How do I know if I'm pursuing the right guys?

ilikepie145 · 2020-04-28T22:10:13+00:00

No offense but your girlfriends are probably right. Notice early how guys act and treat you. If you’re wanting a relationship which it sounds like you are, try and find a guy that also is. Don’t just right into sex with a guy, even though that might be tempting.

smoothmax · 2020-04-29T01:43:18+00:00

I don't judge you and I would never try to psychoanalyze you. When you say something like this ...

"My girlfriends tell me I tend to date assholes."

... it makes me want to say, you should try analyzing yourself. Then, look for self help books that address the problem (if there is a problem).

Not that you're crazy or fucked up bc I'm sure that you're not. But your friends are trying to tell you, you're stuck in a rut. You can figure out what kind of rut you're stuck in and how to get out of it.

This reddit ... when you get right down to it ... is mostly about guys who are stuck in a rut not getting dates. They usually get told, first of all fix your inner attitudes, then work on your outer appearance and behavior. The most common flaky attitudes that guys have are, low self esteem, and being fake nice guys. Maybe it's different for women.

If you feel you talk too much and that it's holding you back, there is an easy fix for that. I got bits of this from several different books but I think the main one was called Emotional Intelligence.

When you're talking with someone, you have to get out of your head and in your body. Meaning, try to feel physical sensations such as how your head, breathing, stomach, butt and feet feel as you're standing or sitting conversing. You can practice this at home.

When the other person is talking, maintain strong eye contact with them. Try not to let your mind race ahead anticipating their story. If you feel the urge to interrupt them and start babbling, silently tell yourself, "Slow down" and continue listening.

Resist the urge to try tell them stuff like, "Oh yeah that's cool!" every 5 seconds, or finish their sentence, or run off on a tangent before they've had their say.

Not only should you talk like that, but you should also seek out other people who talk that way. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that "probably" the cooler kind of guys that you want to be with tend to act this way. So now you can be a cool person and spot the othsr cool people that are worth hanging around with and dating.

KingWolf7070 · 2020-04-29T02:28:09+00:00

I am over looking something in the guys I friendzone or am I just going for the wrong guys?

Likely a little of both. I've never met any of these guys, so I won't pretend to know with certainty. You have to take some time to analyze yourself. What do you actually value in a partner? What is truly important?

If all the guys you've dated so far have been assholes, think about what they had in common and try to date guys that are different from that. Nothing will change unless you change something. Look at the guys you have as friends and see if there's any potential there. If not, that's fine, they can stay friends.

What kind of guys do you want to date? Are you taking action to find and pursue those guys or do you passively wait for them guys to come to you? Oh shit, did the kind of guys you thought you wanted to date all turn out to be assholes? Then find another guy type and date them instead. There are numerous types to choose from, don't fixate on just one, try to pick a few. Keep an open mind and an open heart, but also don't let people take advantage of you.

Kimdabrim · 2020-04-29T13:58:56+00:00

You go for what you want obviously but it's clear that the guys you've been with don't value you enough for a relationship so move on and keep looking for someone who will.

ApollosSin · 2020-04-29T18:12:15+00:00

Honestly, let me ask you this? Are your guy friends "attractive" or actually attractive?

I only really date girls I find really attractive, but I mess around with women I find "attractive".

Also, if the chicks boring I wont really entertain dating her, matter of fact, I've dated a couple "attractive" women cause they were really fun.

Is it the same for you?

Also, most of the time when someone is an asshole, they're acting out of their self interest. If they really liked you, they wouldn't do things out of self interest. It would be mutual interest.

Radical899 · 2020-04-30T02:21:15+00:00

I thinks it’s true that we typically are attracted certain types of people. Even without knowing a thing about a person, I inevitably end up with women that are a bit on the unstable side. Like others have suggested, you might want to do some reflecting about what attracts you to the type of men that don’t treat you well. On the other hand, there are ways you can demand more respect from men. You can make clear from the start you aren’t trying to sleep with someone that doesn’t want a relationship. If you make you intentions clear, the ball is in his court to respect that. You may also make him work for it. Trust me, if you are attractive like you say you are, he will.

2020-04-28T22:36:28+00:00

Personally, I don’t think the friendzone exists. It’s a made up fantasy land. You do you!

Mrscience- · 2020-04-29T00:32:05+00:00

The guys who are in the friendzone most likely belong there. Now yes you should try redefine dating, don’t go straight for sex get to know him well first.

Title	How do I know if I'm pursuing the right guys?
Author	thatrandomcupcake
Upvotes	3
Comments	8
Date	April 28, 2020 10:04 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/g9wq46/how_do_i_know_if_im_pursuing_the_right_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-know-if-im-pursuing-the-right-guys.1494745 https://theredarchive.com/post/1494745

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