How to escalate past making out

ritrm · 2017-10-30T05:28:00+00:00

ahhhhhhh this is a tough one. taking girls back is so random. a lot of girls just like to make out, but there could be a whole bunch of factors to whether or not she’s down to go back and have sex. if she just met you, shares a dorm, on her period, doesn’t know if she wants a hookup with a stranger, etc. most of the girls i’ve talked to think making out is harmless, means nothing. but sex is entirely different. I think most hookups happen when they’ve known them for more than just that night, went on a date or hung out during the day and were vibing before the drunk. they had to have been down before they got drunk.

Although there are just some girls that are “easy” and if she’s just feeling you, she might take you back. but that’s pretty random whether or not she decides to. Don’t be too hurt about it tbh. shooters shoot, even if they don’t always score.

edit: p.s. Don’t just ask if she wants to get out of there after a couple minutes of making out. terrible idea. make out with her, go mingle, go back to see her and try to get close enough to start it back up, make some jokes, know her name, her major, basic info. you want her to be comfortable with you . and then ask her when she’s really giving you that look, maybe like when the party is dying down or is getting too wild. and if she says no, still stick around. don’t be the guy who just wants to get his nut and if she’s not giving herself up to him , he dips. maybe the next night 👀 when she is more comfortable with you, knows you’re not gonna kill her

Close · 2017-10-30T07:30:59+00:00

Of course she won't go back with you at that point, she is having a fun night out with her friends.

You are asking her to:

1) finish her night out, which she is presumably enjoying and not finished with

2) abandon her friends mid-evening

3) go somewhere with the explicit purpose of having sex with someone she just met

4) go back to her (possibly messy) house and let you sleep there

Even if she wants 3, she might not want to do 1, 2 and 4.

The solution? Wait until the night is almost finished (solves 1 and 2) and ask her if she wants to go back to yours for a couple of drinks as you aren't quite done with the night yet (solves numbers 1, 3 and 4)

CountingClovers · 2017-10-30T05:35:07+00:00

She probably was not planning on things going any further than they did. ¯_(ツ)_/¯

recyclablebanthas · 2017-10-30T06:44:54+00:00

but my drunken self pulled away after a couple minutes and asked her if she wanted to go back to her room. She pulled back and said she should probably go back to her friends.

Couple things:

Often, it's better to not go for the make-out, as satisfying and validating as that can be. There's a concept that women often like to have some deniability when it comes to the lead up to sex. Because then they won't judge themselves harshly or face judgement from their friends for being sexually liberated.
On the other hand, she might have only been there to be "naughty" at the club and hadn't intended anything further. You attempted to pull might have just led to her revealing what had been the truth all along.
On yet another hand, you might have been served better by making a shorter hop to a place in between the club and her room.

Any of y'all know what I should have done in this situation instead of being painfully obvious.......

In the end, it's not necessarily bad to be "obvious," at least in actions and eye contact.

But verbally, innuendo will serve you better. And if you have the patience to tease things out instead of going in hot and heavy for the make-out, while still physically escalating in ways that are less obvious to observers but clear to her...... then you'll ramp up the tension to the point where she'll also be more likely to just flat out as YOU if you want to go somewhere private.

Bricemck · 2017-10-30T14:44:53+00:00

I'm going to ditto u/ritrm, u/Close, & u/recyclablebanthas. There is good stuff there, and you should factor that into your next attempt.

I'm also going to say, you rushed things and burnt out. You made out for a couple of minutes and then expected to close? That only works in porn, and news flash, it's fake. On average, women need about 11-13 minutes of foreplay, and that's the average! Some women need 20 minutes or more. My ex wife for example needed to make out 15+ minutes, then clean herself up, get into lingerie, and then make out for at least another 10 minutes. Attempting a quickie like this would have pissed her off to no end (part of the reason why she is an "ex wife"). My point is it takes time.

This is a guess, but I think you were using below your belt to make your decisions. As soon as you got warmed up, you assumed she was as well. We've all been there brother, but you've got to move past that and understand that women need you to go a bit further beyond.

You also need to work on your transitions. "Back to your place" was again probably a bit forward. Give her a reason to want to come with you, this is why Netflix & Chill was a fantastic tool before it became a meme, it's a reason for her to be alone with you in a comfortable setting. N&C is not nearly as effective now because of the meme status, but you get my point.

april_cutter · 2017-10-30T17:06:10+00:00

Like all human behavior and motivation, it's complicated and you may not be certain of the exact rundown here. Here are some possibilities:

She didn't want to have sex that night, and that was that. There was nothing you could do. But who knows, she was down with getting felt up so eh.
You rushed it. Sometimes you need the illusory passage of time to make things 'acceptable.' I mean how long from meet to you asking her back? <30 minutes? That can work sometimes but I wouldn't push it. You should have taken a break to talk to her, ask her to take a smoke with you or a walk outside just for some fresh air - huge compliance hoop you're giving her, but not as huge as sex.
Some people argue that the makeouts reduce chance of sex. Perhaps. Personally I don't find that to be the case, but eh. But it can't hurt to be the one who is 'less eager' or to pull back first, if you want her to chase you a bit.
I tend to shy away from "my place?" verbalization. Girls need plausible deniability. Like lets go see my fishtank/ drink some tea/ get my flux capacitor at my place real quick here. They know its sex (unless incredibly naive) but they need the bullshit excuse. Various possible reasons why (they don't want to seem easy, to them, you, or their friends later when telling the story - dafuq cares). Also 99/ 100 girls would rather go to YOUR PLACE than THEIR PLACE. Unless your place is 100% not an option of course, which is true for you, but still.

Night_Hawk1 · 2017-10-30T08:20:17+00:00

You don't ask to go back to her room. You're not a puppy she's taking back to take care of, especially when it comes to fucking. You're a man you should be leading her around. "Let's go outside for a bit, i think my friends are out there" "Hm they must have gone to another bar. There's a cool pizza place right around the corner, we'll be back in 15 minutes, tops" "damn that was good, say lets go back to your room for a quick shot of that stuff you say you had before we come back."

DirkDieGurke · 2017-10-30T06:29:16+00:00

You were doing good. If anything, instead of asking, just inform her that you both are going back to her room.

I_Poop_On_Birds · 2017-10-30T08:29:23+00:00

Grab her by the pussy

Title	How to escalate past making out
Author	deodamnatus
Upvotes	24
Comments	17
Date	October 30, 2017 3:54 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/79ld7q/how_to_escalate_past_making_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-escalate-past-making-out.1296889 https://theredarchive.com/post/1296889

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