I don't know how to continue to get better.

IDGAF9000 · 2012-12-17T00:26:05+00:00

Your 1) and 3) show that you're still insecure about yourself (expressed as jealousy). Insecurity is basically the belief that one's own value is lacking in some way, whether you consciously or subconsciously know it. In reality, everyone has strengths and weaknesses--everyone has a different background, different experiences, a different path in life, heck everyone even has different DNA (except identical twins). Comparing yourself to others who are by definition different in almost every way possible creates needless suffering for you.

Therein lies a potential solution: stop comparing yourself to others, and make your life awesome (which I assume you're doing since you said you've changed a lot). Once you're proud of your own life, you will be naturally confident. While you're busy making your life awesome, you may have to continue faking it. But not comparing yourself to others, and realizing that some things you just can't change (the fact that he's tall, the fact that he's married to this chick that you like so thinking "I could make her happier" is a waste of energy), are things that can help you immediately.

IWantToChangeMyLife · 2012-12-17T02:18:36+00:00

1) When you start improving yourself you start to see where others are not doing such a great job. It's part of the analysis. Now, for this one particular girl. You may be able to show her a great time on a night out, but she is married to this guy, they are committed to a lifetime of happiness together. You are looking at one part of her life (going out) and saying you can do it better. Great, he has the rest of it covered, and he has committed to doing it the rest of his life. Think about that, don't go near splitting up a marriage or you are a piece of shit.

2) That's good that you are feelng like that. Enjoy the moment, then start making the moves when the rapport has been built. It will improve with time.

3) Everybody feels like that sometimes, just give yourself a mantra like "I'm a superstar and these girls are blessed to be talking to me" and say it to yourself when you're feeling like that. But just accept that everybody doubts themselves, then plough on regardless.

4) If you're in the right stage of life, and you meet a great girl, then yes, having a girlfriend can be amazing. If either of those two are not in place, it can be more trouble than it's worth. For every relationship I am in I look at objectively. Is my life better for having this person in my life. Are the inevitable sacrifices worth the benefits? If yes, continue. If no, they're gone.

meat_delivery · 2012-12-16T23:36:40+00:00

Hm number 3 reveals some inner game problems. Maybe you should try to improve yourself first, then continue "pickup". I'd even say by doing that, you will already feel some progress, which will then boost your confidence.

Well one the one hand it's good if you're not right up front hitting on every girl, but you will have to escalate (very early if possible) if you want to get something going and I bet you know that;)
Actually I think this is a big personal flaw you might have. You are jealous of this guy, therefore making up reasons why you should have his girlfriend, and that is just weak. Just because they seem to have not much in common, doesn't mean they are not happy together. Stop thinking about her, accept her as a friend, and get to meet other girl. Maybe she can be your wingwoman.

Also:

I am not really looking for one night stands or random kissing or shit like that. I am looking for someone who wants to just go out and have a good fucking time.

A little contradicting, isn't it? Or what exactly do you want anyway?? Because, in my opinion, a little fooling around is what makes a good night (not always though).

So yeah I don't know if this helps a lot.. if it's true that people beg you to go out with you then I'd say everything is more or less fine. Try to escalate more and get some closes and soon your problems might go away.

RIPoldAccount · 2012-12-17T00:26:24+00:00

Number 1 sounds like oneitis, only cure for oneitis I know of is to be with other women that really over shadow the girl you originally liked. You always want what you can't have which sounds like your number 4. You want a friends with benefit situation, you didn't mention if you ever close, kind of hard to rent a book if you never go to a library.

Number 2 sounds like you aren't quite sure why you are working on your game which makes me believe you're probably not closing (holding out for the friend?) or that you close too often and want a g/f but that conflicts with #4 so it resonates more that you want the friend to be your g/f. The main reason why people in relationships don't feel the need to continue to work on their game and their mindset never gets into it is that if they are not going to close why bother being in the pickup mindset.

Number 3 says to me that you took a slightly different take on what being confident is about. You only fake that you're comfortable in your own skin until you actually become it (thus the fake it to make it phrase). If you are thinking that the way you're acting is depressing, it sounds like that you are trying to be what you think is confident but in reality your getting bummed out that yourself isn't confident only your alter ego is.

What I would do if I was you:

Find new women to get your mind off of female friend.
Convert new women into wing women (this is possible if the two of you don't really have chemistry but shared an intimate moment and you or them don't turn into a weirdo)
Stop trying to be what you think confident is and be yourself (a lot scarier!), reflect on your social interactions, are people just as receptive, more, less? If they are equal or more then booyah great! If they are less, then why? Are you an asshole? Would you rather be introverted? Do you have a chip on your shoulder and don't really realize it? (something that I recently discovered about myself). And take it from there - identify the culprit, you have to dig deep. It helps if you have a friend that will call you on your bullshit.
Not in the pickup mindset - Need to get your mind off of your friend! You probably feel halted by the fact that you don't want her to judge you (an anti-confident person thing to do). Do you have a naturally low libido? Maybe take some organic natural supplements. Go hang out with the "bros" and get amp'ed up. Take a vacation with some friends (other than your oneitis and her bf).

I feel like I hit on several topics but the two that stick out are the oneitis and you're acting like you think you should but are not acting like yourself. Getder'dun. Good luck!

TheLordG · 2012-12-17T00:28:40+00:00

(1,3) What books have you read that are related to inner game? If you haven't read any yet, I would wholeheartedly recommend No More Mr. Nice Guy. It's short, I read it all in one sitting I was so excited by it. It changed my life for the better. I recently saw my ex girlfriend 2 months after we broke up and about a week after I had read the book, and she was just stunned at how much I had changed. I saw a look on her face that she was attracted to me again and it made me feel like a BOSS.

(4) As for girlfriends, it personally depends on where you are in your life. To me, it sounds like you might be ready for one. I enjoy it, it's nice to have someone you can be yourself with and completely relaxed around. However, right now I'm not looking for that, so it's all up to you.

(2) I can see this as a blessing and a curse. When I first started doing it, my mindset was completely focused on pickup, so I was looking for all the signs and trying lines. However, doing so completely shut off the normal part of me that can talk to people, so it was kind of a hilarious disaster. Over time, I've grown so now shifting in and out of pickup mode is more like a sliding scale rather than an either-or state. Just keep at it and it will eventually grow. I'm doing a 100 set challenge of just touching everyone I meet and being more outgoing, and it's working wonders.

Title	I don't know how to continue to get better.
Author	IWantToChangeMyLife
Upvotes	13
Comments	14
Date	December 16, 2012 10:53 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/14ynaf/i_dont_know_how_to_continue_to_get_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-dont-know-how-to-continue-to-get-better.1344331 https://theredarchive.com/post/1344331

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