How to not be “too nice”?

DaygameCode · 2024-03-27T16:53:13+00:00

One of the main reasons guys are too nice is they are sexually repressed.

They are acting like sex disgusts women, acting like showing sexual interest is a taboo thing that will creep her out or that it disrespects her.

If say a compliment and they may even say stuff like “You are pretty, no offence, with all due respect, no disrespect”. They are apologetic and try to show way too much empathy and try to avoid as much as possible to make her feel pressured.

They also never tease her or mess with her, they also act too agreeable, and too cooperative rather than being dominant because they think dominance and being uncooperative is too authoritative.

They also are not assertive and try to compromise to whatever the woman says she wants. They try to adapt to what the girl says she likes, prefers or wants. They try to agree to go out to a date that fits her schedule, rather than the guy being the one who says when he can and having her adapt to his schedules.

If they have sex, then they are too careful with her, they dont spank her, they don’t call her dirty demeaning names because they think it is too disrespectful, or that they will get hurt.

Rob775533 · 2024-03-27T15:58:17+00:00

Read 'No more mr nice guy' by Robert Glover

R4bbl3r · 2024-03-27T16:09:27+00:00

The struggle I am having is being the man and taking charge and paying for everything and doing all the things. But at the same time I feel like a simp reaching out and inviting women to do things. Where is the line between simp and being a man and taking charge?

SaintSepharim · 2024-03-27T17:46:05+00:00

Being a nice guy does work. The issue is when a nice guy wants to win a girl that’s where it falls apart. Never feel like you need to apologize for “not being your normal self”. You should always be your normal self. If you want to become more desirable, then slowly build natural flirting into your character. You do that by not taking things seriously and being okay with jokes. Jokes that are not direct and obvious but instead more very subtle hints or indications. And you immediately drop and talk about something normal after the joke. Like it was a ghost comment and didn’t happen. Or she isn’t sure if there was a sexual connotation to the joke or not. By barely saying it and moving on she won’t have time to feel awkward or uncomfortable. Even better if you laugh at your own joke rather than awkwardly wait for a reaction. That’s why you be yourself because then you actually find humor in what you say and do. You aren’t being serious, you are relaxed and having fun. She should feel okay because it was dropped pretty fast. Which also reassured her that you are just having a good time being you and not after anything and maybe then she feels she can relax and join in the fun too. And if she has an issue and brings it up (maybe you came off strong rather than joking or she feels there is more behind it and wants to stop any attraction from your side), you just say it wasn’t serious. It’s not the apology she is looking for or that it won’t happen. She wants the reassurance that it’s not serious and you don’t want her that way, or as anything more than friends. If she can relax and have fun with you, that’s a major step to becoming a more exciting friend.

A nice guy cares more about making friends. And having a good time. If you make a lot of friends and are a fun guy with all of them, you become someone people naturally want to spend time with. And even build attraction towards. Being a nice guy, you should never have to be direct with an aggressive approach. It’s totally out of character and you’ll already feel uncomfortable and like apologizing. Making an aggressive approach is not nice, even if you apologize. Because every guy does that to flirt. And then the girl judges purely on looks. Instead it’s the subtle things that put no pressure. Just jokes and laughing and having fun. Be nice by keeping things exciting. Maybe even unexpected sweet things. And you immediately move on like it’s no big deal. Being the nice guy is a slow and longterm buildup. Eventually with a lot of friends, some will have crushes on you and make moves in more or less obvious ways. Or you will build a close friendship that has feeling behind it. You can’t make moves on anything. Girls will let you know. Or you make the light jokes until after days or weeks it reaches a point of light flirting and after days or weeks there is some sexual tension. Again nothing direct. Anything that happens should kind of happen naturally without much pressure. It should just feel right and sort of flow. So just focus on friends. Because if you aren’t interesting enough to hold friends, why would you be interesting enough to hold a girlfriend. Same with walking up to someone new. It’s easier to make a friend on the spot than it is to flirt and hook up, so start by learning friends. So you can develop the prerequisite skills of making conversation, being comfortable talking, and being interesting.

epimpstyle · 2024-03-28T11:09:07+00:00

Don't go to extremes. Being too nice is as wrong as being too bad (for example, always agreeing with her is as bad as always not listening to her.) You need to balance and express what you like and what you don't like. It is that simple.

not being afraid to disagree

If you have a reason to disagree, that is fine, but to disagree just to show how "bad" you are is stupid. Playing this "bad guy" concept is dangerous because you can very easily fall into the "jerk" category if you don't do this properly.

every guy I know who has a nice guy personality has had issues w women or has been perpetually single or a virgin

It looks like you have already created an idea that you want to believe, and you are looking for evidence to prove your idea. At this stage it is useless to show otherwise because you only see what you want to see. At the moment I have the feeling like it is too soon to understand but as you get older you will understand what it means to be not too nice but not too bad, you have to be in the middle.

ROBYoutube · 2024-03-27T15:57:47+00:00

I also want to know how you be not nice to be around while simultaneously trying to get someone to like being around you. Seems like a really obviously bad idea but I can't wait to learn otherwise.

Chicagoj1563 · 2024-03-27T23:38:17+00:00

Don’t over think it. Social dynamics happens in the moment so it’s spontaneous.

Think about topics you can introduce that are easy to free associate off of.

“So what kind of guys do you usually date”

“Were you a nerd growing up”

Or anything else you can think of that seems natural to you. Those kind of topics make it easy to riff off of and create playful teases.

For practice, next time you are in a good mood and watching tv, try this.

Press pause after a character says any line. Then improvise the next lines yourself and make yourself laugh. Feel free to use “that’s what she said” jokes or whatever. The point is to practice self amusement, misinterpretation, saying crazy shit that makes you laugh. Go crazy with it. If done right, you should be laughing out loud. It should be all improvised and in the moment.

That may give you a feel for it.

also, don’t play it safe. If you’re too nice and boring, take a few risks. Accuse her of hitting on you or something else that is outside of what is normal for you. Don’t think, try to be in the moment. Practice improvising conversation.

atomant88 · 2024-03-28T05:44:25+00:00

theres nothing wrong with being nice. nice is good. you cant be too nice.

as long as you signal intent, build rapport, and escalate with consent then youre good. being nice will only make those things easier

0xzeo · 2024-03-27T20:05:25+00:00

Take RISKS. Ask her something personal, something sexual, see how she reacts. Remove all conceptions about what's "correct" and acceptable. As long as you have tact you can go there.

Title	How to not be “too nice”?
Author	5_8jokes
Upvotes	5
Comments	20
Date	March 27, 2024 3:54 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1bp5afm/how_to_not_be_too_nice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-not-be-too-nice.1513404 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513404

Comments