Huge inner game issues. Advice?

intjpua · 2010-11-03T23:54:16+00:00

Or just seriously be like "fuck it", and just direct game and just have a nice heart to heart?

This is direct, but it is not game. Never imagine that a heart to heart is game, my friend. It is anti-game. Women like mystery, they like thrills, they like surprise. They like emotional roller coasters and uncertainty. They live for it, in fact.

A heart to heart conversation where you bare your soul is the antithesis of all of that. It takes away all the mystery...you lay all your cards on the table. Even if she liked you before, she won't like you for long after that. Didn't you ever see Pretty in Pink? Duckie does not get Molly Ringwald.

I believe you should start interacting with other girls, so that you aren't so fucked up in the head when you are around one that you really like. One-itis is a pernicious disease because it is self-reinforcing. The more you pine for one girl, the more AFC you become, and the lower the odds of you attracting that girl or any other...your options get reduced to none, and your desperation begins to show in everything you say and do to women, this one in particular.

One little thought about flirting with other girls: Your AFC will tell you that doing so might hurt your chances with The One. But, it won't. It'll help with The One, if it does anything.

ThrowawayPUA · 2010-11-03T23:31:09+00:00

You are already in the Friend Zone. You put yourself there. If you can't escalate, you will be friendzoned forever with her. Women want a man who can lead her to the place she wants to go: your bed. Take her there.

Absolutely do NOT "have a heart to heart." That will turn her off. I know, I've done that, it does not work. Do not ask her to get into a sexual relationship. Take her there.

cheddarchexmix · 2010-11-03T23:32:19+00:00

Well, first off, you need to fix your internal confidence issues. From where you are right now, that will probably take a while. Definitely talk to everyone you meet, guy or girl, ugly or not, and practice your conversation skills and building rapport with strangers. Go on dates with girls you're not really interested in for some practice. Touch everyone you are in conversation with to practice comfortable kino. Improve your life so that you feel super confident and unable to be brought down by others (guy or girl). Do lots more social activities, parties, etc.

There are some things in this report that you could improve on. This girl either already has you in the friend zone or is waiting for you to make a move. If I were you, I would put an immediate halt to the dinners and coffees. For your next date, do something at your place, like making dinner together (together, not for her! It's not one of my standard moves but I think it would likely work here). Keep kino escalating, then move in for the kiss. There is nothing to lose, the worst thing that will happen is she'll tell you that she is not interested in you. Even that would be better than your current situation because then you can move the hell on and forget about her.

How long have you been semi-seeing this girl? If it's been longer than a few weeks, I wouldn't get your hopes up, sorry. You are aware that you've almost certainly been LJBF'd in the past by moving too slowly, so keeping in that mode is a vicious cycle, right?

2010-11-04T01:59:58+00:00

If by direct game you mean looking her in the eyes and saying "I want to fuck you" or something equally bold, yes. Otherwise, no.

Here's what I did: After spending so much time worrying about this shit I made a rule: Any time I get nervous about talking to a girl, or making any kind of move I tell myself "well, shit now I MUST do it" and then do it. I tell myself I have NO CHOICE. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE if you let yourself get nervous. At that point you are required to act because it forces you to face the problem head on.

alexryane · 2010-11-04T04:51:42+00:00

Kiss her. Next time she comes to yours or you go to hers and you are both alone just kiss her. Do it at the door as she greets you for best effect - but make sure you're alone. The absolute worst that will happen is you'll have read it all wrong and she will be surprised - which she'll get over. Just do it and then come and thank me here.

Oh and I just got rejected trying to kiss the same girl 5 times this week and still she comes back for more. Unfortunately my girl is a fucking mental case who says she doesn't think I "really want her" but that's very rare - first time it's happened to me and an amazing learning experience.

philosarapter · 2010-11-04T18:03:47+00:00

Your problem is too much talk, not enough action... therefore a 'heart to heart' will only increase your problem... its still not pulling the trigger.

This battle goes so much further than simply getting the girl. This is the battle all of us face throughout the entirety of our lives and is the defining aspect of manhood. The battle to conquer yourself.

Contemplate death. Understand that your life will one day end and then upon this realization, move towards actually living this moment now. Because if you don't. It will pass you by, just like every other moment in your life, never to be lived again. Time is ticking away and there is nothing you can do about it but squeeze every tiny inch of enjoyment you can out of it.

Don't run away from your fear. Don't repress it. Don't hate yourself for feeling it. Don't avoid it.

Embrace it. Let the fear consume you, let it do its worst and simply sit there and observe it. Understand fear, stare it in the face and do not blink.

There is nothing any of us can say that will magically absolve you of the fears you face. You are the only one who can overcome your inner struggle. But realize that this entire process is absolutely necessary and that this may be the most important moment of your life... the moment you choose to start living. Stand up tall and face whatever may come. Should you find the courage to do things despite your fears of the unknown (or in your case, the all-too-familiar), you'll find that kissing a girl is such a trivial gesture and you'll laugh with tears in your eyes at your previous cowardice.

But it all starts now.

You need to take some alone time at the top of a mountain. Seriously. Find out your true worth. Contemplate the sum of your life. Figure out why you made the decisions you did. Don't shy away from any answer because it is too uncomfortable. You have to integrate the whole of yourself, not simply some of the parts. It seems likely to me that there are parts you don't like about yourself, and instead of addressing them, you change the subject for fear of getting uncomfortable. Dig deep. Find your inner strength.

Then use this strength to run shit like you are the fucking boss.

"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell." -Buddha

blundering_rafc · 2010-11-05T20:10:12+00:00

Update: I was like, fuck it, lets go direct. I mentioned that a song that came up really reminded me of her. Did some texting and stuff... Unless I'm really reading this wrong:

".... I really care about you, probably a bit too much esp you'll be back in the other side of the world in a few months".

I think she's actually into me. Time man up and see where this goes. Thanks for the advice guys, it's just kinda up to me at this point.

dark180 · 2010-11-04T16:30:44+00:00

say fuck it, kino and kiss

Title	Huge inner game issues. Advice?
Author	blundering_rafc
Upvotes	4
Comments	12
Date	November 3, 2010 11:18 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/e0vug/huge_inner_game_issues_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/huge-inner-game-issues-advice.1312724 https://theredarchive.com/post/1312724

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