Juggling between multiple girls without lying to anybody

2011-06-27T02:00:29+00:00

OK, throwing all the community dogma out the window, I'll give you what I know based on my experience.

First, there is no way. There isn't one method that will work with every girl. Some girls are looking for lovers, some are looking for providers, and some are open to either. If she's only looking for a provider, and not a lover, then you won't be able to make it last for more than 2 months without shit coming up. I've made it to two months many times, but around that point I either get an ultimatum or she starts acting passive aggressive. At that point I just move on.

I have a friend that only see's girls once every 10 days max, and at least once every 20 days or so (so they don't forget about him). His game is tight though. He says that if you see a girl more than once every 10 days, it will trigger their pair bonding mechanism, and they will want to turn you into a provider (boyfriend). Of course this is a gross generalization, and there's no guarantee that things will work out with any women, but he always manages to find girls and can keep this up with some for months or even years.

For me though, I just got to a point where I didn't care. I wasn't in love with any of the girls I was seeing, so I was honest (without ever bringing the topic up, don't want to rub it in their faces). If they wanted to stay, cool. If they wanted more, then I moved on.

If she asked me if I was seeing other women, I'd reply "do you really want to know?". If she pressed me then I'd say "yes". If she wanted details I'd say "that's not really your business". I'd try to be as respectful as possible.

Also I always made clear at the start that I was at a time in my life where there was no possibility for anything serious/casual. Girls would say "ok sure" but in their heads they think they can win you over. The hot ones always think they can win a guy over, because usually they can. Not being able to win me over frustrated them and made them even more attracted to me. That's what kept them around for a month or two. After that they start realizing that they're wasting their time and they move on or employ some jealousy strategy in an attempt to make me a provider (something serious and exclusive). At that point you have to end things before they get ugly.

I think the longest FB I had regularly was almost 4 months, and I never saw her more than once a week.

Also, if it's just a sexual relationship, then make sure that's clear. Make the relationship sexual. When you text her, make sure there's something dirty in there. Make sure you set a very clear frame; that the relationship is a sexual one.

Edit: Also wanted to comment on this:

"You do this all the time with girls don't you?" or "How many other girls are you doing this with"

This is a test to check your provider potential (your willingness to commit). This just means that they are interested in you as a provider (or boyfriend), so be careful. Don't see her too often, and don't let her overstep boundaries (like don't let her invite herself to events, also maybe don't let her stay over too often). Because they are testing for provider potential, that means you have to stick to your lover guns. There will be more tests, and as soon as you start caving, they will attack. Maybe not the best metaphor, but realize that you have to set the terms of the relationship and stick to them. Seeing a girl once a week can easily turn into twice a week and then 3 times a week and before you know it she will have you in a real relationship.

ImKumarYo · 2011-06-26T17:00:36+00:00

It sounds like when they're asking you know they want the response they're giving. You have to be aware when a girl is ACTUALLY asking you at which point I usually sit them down, say something along the lines of "Hey, I think you're awesome and perfect .... but we're not exclusive"

2011-06-26T18:04:48+00:00

Curious and not trolling.. Where is your heart in all of this?

Bobsutan · 2011-06-27T11:57:15+00:00

"You do this all the time with girls don't you?"

That's called a shit test. Answer it with one or more of the following:

Agree & amplify (to absurdity)
Ignore
Change the subject

Your quip about "Sure, but you are abselutely my #1 girl for a friday!" is an example of Agree & Amplify, aka cocky funny. IMO that's just fine for dealing with the situation at hand and letting them assume you're seeing other women is the best way to go. The LAST thing you want to discuss is actually seeing other people in a cold logical fashion. Fuck that shit right in the ear! Keep it flirty, keep it fun, and things will tend to work out on their own.

Eventually though they'll want to get exclusive and will be serious about it. That's when you need to decide to shit or get off the pot. Do you drop her because you don't want to be exclusive or do you keep her around? If you keep her around are you going to dump the others or lie about being only with her? These are the questions YOU have to decide for yourself, so it's entirely up to you. My advice is do NOT let them badger you into a decision you'll regret later or aren't 100% in favor of for your own reasons.

razqel · 2011-06-26T17:25:15+00:00

"You do this all the time with girls don't you?"

