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[–]n1cey 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you don't have anything interesting to talk about, you got 3 options: 1. Learn to lie, everyone delivers a small lie , just learn to do it well. 2. Ask the right questions 3. Work on getting something interesting to talk about.
And read about topic threading, that is what I naturally did before reading here on seddit, but sometimes I staggered, now I never do.
Good luck, and get practical
[–]silveridea 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Just read this, and dude, lemme tell you. This is my exact same situation. The whole bad conversation, same background and mind blanking out. I've had relationships, but nothing that long.
Let this come from someone who is in the same place in life as you; trying to figure yourself out, appeal to others, and naturally be happy with the person you are:
Don't let the bad thoughts, you know the ones (he's awesome you aren't, you suck at this, you weren't even able to do this) overtake you. They will get to you at time, I can tell you that they will. But I believe persistence and perseverance are our strongest allies in this battle with ourselves.
[–]ObiWan111 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
i've been reading up here on seddit for a while now but i've hit a major bump, i can't keep a conversation running.
here
i've always been a loner and didn't do anything interesting
Start doing interesting things.
i can't really contribute to many topics so a short while after a conversation starts my mind just goes blank
I seriously doubt this is true. A lot of people with your problem are just afraid to say what's actually on their mind out of a fear of upsetting people/getting rejected/being "creepy". Say what you're thinking and stop holding yourself back. Take these examples 1 2
[–]0newinged 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
about those examples. i know random shit can be great and you shouldn't be afraid to use it. my problem is that my mind goes blank. i'm not afraid to say anything stupid because i don't know a single thing to say.
in the first link the first thing i saw was be creative. that's kinda hard when your mind goes blank.
to be honest, i prefer to be rejected for saying stupid shit over being rejected because i don't know anything to say. that's my whole problem
[–]ObiWan111 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
It takes people years of practicing meditation to achieve a state of complete thoughtlessness or "emptiness" so I doubt you have nothing going through your head.
If that's really the case try playing some word association games with a friend; they will help you think on your feet. Stop spending so much time in /r/Nofap and go read a book or subscribe to /r/todayilearned so you have interesting facts on hand. Find something that you're passionate about and talk about it. Start discussions; you can read through /r/askwomen for topics that women find interesting.
EDIT: just read this:
i've had a relationship of 5.5 years which ended about a month ago
Idk how long you had your bad habits for, but you can probably expect to take a proportional period of time to undo them. Life changes rarely happen over night, so just keep practicing. The more conversations you sit through the more you'll be prepared for the next one.
[–]SelfAmuse 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
You need to have a GAME PLAN going in. Especially as a newbie. If you don't know the structure of pickup yet I highly suggest reading about the Mystery Method and learning the M3 model.
For now, practice opening. Know your OPENER. Practice it over and over again. Get good at that little piece then add another, and another, and another, etc. etc.
[–]0newinged 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
i thought the best kinds of openers were casual "hi, i'm...." "hey, how are you doing?" instead of all those cliche lines?
i'll look up the mystery method and the M3 model. thanks!
[–]beastenator 2 points3 points4 points 13 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
That does seem to be the general consensus around here.
As for conversations:
Start doing things you enjoy in your free time and talk about those. There's bound to be something you enjoy that she enjoys too, so talk about that.
Or, ask a crazy unexpected question. Something like: What would you do if you could fly? That has got to lead to some conversation.
[–]Setsa4 points 13 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Additionally, have faith in what you do. Even if you have some hobbies that you might consider lame (like being a mystery novel fanatic or whatever) present it in an interesting and knowing way. Expanding your activities by trying new things is only half the battle, the other half is establishing authentic interest in these new ventures: actually doing something you enjoy doing.
Working on openers and introductions is fundamental, but beyond that you have to work on engaging in conversation actively. A preset conversation will only go so far. To really catch a lady's attention you have to break the small-talk barrier and be able to delve into personal interests on a whim and relate them to relevant phenomena in the venue.
At a sporting event? Talk about how you played high-school football and were an impervious safety. At a concert? Bring up musical interests and past talent or critique playfully. Coffee house? Literature; favourite novelists and writing styles. The thing a lot of people fail to realize is that they already have unique interests worth sharing in all of these fields, they just don't do so in a developed manner. Work on presenting yourself in an interesting way and highlighting why people would want you around.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
present it in an interesting and knowing way
I find this is great advice. Everyone is interested in a hobby for some reason. Being able to eloquently explain why you find something exciting will make even the most boring hobby sound relatable.
Explaining why it's exciting to you is good, but you get a medal and a cookie if you can figure out what motivates her and describe your hobby in a way that connects with her interests.
maybe a stupid question but wouldn't "what would you do if you could fly" be a bit to random and cause the girl to feel uneasy?
i understand the train of thoughts, just no experience or idea on the limits.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 13 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't think that was intended to be an opener. Otherwise, yes it would be a little random. It's the kind of thing you ask later when you're looking for conversation to create a connection.
turn off your computer, tv, & video game console. also take a time out from smoking too much pot. Go outside, and do anything: i.e. take a walk, hike, bike ride, a free concert if you can find one. bring a friend if you can. There you can meet & talk to more people. from there your conversational skill can improve, it's pretty hard to do that looking a tv/computer screen
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[–]n1cey 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]silveridea 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ObiWan111 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]0newinged 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]ObiWan111 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]SelfAmuse 0 points1 point2 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[–]0newinged 1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]beastenator 2 points3 points4 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]Setsa4 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]0newinged 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link