How did you fix your inner game.

Thorn_Tail · 2025-12-15T21:20:31+00:00

I suffer from the nice guy syndrome mixed with being an overthinker, it is hell.

But I am working on it one step at a time. What really helps for me is not focus on fixing your entire inner game but do it in steps. Look at it like climbing a mountain, when the peak is high/far away aim for the first checkpoint instead, and the next and so on. Keep on doing this and you will reach the peak that seemed so hard. (My grandpa once gave me this advice)

Right now I am in the phase of learning how to flirt/get girls interested instead of platonic convo's. I already figured out the approaching part!

Point of the story is try to fix/focus on little bits and keep progressing step by step.

StopElectingWealthy · 2025-12-15T22:28:10+00:00

You gotta not only accept yourself, but love yourself. Be a best friend to yourself. That, and stop giving a fuck what people, especially girls think about you. Being your authentic self unashamedly is the most attractive thing about you anyway.

This along with the basics of grooming and health/fitness will take you all the way

confused_8357 · 2025-12-15T22:40:49+00:00

Your inner game is literally how seriously you take yourself relative how seriously you take the girl.

For me my inner game drastically improved by reading Models and Mode one. both books taught me to become a ballsy unapologetic direct man.

I have gotten more rejections than any person in my social circle..i have done ballsy stuff, sometimes offended people but i also had the most dates in my life.

Lastly everything was done honestly no lying , no pretending , no misleading anyone just radical honesty.

Your healthy entitlement to urself will polarise people the more u polarise the more your reputation becomes controversial , you will get a lot of blow back for your self love from people in social cirlcle and you need to suck it all in and it helps in developing thick skin aka egotistical indifference.

That egotistical indifference is the IDGAF attitude that makes u appealing and sound like a high status man .

You cannot transform overnight , it takes a lot of social embarrasment and risk taking to " own your personality "

Many a times u will feel like giving into how other people want you to behave " nice guy "

JackSquirts · 2025-12-15T22:22:50+00:00

It absolutely shows in your body language, that's why people say you're unapproachable.

You have to learn to be social. You have to learn how to read people and make them like you. Charisma. Then, with that general ability, you need to learn how to flirt. Being charismatic and understanding how to flirt is the key to women - it's the most important thing.

Jikhi742 · 2025-12-15T21:29:12+00:00

Same kind of problem here, gonna make a more detailed post about it.
I want to talk to girls on the dance floor, but unless they notice me and establish eye contact I don't know how to introduce myself, I especially feel like I was judged on empty dance floors

ferimoq · 2025-12-16T00:09:47+00:00

Your issue isn't really inner game, because you can approach without inner game.

Your issue is you don't have a process.

You're probably someone who leans on their gut for their social skills, but at the same time cold approaching is gut wrenching, which you use as a gauge of what to do socially. Since most of the time you'll get some kind of anxiety, then you freeze and give up.

Cold approaching in its nature is a proactive behavior that goes against social norms, so you can't lean on your existing social engine to tell you or help push you into set.

You have to be internally activated using a process that is completely separate.

This is my recommendation, be clear on your intent - you're here to meet and fuck chicks. Be 1000% about it.

Think about what that would look like if you had mad game. It would be a straightforward direct approach, eye fucking, verbal and physical confidence. And a mindset of believing in your shit and opening any women you want.

Now, lets dial that back to reality, the first thing to is change what you focus on (RSD calls this RAS) - focus your RAS on separating social opportunities from approach opportunities.

- Meaning scanning to identify fuckable chicks. IDing them as totally approachable. And doing something I call pretend approaching, where you walk up like you had mad fucking game up to her, but last minute don't actually verbalize anything and walk away. This trains your RAS for real approaches by taking action immediately since you're not actually saying anything, there's no room for rumination of figuring out what to say / do

I've got more steps than this that'll take you all the way there, but I don't even know if you're gonna read this, but I get an comment for more, I'll post more.

Alternative-Mud4739 · 2025-12-16T12:25:34+00:00

I see a lot of generic advice on this thread which may be right but not useful to make a change

Read these 2 books(both by Dr. Amy Johnson) :-

Just a Thought
Little book of big change:- This is a book on breaking habits. You have to break the habit of rejecting yourself

Good luck. Fixing your inner game is easier than you think. Just read those 2 books and apply it

zebekias · 2025-12-16T17:31:11+00:00

There is no magic bullet. You know that in theory you can do it, but you won't believe it for real until you have actual experience that validates it.

