How do you learn from your mess ups/failures without taking it too hard?

epimpstyle · 2026-02-09T08:39:44+00:00

Learning from mistakes is very difficult and many times you simply can’t learn anything from an interaction, because some things just don’t depend on you.

- You say an opener and get rejected in 10 seconds. What can you learn from that? Nothing. Is it a bad opener? Bad attitude or body language? You can make all kinds of assumptions, but you never really know for sure.... There’s nothing to learn from it.

- You say an opener, try to transition, and she rejects you immediately… What do you learn? Still nothing. Was it a bad transition? Bad body language? You have no idea what actually happened.

- You say an opener, make a transition, stay for 1–2 minutes and then get rejected… Can you learn something? Hard to say. Maybe it was you, maybe she was shy… it’s difficult to extract anything useful.

- You say an opener, make the transition, talk for 5 minutes and then get rejected… now things are different. I’d assume you said or did something that dropped you below her standards, but the problem is that even here, you still don’t really learn anything.

FearInoculumTool · 2026-02-09T12:24:18+00:00

It’s two sides of the same coin. On one side, it’s about what you believe having women means to you (and about you), and the other side of the coin is what you believe rejection or joy having a woman means to you and about you.

If you tell yourself having girls be receptive to you is awesome and it mean you are the man and that it makes you desirable and high value and pm the other hand you tell yourself women joy being interested means that you are a loser and that you will be forever alone.

This dynamic creates immense pressure on your to perform and try to “get” women and this more often than not results in them actually rejecting you. It’s because you come across as too desperate, needy, seeking approval, needing to prove yourself, etc. You have to change what you think having a woman and not having a woman means to you and what it means about you.

Broad-Cranberry-9050 · 2026-02-09T21:30:19+00:00

This is easier said than done. I can tell you what helped me but tbh, when i was single and struggling i got just as frustrated. Best i can tell you is to be result independent but that is hard because you have to change your mindset.

If this is frustrating you, it's ok to take a step back. I promiuse you a big reason you are failing is because you care too much about the result. You wouldnt be mad if you werent dependent on it.

You are embarrassed by failure and i think the first thing you should do is learn to not be embarrassed by it. I would say look at glass half full more often. Yoiu got rejected by a woman at a bar? You have 2 choices, be embrrassed or proud of yourself. Embarrassed because you got rejected and hate how it comes easy to others but not to you. Or proud that you just did better than 80% of the men in the room.

It's a numbers game and something that helped me was realziing that even the men who pull have bad numbers. HIMYM has a good scene where barney the womanizer, is happy get got his 200th lay, marshal (body count of 1) tells him he's not good at pulling because if he averages out barney's successes to his tries (girls he has flirted iwth) his numbers are about 1.2%. That means he ahs to talk to 100 women to get laid once. It's an exageration but im willing to bet most guys numbers are around that number. IUf your friend slept iwth 3 girls in 3 months youd say he was killing but he probably talked to 100 women to get those 3 women.

Now i would say practice walking up to people and expecting nothing from it. I used to do networking evetns and mettup events and even dating events and just practiced walking up to men and women and expecting nothing in return. Once you start expecting somethign in return you start forcing yourself to not say something that will get you rejected and it doesnt come off as genuine. Women like genuine men. When they are at bars, they are out for a fun time not to get laid. So it's transactional. The problem is many men want to skip the fun part and stariaght to the laid part. If you want to get laid, you have to be willing to show this womant hat you are fun and if they stick around you they will have a fun night. You gotta put in some work too. So dont go in shwoing her that you want her, you are putting her on a pedestal. Go in thinking "im having a fun night and i think she's cute so let's see if she wants to join in on the fun but if she doesnt that's her loss im going to have fun regardless".

One time i went to oktoberfest with a friend. They sit us next to these american girls (probably like 22-25) and at first me and my friend are trying to talk to them. Like we felt like it was our obligation to do it. But they werent pauing us any attention and we felt like we were just annoying them. So at one point we were like "fuck it let's focus on our own fun". And maybe the drinks helped but at one poiint we just start shooting the shit with them. My friend is trying to get them to talk to other guys they thought were cute, i end up talking to the quiet girl of the group and within like 20 minutes we were singing and dancing with them. The thing is at first we were trying tog etwith them and get their number, they saw that and put their walls up. But when we accepted that they didnt want us and decided to focus on our own enjoyment they saw how fun we were and loved it. Our genuine selves came out, they didnt feel like we were trying to creep or get with them. We gave them a fun time and even if it lead to nothing, we did better than 99% of the men in that room. We got to sing and dance with a group of very beautiful women.

TallandSarcastic · 2026-02-09T03:42:53+00:00

Never take it personally.

People’s reasons might have nothing to do with you at times.

Title	How do you learn from your mess ups/failures without taking it too hard?
Author	CoolFunnyPersona
Upvotes	2
Comments	8
Date	February 9, 2026 12:49 AM UTC (5 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1qzq2hz/how_do_you_learn_from_your_mess_upsfailures/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-learn-from-your-mess-upsfailures.1573052 https://theredarchive.com/post/1573052

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