How much does mindset effect your dating life

OpinionThink481 · 2025-12-04T22:48:36+00:00

Yes, but it's not easy because you have to let go of decades of bad parenting, bad role models, bad social conditioning, traumas, emotional baggage, that shaped your current behavior and adopt healthier and more resilient mindset.

So if you are framing this question as "do i just need a proper mindset and inner game" as if it's some minor trick or minor thing that you can master in a few days, sorry but this might require a lot of years of training, and even therapy in some extreme cases.

Think of it as the fitness journey, everyone thinks the hard part is to lift heavy and the exercises, when the hardest part is changing the food habits and the emotions that cause you to stick to those toxic eating habits that sabotage your results.

So usually most guys will just try to skip that, and look for "tricks" like working out, surgery, being rich which seem way easier and more tangible than overcoming all your emotional baggage which later sabotages your relationships anyway even if you manage to get one.

hunterpua · 2025-12-05T01:03:40+00:00

If you could somehow magically acquire these mindsets for real without any experience and success, sure.

For example, one of the hardest mindsets to acquire without actual experience and competence is being the prize.

Thousands of guys have tried and failed at adopting that.

Oh you may be able to pretend in the moment you're currently talking to her. You may be able to say the "right" words but the emotions you feel and therefore your actions and non-verbals won't necessarily cooperate because in reality you're a desperate bitch and deep down it's bothering you that you're not just straight up telling her that you would do anything for her.

Compare that to a guy who has seen many times what's on the other end of sleeping with a hot girl so there's no more novelty, he knows that it's not all fun, and he can afford to be picky.

Suddenly being hard to get and really challenging and making her put in work to get with you stops looking weird and starts looking very necessary.

I have a friend who tried to take a shortcut and force the mindset. He pretended to be a a guy who was being picky. He managed to eventually pull her but things started crumbling down long before that.

Towards the end of the date he practically had to beg her to come back to his place. He reasoned with her for a good 30 minutes.

Once he managed to get her in bed, she was resisting basically everything, it took a lot of jockeying for position just to kiss her and he spent hours trying to progress to having sex with her because he wasn't focused on just arousing her, he was just focused on trying to get to the next bodypart, because once a girl is on your bed after you haven't had one for years or even ever, all that fake composure goes down the drain and you're just trying to grope her as much as you can.

He eventually managed to have sex with her and she just laid there like a starfish while they did it, then he pulled out and came on her stomach and the second he was done the girl had just one thing to say to him, "Happy now?" while giving him the most unimpressed look ever.

That and the post nut clarity hit him like a ton of bricks. He told us that was worse than just not having sex with her at all.

And then he went right back into a dry spell.

So if by some miracle you could somehow genuinely act like a guy that gets tons of girls, sure, you'll get a lot of them but that is extremely unlikely if you actually have no idea if you'll be able to pull something like that off again.

So it's better not to take shortcuts and actually do the work.

I personally was quite consistent at being able to get dates through cold approach before I lost my virginity so even if the sex was new ground for me I at least knew that I could line up new opportunities in case this one didn't go my way and that tempered my desperation.

If you just manage to get lucky through mediocre acting and persisting so much it's pathetic then the best case scenario is you experiencing what my friend did...before going right back to a dry spell for another year or more.

TuxedoPinata · 2025-12-04T22:19:20+00:00

If I died and went to an afterlife where I could get any answer I want about this world, this would probably be one of the first things I’d look up.

No_Fan6078 · 2025-12-05T03:51:37+00:00

The mindset is really important, could give the frame where you are not needed and the thing you say are not attached to the results or the one where you are the prize so you ar immune to rejections, so you are not scared to talk to women and portrait yourself more confident, so in general I think will be a huge improvement even me rejection affect me sometimes I don't even know why jajajajaj maybe cuz I am so obsessed with stats so would like to have a certain success rate.

MrDownhillRacer · 2025-12-06T23:30:51+00:00

I think it depends.

