How to become self-motivated?

PyouA · 2012-02-27T01:39:54+00:00

My pragmatic answer:

You should be figuring out two things 1.What are you doing to get blown out? and 2. What kind of people are you surrounding yourself with. You should be able to talk to girls at a university without having them embarrass you. Most of the time when I talk to a girl, even if you watched me from across the room, you'd have to ask me how it went. You are just talking, there isn't really a failure unless you happen to run into the 1 in 100 bitch that will put you down. Just be confident and social and learn to recognize a girl who isn't interested and still end the conversation on good terms - maybe even talk casually for a bit.

As for your friends. I don't know who the fuck you are hanging out with, but what kind of college senior isn't into picking up girls. Not only that, but it sounds like you have put yourself in a negative feedback loop - you approach, don't succeed because your friends lack of confidence affects you, then go back and get more disapproval from your friends, then repeat. This sounds like something that belongs in some eternal hell. You either need to become more outcome independent, but you also need to start surrounding yourself with people who are willing to have a sense of humor about things and not be a bunch of up-tight cowards.

And there is no reason for there to even be an argument about methods. Don't be a little dickhead and tell your friends how you've figured out the world because of PUA and are going to get laid all the time. Clearly such a stupid statement is going to pitt them against you. Don't think it is entirely their fault, I doubt it is.

Approaching shouldn't be about proving methods, it should be about picking up girls.

My Theoretical Answer:

Your brain has two halves. The left side makes models and codifies the world while the right side pays attention to the infinite and the peripheral. There are ways to deactivate the left or right hemisphere and when you do this people will often give different answers to the same questions. Even one that they draw a lot of identity from, like, "do you believe in god?"

Anyway, when you model the world around you - your brain isn't smart enough to take everything into account, so it simplifies things. Take a model I like, Mr. Social, Mr. Comfort, Mr. Seduction - this is certainly not how things actually work. Sometimes something could be right and wrong at the same time. And certainly not ever interaction could fit nicely under one of those categories, sometimes it will fit under more than one, sometimes under none of them. Since this is how the real world works (including other people/women) your right hemisphere is usually the part that is making social connections.

A lot of times I see people read stuff and model the entire realm of social relations definitively around an abstraction/model. They will see the world as if everything falls into the model they subscribe to. Since the model is inherently 'empty' in the sense that it is simplified - when you live in the world of your model - a lot of times you are going to start to feel existentially depressed for no good reason.

You are out talking to girls and being social, but why? Remember that the models that you are using, and the theory you have learned are only tools. These are not ends in and of themselves. The end goal here is an exchange between you (in all of your ambiguity, impulsiveness and cognitive dissonance) to the infinite and never fully understandable world around you.

2012-02-27T03:04:06+00:00

sounds like you need new friends man, surround yourself with positive people

g1h2 · 2012-02-27T02:34:38+00:00

Getting blown off is tough to handle but you shouldn't let it get to you much. Of course there will be girls who won't give you the time of day for various reasons but having your friends tell you that confidence and actually taking the shots doesn't matter is just toxic to your entire approach.

You should try to find a guy who is more like you and head out to bars with him instead. A proper wingman that is out to help is infinitely better than having friends sitting on the sidelines bringing you down.

IV-65536 · 2012-02-27T06:35:31+00:00

I basically know exactly how you feel, and have been in that spot before, and emotionally visit it sometimes, but here's what I think about:

So you've gotten rejected. But what about the times you did do well? I mean, there has to be at least SOME girls that liked you. Even if they don't sleep with you, or you said/did something dumb in the middle, or failed to do something smart, whatever it is, there had to have been some girls that liked you for at least a bit.

All the game stuff is only about those girls that sort of like you. You literally cannot do anything to sway the girls that plain-and-simply don't want your presence.

I've thought that it sucked or whatever, but then I remembered the good times. I think everybody takes good stuff for granted (on some level), because that's what they expect to happen. The future picture has already been made to be something beautiful and inspiring, so connecting the dots is only natural. But, when you can't connect those dots, you start to pay attention.

In reality, there are no dots to connect. I saw a pretty neat quote that said something like "Guys that aren't good with girls can get 1 out of 100 girls. Guys that are good with girls can get 10 out of 100 girls." Hopefully, you get the point that in both of those, the odds are still against you. You can't expect to win every time. After thinking about all my interactions, yeah some were bad and awkwardish and didn't go anywhere, some were just meh, but some of them did work out well. And out of those that did, a few of those really did.

And fuck your friends. They suck for saying shit like that. If I were in your situation, I'd go out by myself.

jk147 · 2012-02-27T17:48:16+00:00

Approach is not just about gaming while you are at bars, you should try and do it during day time, park and in your case classes. It should be an everyday activity.

If you feel drown out take a break, 3 weeks without talking to females is all the motivation you will need lol.

Highwayman · 2012-02-28T01:38:28+00:00

Quit masturbating. No joke. Stop for one week and gauge how your mind perceives things and how motivated you are with women and other things in life.

Title	How to become self-motivated?
Author	rhcprocks
Upvotes	13
Comments	13
Date	February 27, 2012 1:04 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/q7eke/how_to_become_selfmotivated/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-become-self-motivated.1329054 https://theredarchive.com/post/1329054

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