How to have an abundance mindset without current abundance

The most common—and very important—question I receive in regards to abundance is as follows:

“but how do I have an abundance mindset when I don’t have abundance, or have never had it?”

Valid point.

I’m not here to say that it’s easy to achieve a mindset of abundance.

Let’s get a realistic view of the abundance mentality. It takes time, mental resilience—not to mention the feeling of abundance fluctuates.

It’s not like you reach a magical point where you always feel incredibly abundant in your life. We all have moments where we feel down and aren’t 100% fulfilled in our lives.

So don’t expect the Mindset of Abundance to be a Nirvana-like state you achieve that you never come down from. It doesn’t work that way. Glad we got the misconceptions out of the way.

One of my friends who is still very active in the game recently went through a minor slow spell in his dating life. He has dated and hooked up with more women than 99% of men out there, and still experiences dry spells.

Yes, it happens. The myth of the flawless ladies man who never gets rejected, flaked on, and ALWAYS has options—is exactly that, a myth.

This same friend recently had a really good observation about abundance:

Dating abundance won’t come until you first have an abundance of life. You have to have a purpose, you have to maintain your health, you need to maintain friendships and non-romantic relationships. You have to be busy and have a full life.

Yes, busy people who are pursuing their purpose can be lonely. But it’s the foundation you need to have before you can have any type of dating success.

If you are not fulfilled in your life, if you don’t have an overarching purpose, you will ALWAYS look to others for happiness and validation. You WILL be needy and anxious in relationships.

I grew an abundance mentality in dating after I came off from a divorce and didn’t have any abundance at the time.

It was a process of building momentum, enjoying the process of learning, and being unattached from outcome. Momentum is huge in developing an abundance mentality.

  1. Stay physically active. This may sound like like it’s unrelated, but being physically fit is crucial in believing that opportunity in the world is open to you.

  2. Embrace the numbers game mentality. The sheer number of people and opportunity in the world is massive. You have to put yourself out there extensively.

  3. View dating as a learning process to simply improve your social skills and have fun. Don’t seek out a girlfriend, or even tie your perception of success to how much you hook up. Have fun, be observant. The WILL improve naturally with the more experience you get.

  4. As mentioned previously, find your purpose. It’s not an easy answer, but find one thing in your life that you strive towards, that is more important than women or dating. It‘s a strange phenomenon, but naturally, women will be more drawn to you when they sense that you have a determination towards something.

  5. Keep a mental inventory of your victories. I mention this mental exercise in my book, The Foundation. As mentioned before, there WILL be moments when you have down periods. Visualize two or three points of pride you have in your life, reasons why someone should be lucky to be with you. This mental inventory will serve as a reminder that you are a prize, and you will have abundance eventually.

Full article on topic: https://modating.substack.com/p/fundamentals-how-to-have-an-abundance