Let's say you're the kind of person who has a negative mindset, and that negative mindset causes you to avoid even trying, to say bitter things, to react in a mopey way to rejection, etc. etc., then yeah, it's absolutely going to affect your dating life.

Let's say you're just as internally miserable as in the first case, but you exert the self control to try anyway and to put your best foot forward and to respond to things gracefully instead of trauma dumping or trying to extract pity from people.

Then if things still don't go well for you, you're kind of in this grey zone. Are you unconsciously and subtly still exuding negativity and off vibes in a way people are detecting? Maybe. People don't always know how they come across. But it's also possible that you're not doing that, and that "it must still be your attitude, bro" is just a convenient cope that people on the internet can deploy to avoid acknowledging that maybe sometimes external circumstances or things outside our control still affect our outcomes regardless of how well we act.

And then the maddening thing is that you just can't know for sure because either is always a possibility. And you can't just go "lemme just run the experiment again with me having a good internal mindset to see how that impacts outcomes" because you can't just wake up and decide "I'm going to start feeling good now."

Newcatter · 2025-12-04T22:41:11+00:00

Only if that mindset propels him into the right action.

Thing is, it's better to have zero or bad mindset and do the right things than reverse. Also, you want accurate state, not random good state. If you're fucking up with a girl, you want her to reject you and have bad state because you are fucking up. That's your survival wired brain telling you you're fucking up, your genes will be weeded out of existence and you won't be able to reproduce. I'll try to explain with a few examples.

Example 1: If a girl is investing with a comfort emotional story of her, you should not break rapport mid-story but instead reward and keep her investing by telling her story. This is purely outer technique. Someone with great mindset/innergame/state who doesn't know this will mid-story come up with a funny joke and say it, which is a big mistake as you're punishing compliance/investment. And game always comes down to investment.

I can be in a dogshit mindset, extremely nervous and in chode state, but this is a game rule (like many others) that I will never break and always abide by and is just socially the correct thing to do and highest socially intelligent. It's just gonna give me the highest success rate/ROI in that situation.

Example 2: If you win the lottery, how easy is it to be in a good mindset/state/innergame? If you go bankrupt or go blind, how fast will your mindset/innergame/state go to absolute shit. Especially at first.

So why fight this uphill battle? Motion creates emotion. Meaning just get the results and allow your succes to pull your mindset, it's extremely hard to do it the other way around because humans aren't wired like that. If you have success with a woman, how easily does your mindset/innergame/state go up without zero any or mental masturbation? That's how your survival lizard/emotional brain works, and can't really be persuaded with logic or arguments. Yes, you can try to control it but again, why fight this uphill battle?

Also another illustration: How often have you had where people or you look good and happy on the outside to people, but on the inside you feel like dogshit and depressed or anxious? Many people, even people who end up doing suicide. Point is, she can't see or know your mindset as much as you think. Only the action and in ways that mindset may or may not be communicated or oozed out by you. But even then, you can be in a negative or bad mood, but still fake or bring up a happy or confident vibe to adapt to the social situation. When parents are in a sad or anxious mood, do they communicate that to their 3 year old children or do they put up a face and act happy and positive because that's the correct and socially intelligent thing to do?

Budget-Kick822 · 2025-12-04T22:58:34+00:00

Mindset in game is about treating failure as an opportunity to learn. It's about putting yourself in uncomfortable situations to facilitate growth.

But an average guy who suddenly gets this mindset doesn't become good overnight. The average guy is bad at opening, bad at flirting, doesn't understand solving logistics, and has very limited experience.

With a good mindset the average guy can become good by learning the rest of game through studying/trial and error, and then practicing a ton.

Your inner game will never be your only strong trait because inner game is what drives you to improve your other traits.

Title	How much does mindset effect your dating life
Author	Kindly-Tough-2091
Upvotes	9
Comments	13
Date	December 4, 2025 9:58 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ped632/how_much_does_mindset_effect_your_dating_life/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-much-does-mindset-effect-your-dating-life.1568060 https://theredarchive.com/post/1568060

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