which she was actually hounding me about.

My problem was mentioning in passing that I had “been through some shit” which she didn’t press on at first, but persisted about later. After over revealing she said she was happy I opened up to her, but I could tell something was wrong. She was quiet then said she was going to bed. The next day I wake up to a text basically saying “I have stuff to work on it’s me, not you” lmao.

I’d advise not really opening up until you’re long term. And even then, be careful.

SprinkleIt13 · 2021-10-02T02:49:30+00:00

ADHD vulnerability are different than neurotypical vulnerability. Being an unmedicated ADHDer, being vulnerable is a lot more in depth than your examples. I am very aware that I talk to much which leads to MASS over sharing. It also leads to me interrupting or trying to relate to your story by trying it into a me thing. Vulnerability to me would be talking about my fucked up family, why I am the way I am, songs that are important because of the meanings behind them, or even in depth conversation about what I want out of life. Neurotypical people seem to relate vulnerability to trust. I am very observant and perceptive. I notice and take a lot in when being around friends and family. Like they will not be vulnerable and open themselves up to you, until they feel you can be trusted.

Rick_liner · 2021-10-02T08:05:29+00:00

I spent 10 years learning to open up because it was causing problems in my relationship. Hard fucking process going from a dude who is stoic af to bring able to talk about his feelings but anyway I digress...

I learned since getting back in the dating pool that it's one of those things women say they want but really don't. They lose respect for you and treat you like a besty or another woman. When you're actually in the relationship sure it's important but in the early stages just keep it to yourself.

I'm a guy in the UK so I guess results may vary based on culture. I'm also not sure how much of it is down to the only people being left in the dating pool in the thirties are broken and just haven't learned what healthy communication is yet.

Stujitsu2 · 2021-10-02T06:39:13+00:00

Big fucking zero! If you feel it...conceal it!

Specialist-Kick-1387 · 2021-10-02T09:09:15+00:00

Not at the beginning of getting to know someone. I share my vulnerability with my current gf well into our relationship now, but at the beginning a man has to project confidence, charisma, being in control.

SpiritDragon · 2021-10-02T16:22:48+00:00

I, ironically, had an issue with being perceived as "too perfect" once. Not that I'm the perfect dream man, but the guy who has nothing wrong going on. I didn't learn until later that it made girls suspicious. In reality I was a fucking train wreck.

The solution I've found (via a lot of trail and epic failure) was contextual showing of failings. Don't just randomly volunteer it, but if context is there feel free to share a little. Don't make it a focus, just a casual matter if fact. Focus too much and it sounds like you need them to play shrink, which is they have a savior complex might work great but odds are against it.

This serves 2 functions: first, it does you are human and have your own shit too. Second, it shows you agree comfortable enough to not hide behind a fake front. This comfort let's then open up also. (The "you go first" concept)

So while it's not in itself attractive, it can be used strategically depending on context.

Title	How attractive really is it when a guy shows vulnerability?
Author	FaithInStrangers94
Upvotes	4
Comments	10
Date	October 2, 2021 2:22 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/pzmieo/how_attractive_really_is_it_when_a_guy_shows/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-attractive-really-is-it-when-a-guy-shows.1275117 https://theredarchive.com/post/1275117

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