How to not be the dancing monkey?

Peso17 · 2015-09-07T17:46:21+00:00

There's a difference between small talk and a conversation where you're getting to know someone. Perhaps you should be more humorous during the initial conversation, then transition to a slightly more serious / interested tone when you know both parties are interested and engaged.

gardenofjew · 2015-09-08T04:59:10+00:00

There shouldn't be an act in the first place.

Ideally, you'd be funny and carefree because that's the type of person you are or have become. If it feels like an act, then you should work on letting go of the anxieties and fears that are holding you back normally and making you use an "act" to be funny and carefree.

This can be stuff like feeling embarrassed if you say something stupid, accidentally offending someone, etc.

With enough social interactions you'll internalize the reality that most people don't care too much about your faults and won't get too offended.

Practically, in the short-term, you could develop another "persona", though its best to think of it as a set of behaviors you're working on incorporating into daily life. This persona would be a joker who isn't afraid to be vulnerable.

From joking around to genuine connection there isn't a hard line. Joking around and laughing at each other's jokes and conversations can be very rewarding in terms of connection, though it's true that eventually you'll want to get more deep and vulnerable.

For this type of stuff, I'd recommend Models by Mark Manson. He does a good job describing how to foster genuine connection.

Personally, I find that initially I can go from joking to connection by making jokes about stuff that's more personal. I might make a joke about how my future job doesn't have much future prospects, or how her future job makes a ton of money. And then we can move into discussing how our values have led us to our current interests, and stuff like that.

So as a sample list of questions, though its best to ask these implicitly as statements:

Why do you do what you do? --> "You seem like the type of person to value experiences over wealth."
What attitude do you approach life with? --> "You seem to enjoy taking risks. "

Alll of these questions/statements allow for mutual sharing that leads directly to more vulnerability on both sides.

Mi5ery · 2015-09-08T10:45:54+00:00

Maybe you're too much of a dancing monkey in general. Slow down, talk about what genuinely interests you from time to time, open up, don't be afraid to show vulnerability. You set the frame, so if you're always joking, nobody will dare to open up.. I also had this issue, what helped me was to change something on my everyday interactions with anyone, just as I said.

asshat_billy · 2015-09-08T06:36:46+00:00

I think I was in the same kind of position before where I was way too reliant on cockiness and humour. Ultimately it is the subtext that wins out. Humour is a great way to communicate that you don't give a shit and you're self amused and unfazed by the validation others give you, but it is so easy to put too much energy and focus into it.

onathevicious · 2015-09-08T00:43:10+00:00

You should read more and watch more documentaries that way you will be a more rounded person. Then conversation will come natural.

Otherwise you seem like just a clown.

cakeofzerg · 2015-09-08T03:12:11+00:00

Don't fucking ask her anything, just tell interesting personal stories.

Title	How to not be the dancing monkey?
Author	carlospicywiener2121
Upvotes	27
Comments	12
Date	September 7, 2015 4:51 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/3jzmri/how_to_not_be_the_dancing_monkey/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-not-be-the-dancing-monkey.1393783 https://theredarchive.com/post/1393783

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