How do you get over feeling like a phony everytime you try to be confident?

razqel · 2011-07-04T01:05:05+00:00

My seduction mentor always said: "Feel the emotion, control the behavior."

Stop trying to convince yourself you're feeling confident when you're not. That's a lot of mental effort put in that's distracting and drains your emotional energy. Just acknowledge you feel anxious, then continue doing what you need to do.

Recognize that people will like you for many things besides your confidence. When you demonstrate that you're kind, interesting, intelligent, generous, and other value giver traits, you won't feel the need to fall back on just the one trait: confidence.

Real confidence comes from knowing who you are and being comfortable with it. If you've got inner game issues, work them out. Find out what qualities you have to be confident about, nurture them, and express them.

Confidence is also built through successful interactions. Push your comfort zone. When you achieve positive results, your confidence will be reinforced without you even thinking/worrying about it.

2011-07-04T06:38:28+00:00

How could you feel phony? You're confident because you're awesome.

no_dating · 2011-07-04T09:04:52+00:00

You should name that voice in your head Bubba, 'cause he's fucking you in the ass!

let-it-rain · 2011-07-04T15:16:41+00:00

Fake it until you make it.

2011-07-04T04:54:27+00:00

Go the other direction.

Instead of "I want to be genuinely confident" aim for "I want to be confidently genuine."

Esoterrorism · 2011-07-03T23:49:22+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Arash_Achilles · 2011-07-20T04:36:27+00:00

Hey guys, I made an audio answer for you.

http://www.esnips.com/doc/527ad49d-3015-4f43-a16a-dfb16aeee68d/Confidence-Seddit

http://www.seductiveinstinct.com

2011-07-04T03:40:09+00:00

You care too much about what other people think about you, that's anti-confidence behavior there.

But it's all about the little steps and gradual improvement. Make improvements in your life outside of pickup. Improve your looks, your posture, make more money, get some travel experience. Women are a by-product of an attractive lifestyle, not the cause of it.

True confidence has the vibe of "Yea been there done that, I can handle anything life throws at me"

bmay · 2011-07-04T05:27:44+00:00

There is no "it" factor. You are not lacking some fundamental personality trait that sets everyone else apart from you and makes you an inferior person.

The fact that you have some anxieties about yourself and behavior in social situations means that you are normal. No one is ever 100% confident and everyone has doubts.

The most important thing is that you continue to put yourself out there. When you stop and think about what you're doing and see how dedicated you are to improving yourself as a person, you'll realize that you are more confident than a lot of people. Some people don't even leave their homes because they're afraid of interacting with new people.

If you're down for some outside "homework" reading, I recommend you check out this book. It'll help with "inner game" stuff.

unoriginalsin · 2011-07-04T05:44:29+00:00

Keep faking it. Eventually, you will make it.

chumpta · 2011-07-04T09:58:00+00:00

the way i look at it, all confidence is the same. you either believe it's all genuine, or you believe it's all fake - either way, the other guy's got the same brand, so what's the big deal?

remind "the voice" that since you've probably been a timid pussy most of your life, you need to feel what being a cocky douchebag is like for a little while, so you can settle into a proper middle ground.

2011-07-04T18:21:54+00:00

Don't try to be confident, just be confident. That's really the best advice I can give, you won't come off as arrogant or phony if you're honestly being yourself (which is an awesome, confident guy that everyone wants to be around).

l3fth4nd · 2011-07-04T19:45:37+00:00

Change those thoughts, whenever you get a thought like that realise that it isn't helping you and you can control it. No matter where you are when you start thinking variations of "I suck" stop the thought process and start saying "I'm awesome" in different ways. It will feel fake at first, stop the thoughts that are telling you it's fake and keep repeating the self love. Eventually it becomes habit. Each one of those thoughts is a neural pathway, each time you think one it strengthens that pathway, if you selectively choose which pathways you activate then you strengthen and increase the likelihood of activating those chosen pathways in any one moment. Life tested.

That said, when you're talking to people, don't try to fake it ever. Always act congruently with exactly how you feel. If I'm not feeling that great, I'll go in and introduce then tell them about how awkward and shy I'm feeling. Then just go through set after set and KEEP EYE CONTACT ALWAYS with the girl you like, doing that will automatically make you feel more confident.

If you meditate it becomes easier to become present, when present you can easily change your emotional state by changing your physiology. What I do when I can to illicit feeling badass, is stop thinking and squint my eyes in this powerful glare type face(hard to explain) it instantly makes me feel awesome. You can do the same thing with any other emotion and their equivalent physiological positions.

Title	How do you get over feeling like a phony everytime you try to be confident?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	11
Comments	17
Date	July 3, 2011 11:25 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ifyds/how_do_you_get_over_feeling_like_a_phony/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-get-over-feeling-like-a-phony-everytime.1319877 https://theredarchive.com/post/1319877

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