I thought that "NGAF" mentality would be enough, but because I haven't dealt with this part of my life, it's pulling me down in my interactions and creating a barrier. Has anyone been through this? How did you deal with it?

Desperate-Visual · 2019-12-28T03:20:40+00:00

New to this sub, but I immediately clicked with everything you said. I haven't really dated for 9 years with a few things in between when I was drunk, but that's about it. When I'm sober I feel like an amoeba without any real form that can't communicate with women which turns into not being able to communicate with anyone. I've taken a dgaf approach and really try to believe it, but can't and it just hurts me even more. I honestly just don't want to be hurt the way I was when I was younger. People tell me I'm attractive and I do notice some good looking women staring at me from time to time smiling, but I always let my inner demons talk me out of believing that it's meant for me or that there must be someone behind me. I look in the mirror and can't believe what anyone could ever see in that face. I'm in my late twenties, but everyone always asks for my ID or say I look like I could be in HS which I never understand because when I look at myself, I see someone who's old and just really tired. My mind brings me into scenarios of if I did try to talk to them and how badly the rejection would be. Then a flood of reasons why they wouldn't want me come pouring in basically listing all my flaws and how I'm not meant to find happiness (I don't really want to post specifics). Honestly my self esteem is so low that I'd pretty much say yes to anyone. Mentally it's become a matter of winning or letting them win and I can't give them the chance to reject me and hurt me even more. It's always a lose lose though.

Sorry for just puking all that up, but I keep everything bottled up inside and never tell people what's going on inside so needed to say something. Sorry if I have nothing useful to help with, hopefully someone else will answer with some encouragement.

rich_god · 2019-12-28T09:27:30+00:00

It seems like you’re putting a mask of « I DGAF » but you’re actually putting aside your feelings and sensations. You’re disconnecting from yourself and building a wall between yourself and other people.

You won’t have a better or happier life that way. And you won’t get better at building fulfilling and loving relationships. Actually, it has been shown that longevity and health is directly linked to your ability to express your feelings.

Have you read « the subtle art of not giving a fuck » by Mark Manson ? As long as you don’t align your conscious mind with your subconscious, you will create emptiness inside yourself and won’t be fulfilled.

Shadow__Account · 2019-12-28T11:56:08+00:00

So you do still care, you are only pretending not to care, which could maybe help you jump start a little bit in getting better results, but i feel before you reach a level where you really don't care it will take a lot of time and experiences. You don't just simply adept a mindset or attitude.

The moment you really dgaf will be when you have faced and defeated your "inner demon"

The road is probably much longer than you thought, but enjoy it that is what life is and its also not a black and white thing but more of a gliding scale so things will change for the better as you improve on the scale long before you reach your goal if that goal is even reachable.

MyGoldenBoyz · 2019-12-29T00:41:00+00:00

Will someone please tell me where all of these damn acronyms are listed. I’m pretty sure NGAF isn’t ‘not good as fuck’. Thanks

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