How do I not seem desperate when I am utterly desperate?

upandup123 · 2017-08-06T01:21:11+00:00

Have something more important going on in your life

chaosandmayhem · 2017-08-06T04:26:41+00:00

You probably have some anxiety issue, so consider therapy.

Now, beyond that: stop masturbating regularly. Choose one day a week to do it, and stick to it. It's like a diet.

Start going to the gym. Gain some muscle. You'd be shocked what that does to your confidence (I'm speaking from personal experience here).

ReMaxius · 2017-08-06T02:34:05+00:00

u/upandup123 said it well.

Have something else going on in your life that is more important than picking up women. College, business, career, etc. If you don't have anything else going on in your life, then make something happen and focus on that. Once you find something that's more important than getting laid, approach women everyday with the goal to learn about yourself and about socializing with women. After a few approaches, you'll get used to it and then you'll be able to focus on what you need to work on, e.g. qualification, investment, closing, eye contact, posture.

ThrowAya6669 · 2017-08-06T03:55:56+00:00

Start slowly. Just speak to every attractive girl you see in public. You don't have to go apeshit and be super direct. Just ask for the time, directions, a small comment while walking. Look up street openers, grocery store openers, mall openers. Eventually talking to women wont seem like a huge daunting task. Just hyper-focus for a small amount of time. You can pretend like you have something more important going on, but in your head youll know you dont, so just focus on practicing talking to girls

Jacob_961 · 2017-08-06T05:10:23+00:00

Not easy but being truly independent from outcome helps a lot. Being independent from outcome as a technique is still being dependent on outcome. If you play competitive video games, you know that you're gonna lose a lot. Eventually, you just play your game and take things one step at a time, if your actions lead to victory, great. If not, next. I get rejected twice a day at least. It's never personal and you can try again with an infinite number of women. I'm 28 y/o. I took a conservative Muslim girl who doesn't drink to a social night and had her grind me the whole night. When I felt her defenses down, in the bar, in front of so much people, I went in for a kiss. I just wanted to see if this conservative chick who never drinks in her life would do PDA in front of a crowd of people willingly. I didn't take her to a corner, or isolate her in any way. Now, in this scenario, she didn't. It doesn't make a difference. I'm there to have fun. The goal is to enjoy life, not force an outcome. Seek connection with the girl. Forget PUA theory. You suck with women and so do I. The only thing I got going for me is that I am fun to be around. Seek connection, not attraction. Let's face it, if you are a 22 y/o kissless virgin, you're not naturally attractive. I was a kissless virgin until 25 y/o. Focus on emotions not logic and emotions are accessed through connection. You're not a model looking kid, living in a penthouse, driving a lambo. You're an average looking kid, probably fresh out of college with social anxiety and nothing much going for you. But you can still make a girl feel amazing and you don't need merit to do that. You can be funny, charming and be a gentleman. But you can't be charming if you really care that the girl sleeps with you or likes you. You got to not give a fuck and enjoy life.

2017-08-05T22:38:54+00:00

Just pretend. Focus on her and not on your desperate self.

frl987 · 2017-08-06T05:40:16+00:00

there's the harder way & the easier way, each w/ its own pros & cons

harder way: decide that you're an actor or a spy. you are method acting for a role of somebody who gets with a lot of girls. visualize that you hook up with these chicks & afterwards it's like 'that was fun. no big deal though' & you go on with your life. also do all you can to make sure you're living true to your values & pursuing your own definition of success & consciously basing your self-esteem on that (learn to do this to the point that encouragement/discouragement from a given interaction, espc'ly w/ a girl, actually doesn't impact your self esteem much at all anymore)
easier way: pay for help with that desperation / scarcity that's got you backed into a corner in the first place. Asian massage parlors may provide a legitimately therapeutic level of contact. you can search on here for how to find a good place and what etiquette to follow. basically, you pay for a massage & typically there's a lot of flirting & fondling, and you pay a generous tip (usually no more than the list price of the massage, though). depending where you are & who you ask, the easier approach might be considered 'cheating' or 'illegal' or w/e, so you've been warned.

keep in mind that whatever strategy you choose, whether it builds on either/both these or not, you should respect yourself & the chicks you're trying to hook up with, but don't put them on a pedestal like they're any better than you either. also realize that your 'game' will improve, but -- whether it's already pretty good or it's still hella crappy -- sometimes it works, sometimes you come up empty. so have a sense of amusement about that fact, shitty as it can be when you're on the disappointment side

_valtiel_ · 2017-08-06T17:14:17+00:00

When you are punished for being desperate.

It's like negative reinforcement. Has being desperate ever been positive?

I wouldn't worry. Because you learn eventually.

DirkDieGurke · 2017-08-06T03:35:45+00:00

Masturbate just before you interact with any women.

Title	How do I not seem desperate when I am utterly desperate?
Author	king_of_ass
Upvotes	7
Comments	11
Date	August 5, 2017 10:15 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/6runq8/how_do_i_not_seem_desperate_when_i_am_utterly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-not-seem-desperate-when-i-am-utterly.1431572 https://theredarchive.com/post/1431572

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