How do hookups/friends with benefits happen between people?

dangsoggyoatmeal · 2020-08-25T06:47:46+00:00

There was this girl I was interested in who I knew from school. I invited her over to Netflix and chill several years ago and we hooked up.

Both of us were at separate places in life - I was a freshman in high school and she was a sophomore at another.

We hooked up intermittently once both of us graduated and now we tend to fwb whenever both of us are in our home town.

In essence - find someone you have the potential to have a relationship with - but just be honest with them. We’ve discussed our relationship several times. Be careful - if either of you catch big time feelings it can ruin the relationship. She started to fall for me a little in the past, but we both agreed actually dating wasn’t a good idea - and that we’d rather keep our friendship/our current arrangement.

At this point I think we’ll be lifelong friends, and it’s very nice being able to blow off steam with one another when we’re both single.

She’s smart, empathetic, and cool, but I don’t think we would do well as a true couple because we have some fundamental differences.

You should download dating apps - a large variety of them - Tinder, Bumble, Hinge - and specify you’re looking for something casual.

QuellonGreyjoy · 2020-08-25T11:38:16+00:00

Three ways:

Most likely through a dating app, you explicitely stating you want something casual. Talk, flirt, hook up. - I personally don't like this as it's very direct. Even girls who want something casual will avoid overt fuckboys unless they're very attractive. It can work though just don't be too obvious.
You go on a dating app/meet people and are open to anything. After a couple dates you hook up but eventually realise a relationship is unlikely due to reasons (feelings, values, logistics etc). - This is my normal method, works great as long as you're both honest with the other person.
You have a one night stand but manage to make it a repeat occurence. - Often depends heavily on luck

FWB are great but too many guys (and girls) aren't honest about their feelings. If someone catches feels it's probably better to move on. If it's taking your energy away from other things and it's been 5+ months, again maybe move on.

Also it goes against this sub but there isn't neccesarily anything wrong with properly dating for a few months instead of FWB limbo. You'll get valuable experience.

FalconLord92 · 2020-08-25T09:11:26+00:00

okcupid lets you be very direct in what you want.

Acid_In_My_Eyes · 2020-08-26T02:05:13+00:00

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Shadow__Account · 2020-08-25T10:18:56+00:00

I don't believe in it as a long term thing it just means blocking feelings, not having a real connection with someone, knowing you don't really want to be with that person but because of scarcity you do or other negative things. The its just fun lasts about 1 month for me and than one of us gets more feelings than the other and shit gets complicated.

JimBeamAndCoke2016 · 2020-08-26T00:52:05+00:00

It's essential you are good looking to start with. If not, casual sex is a highly unlikely option.

Butthead2242 · 2020-08-25T11:42:51+00:00

Tinder

MistakesTurnedAround · 2020-08-25T15:24:23+00:00

I’ve always just had casual things that developed into something serious, if the feeling were mutual, and there. Let it happen natural.

Aeon199 · 2020-08-25T23:32:48+00:00

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nopattyno · 2020-08-26T03:55:00+00:00

I use fwb when I'm in between relationships. Just be straight forward with the girl and tell her your intentions. Tell her you don't want to date right now and you want to keep things casual. From there, all expectations drop and a fwb will form. If it doesn't, well, she's not interested in fwb.

manon_black · 2020-09-20T00:38:29+00:00

For me I had a guy friend (I am female), and we were both not looking for relationships, but have high sex drives and we’re horny af. There was clear sexual tension between us and one day while hanging out it was clear we were becoming very flirty and touchy, and everything just escalated from there.

It was great sex then (we found we were very sexually comfortable with each other and have great communication) and it continues to get so much better. I am consistently having multiple orgasms each time, and neither of us have to worry about the pressure of a relationship. It’s honestly been GREAT especially with the whole pandemic making it harder to meet people.

I think it’s just a case of finding someone who you’re sexually attracted to that you won’t fall for, and being very open and communicative about wants/needs and setting strong boundaries. Make sure you know that this is what you want, because if you go in expecting a relationship, you put yourself in a position to be hurt! Good luck getting out there and getting laid!!

Harrrgan · 2020-08-25T13:26:14+00:00

I just chat with people on various apps and see where it goes. I went on a date with a guy, stopped at his the night and since then every now and then we just hangout and sometimes do stuff. Sometimes we don't 🤷🏻‍♂️

NDex101 · 2020-08-25T16:57:59+00:00

There are the kind that happen by pure dumb luck and the kind you cultivate for yourself. Hmu if you want to cultivate.

Title	How do hookups/friends with benefits happen between people?
Author	Acid_In_My_Eyes
Upvotes	81
Comments	28
Date	August 25, 2020 5:57 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ig6fr3/how_do_hookupsfriends_with_benefits_happen/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-hookupsfriends-with-benefits-happen-between.1501015 https://theredarchive.com/post/1501015

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