Several ways you can address this:

Pick a fight. Misinterpret what she says as you having low standards for people you invite to your home or hang out with. "Don't you insult the people I invite to my home. I'm very particular about who I spend my time with. All the girls that come here are intelligent, high quality, beautiful women." Later, when she clears up the misinterpretation and apologizes, say, "I'm glad we got that worked out."
Be honest. Answer, "If you mean spending time with quality women, then yes." She's already suspecting you do this. By agreeing with her statement you take control of the frame.
Tell her why she is unique. Tell her what she gives you that no other girl does. Why is she special to you. If she knows why, then she knows she's not just any other girl that can be easily disposed.

"How many other girls are you doing this with"

"We're not at a stage in the relationship where you need to know that."
"I've lost count after 50."
If you're getting serious with her, be truthful. Maybe this is your reality: "I eventually want to find the right girl. I want you to find your soul mate as well. Until I know for sure, I enjoy spending time with you."

Yes, Harem Theory or whatever you call it works. Women love the challenge, the fantasy of eventually being the one you choose, the social proof from being with a desired male, and so on. I've written about in some of my older posts.

If it's not a widely accepted seduction rule, it should be: Never, ever, ever lie to women. Always be honest, even if the truth is uncomfortable or uneasy. I guarantee you will get more women this way than by trying to manipulate, scheme, or lie to them. For the women that cannot handle you being in multiple relationships, gracefully let them go. They don't fit your lifestyle.

For more information, see the sidebar link on LTR, although it would more appropriately named "Multiple Relationships."

zquid · 2011-06-26T22:20:28+00:00

The key to the 'this is the way I live, you can either accept it or be out' statement is that not all will stick around, but the ones that do will do so for the right reasons. You'll feel better about yourself, they'll feel better about the relationship, there will be less heartbreak and less drama. It's a win-win situation but you'll have to risk not getting layed, that shouldn't be a problem though... abundance, live by it.

gpua · 2011-06-26T17:01:53+00:00

The best way to deal with this is for you to truly feel that it isn't a weird thing or a problem, but that it's completely normal and that the idea of monogamy never crosses your mind. If your frame is rock solid she won't question it. "this is the way I live, you can either accept it or be out" is the right attitude to have, but don't directly offer her an ultimatum like that or it won't go over well most of the time.

2011-06-27T03:35:20+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ChemicalRain · 2011-06-26T19:09:49+00:00

Personally I would just tell her that I love women and I'm just going on a streak to find one that clicks the best.

PNWgPUA · 2011-06-28T01:22:08+00:00

This is exactly the question I was asking myself today. Just when I needed the thoughts and suggestions in this thread, Seddit came through.

I agree that boxing up a conversation in clinical terms and chaining it to reason and logic kills the mood, but keeping your own thought process clear while you're in a playful frame is important. One framework I draw on comes from The Ethical Slut. It's a vocabulary of polyamory terms that you can sprinkle through the conversation for a few reasons:

Explaining unfamiliar terms creates a power dynamic: Teacher and student.
The terms are often (not always) useful to describe what's going on. For example, it sounds like you're describing a set of secondary relationships. You probably don't have a primary but you don't need one--the girls in your life sound like secondaries because of the attributes of your relationships with them, not because of their ranking against your other relationships.
We define our world through language. If she's using new language to talk and think about you, that can put you in a different world for her. It's risky--if a new term gets used as a name for your relationship, the fact that it has a name gives it more weight. I've field-tested it twice, one moderate success and one dismal failure.

Title	Juggling between multiple girls without lying to anybody
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	16
Comments	24
Date	June 26, 2011 4:35 PM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/i9m79/juggling_between_multiple_girls_without_lying_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/juggling-between-multiple-girls-without-lying-to.1319693 https://theredarchive.com/post/1319693

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