Lack confidence: Need help with approach

Mertwented · 2013-11-09T14:03:35+00:00

The way I see it there's two ways to deal with the lack of confidence issue.

A top down approach where you just start approaching girls with a lack of confidence and get used to an abundance of rejection which in turn builds up your confidence over time but only through external validation. I only recommend this for a short amount of time, to get used to rejection in the first place.

Then there's the approach i'm taking at the moment, which is to start from zero and work on yourself first. I started doing things such as nofap, exercising, eating well, meditating and getting a good amount of sleep and eventually you will just feel naturally confident, without women's validation and eventually it will feel comfortable just to approach them and you won't be as bothered about whether they like you or not. This however takes a lot more effort than the top one and more time which seems to put a lot of people off but the benefits are massive.

klukjakobuk · 2013-11-09T14:26:29+00:00

There was an RSD Tyler video I saw a while back.. and I can't find it now.. but it was basically asserting that whatever shortcomings you feel you have, embrace as awesome. He talks about going to the gym for the sake of feeling better, not in search of some improved form. Before going out to pick up girls he looks in the mirror and thinks "my skinny little arms are fucking awesome. I love my receding hairline. My little dick is fantastic," and means it. It sounds ridiculous, but I've been doing this in my music lately (loving every sound, more or less) and have experienced a huge improvement. I think turning off that internal critic is essential in having confidence.

Also, doing what you really want to do in life-- Honest Living from Mark Manson's book-- can help the job stuff. If you're not excited about what you do at work, make time for something that you are excited about or that will get you closer to your ultimate job. Keep that as your mental focus and just grind through the job for now.

matrix2002 · 2013-11-09T15:38:08+00:00

my current job is not very exciting

This could be more significant than you think.

You need purpose to your life.

It sounds like you have done some really interesting things.

Was your confidence better when you were doing something you enjoyed or were more into?

If so, then you need to start looking into making a change.

I struggled for a while with my confidence when I moved back to my hometown after living abroad for a while.

Moving wasn't the issue, it was the lack of interest in my hometown and the job I felt I had to get.

I felt stuck and it really hit my confidence hard, which hurt my dating life a lot.

Whenever my life is going in the direction I want it to, my dating gets immensely better. And when my life feels stuck, my social life suffers a lot.

PandaFred · 2013-11-09T14:05:41+00:00

Honestly, building up confidence works like any other exercise, you have to do it constantly and diligently to see results. Not to long ago I suffered from a lack of confidence, and trust me I have far more reasons to be self conscious then you do it seems. The best method to approaching the girl you are interested in..

Is to approach many many different girls. And Im not saying try to date them, a simple hello and how are you doing will do. Anything to get a casual comfort ability to talking to them y'know. Like just walk on the street and say hi to everyone, eventually you'll lul yourself into conversations.

bl1y · 2013-11-09T14:25:43+00:00

First, control your self-talk. That's the way your internal monologue talks to itself. When you hear it saying that you're not very good looking, cut it off, and tell yourself that you are. Repeat until it becomes habit. You're a Marine, you should be able to apply some discipline to your mental state (and telling yourself "I'm a Marine, I can discipline my mental state" would be another example of positive self-talk).

Second, just open more. Keep at it. You need experience to build confidence. Even if you keep failing, you at least know the situation better and can build confidence from that.

charm3 · 2013-11-09T22:51:23+00:00

Are you in the Bay Area?

itakmaszraka · 2013-11-09T18:19:05+00:00

Get out of your head man. Even by what you wrote you seem like you're really self-absorbed. Nobody likes that. I'm sorry, but it's true, I had the same issue, still am fighting with it.

Title	Lack confidence: Need help with approach
Author	duke3030
Upvotes	8
Comments	9
Date	November 9, 2013 1:49 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1q8t5r/lack_confidence_need_help_with_approach/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/lack-confidence-need-help-with-approach.1361294 https://theredarchive.com/post/1361294

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