For an idea, I’m 27, have ADHD and Asperger’s, my mom died young when I was young and my dad’s a douche. I’m a huge overthinker by nature.

Let me start by saying I’ve made some incredible strides this past year in game. I’ve become pretty comfortable with daygame/nightgame, have gone on over 50 dates, and slept with 60 women total; 22 being from this past year. I have an easy time getting dates with 9s/10s on apps. I’ve come to realize that this number doesn’t really mean anything, because deep down, what I really want is a true connection with just one.

I recently went on a date with this girl on hinge, and the moment we sat down, I began pedestalizng her. She was hot, confident, checked a lot of boxes, and expressed being pretty into me. We just had our 2nd date 2 days ago (after she took a 2 week trip) and we cooked together, saw a movie, walked around, and messed around a bit at my place (no sex).

Throughout the date, I was really nervous, and felt I was really trying to force a connection, and I have no doubt she was picking up on that. So I sent her a text saying “I had a blast, let’s plan round 3 soon” the next morning. She never replied. I think because she already felt rushed/pressured, and that was the nail in the coffin. She realized I needed her. I weirdly said a bunch of submissive shit on the date, like “have I disappointed you yet?”

I’m going back to therapy soon. But I worry if I’ll ever truly be with the girl I want. I’ve realized every thing I do, every hobby I’ve ever had, stemmed from this desire to be loved/cool. If I can tell a girl isn’t totally secure in herself, I have no problem attracting her. I don’t like this about myself at all.

I’m not at a happy place in my life overall and plan on moving to a better dating environment next year, which I think will help. It’s really hard for me to text more than 4 girls at a time too, otherwise I’ll lose focus on shit that matters in my life.

I guess I’m just looking for success stories of people with similar backgrounds. I appreciate any help or anecdotes and anyone that took the time to read this.