ImpossibleWaiting · 2025-12-15T21:40:29+00:00

By putting yourself and your dreams first. Actualizing yourself socially.

filterCoffee-rage · 2025-12-15T21:18:01+00:00

I’m going through the same

TrixoftheTrade · 2025-12-15T22:15:22+00:00

develop that deeper reasoning. understand yourself: your wants, needs, fears, desires. then go a level deeper and find out why you want what you want, need what you need, fear what you fear, and desire what you desire. then understand how others feel the same:

establish a clear frame of mind and person that isn’t dependent on external circumstances or the approval of others. know what you can change, can’t change, and accept both. master your weaknesses and strengths. know when to speak, how to speak, and when/how to listen. know how to ask the right questions.

understand yourself first and foremost. tame your lusts and desires and vices, develop inner discipline. learn how to suffer and bear pain and how to wield it.

burncushlikewood · 2025-12-15T22:35:36+00:00

I spent 4 years reading, doing approaches, watching videos and implementing new techniques and self reflecting after every interaction. I read books on psychology, game, and I was extremely persistent, it took me a long time to get where I am

Happyseducer · 2025-12-16T00:33:31+00:00

Writing out your thoughts and disputing them is EXCELLENT. I used cognitive behavioural therapy books. That is legit inner game that works.

Too much PUA "inner game" gurus are guys who just don't really know what they are talking about and say "feel good" "it's about confidence" etc. which isn't really useful advice. It's like outer game advice being "get laid" lol.

Anyways that's my little tangent. But for inner game the stuff that works IMO comes from outside PUA - thought disputation to change beliefs is great, meditation can be useful - visualization is excellent. Affirmations can be helpful too - the brain does learn via repetition.

drueberries · 2025-12-16T03:07:40+00:00

I am halfway through the book: Letting Go by David Hawkins. It's exactly what I've been looking for and is the perfect guide for improving your inner world on a deep level. Recommend!

nordik1 · 2025-12-16T05:23:17+00:00

> think it all comes down to my mindset and how i talk to myself

If you're feeling that way, you're right.

Inner game is about holistically improving as a person, even beyond dating and then it carries over into dating. For you, that means starting with changing your self talk and your perspective of yourself and life in general. Dr. Joe Dispenza is a good resource for this

Meditation, having good inputs in terms of what you're reading and watching, mentors, and possibly therapy are all good for this too. It's like an inner "cleansing" of sorts. You have to remove any bad influences (including your own self talk) and bad perspectives and replace them

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-12-16T06:20:03+00:00

Divorce probably actually helped a lot. I took a year off from any dating afterwards to regroup, reflect, get therapy, go to the gym, etc. My ex-wife really made me realize that sex and a nice body aren't the priority in a good relationship. It's cool, but you have to have a strong foundation of mutual respect, trust and where both people encourage each other and value each other's pursuits, independence, etc.

Innocenceislost · 2025-12-16T08:11:09+00:00

Same. Deep inside im still the insecure shy boi

But honestly? Keeping myself on a 7 on the mood scale works wonders, keeping just above indifferent but going a little into the fun category. Be laid back enough so you are unbothered, but do NOT cross the line into disinterest. Another wqy to put it: have daddy aura. Remember, for girls dad is the prime male figure, and in a healthy case that is a man who got his act together, reliable, protects her, ect so try to channel that vibe.

nibitcoin · 2025-12-16T09:20:20+00:00

You can only increase your confidence & inner state by a set of successes That's why these PUSs who gave you canned material are good trainers (Mystery, Ross Jeffries) because when you have said good stories 10 times eventually you started to be more and more confident and your inner naturally goes up

InvestigatorFull1364 · 2025-12-16T16:57:11+00:00

i think you havent defined what inner game is. it is these things essentially:

It is the ability to withstand adversity
The ability to project your Being into the world
The ability to reinvent yourself
The ability to charter your course

(source: http://coffeedaygame.wordpress.com/2025/11/14/the-pillars-of-daygame/ )

Take a look at all the issues you mentioned and probably fall into one of these categories.

The dirty secret of the community is that inner game gets better through success. Not failures and not through mantras.

You cannot bs yourself into developing inner strength. You need to face the dragon and conquer it metaphorically (even if parts of it happen by luck).

So keep at it, keep it focused and at some point things will start to click.

tonyferguson2021 · 2025-12-16T18:30:21+00:00

Love this question… I don’t have an answer

but maybe this is the thing, you don’t need ’fixing.’
Sometimes we just need to get out of our own way, but there’s no easy soloution.

Perhaps you need to stop thinking so much. Maybe the most important journey is about 18 inches…

from head to ❤️

Title	How did you fix your inner game.
Author	Kindly-Tough-2091
Upvotes	37
Comments	34
Date	December 15, 2025 8:47 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1pnil3d/how_did_you_fix_your_inner_game/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-did-you-fix-your-inner-game.1568941 https://theredarchive.com/post/1568941

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