Hello Seddit,

It has been one week since I posted my first lesson and people have given me such great feedback, that I decided I am going to continue with this experiment. Now I am posting the long awaited second lesson. I have decided that these lessons will be posted weekly on Thursdays, so students can have the weekend practice and implement what they’ve read about in the lesson.

Ultimately as these lessons go on, they will become more substantive and focus on more advanced techniques of outer-game. But I think everyone will agree when I say that the basics of Pick-up are by FAR the most important. If you disagree now, then read my second lesson and see if it can change your mind.

Mr. Right’s Seduction 102 - A Confident First Impression is the Best First Impression

If you were to do a survey of women to find the most attractive non-physical feature in a man, the number one response would be - confidence. But why the hell is confidence so attractive? Because confident men get things done and are leaders of other men. They are high value and they are willing and able to project it through their words, body language and even their eyes. A woman wants some who is 1. high value and 2. is not afraid to show it. What this means is that your new mantra should be, “I’m sexy and I know it.” But maybe you don’t actually believe that about yourself.

Low self-esteem is a hell of a thing. It can stop you from believing in yourself or in your ability to change, grow and evolve. It can also make people, men and women alike, do some really crazy things. Often times, it results in us seeking validation from others and we will do anything for that validation. I’ve seen men become sniveling suck ups just for a pat on the head. I’ve seen women degrade themselves in front of men just so they’ll cheer and tell her how hot she is. You need to be different from this. NEVER seek validation from someone else. Become self-validating and self-confidence will follow.

How do you become self-validating? Act in ways that you think are right. Don’t do things because it makes you happy, don’t be a hedonist and follow your baser instincts toward reward receptors. Do what you believe is fundamentally the right thing to do. Now that can mean many things. It could mean standing up for the little old lady on the bus so she can sit-down. It could mean going for that 5k run that you didn’t really want to do but know you should because it is good for your health. But ultimately as long as you know you are acting in the way you ought to behave, then you will come home at the end of a long run, or after you’ve just helped someone and think to yourself - “Damn I’m awesome. It doesn’t matter what other people think because I know I did some good for the world/someone else/myself despite the obstacles that stood in my way. I really love that about myself.”

Before I go on, let me just say there are many way to build up self-confidence. This is just one of those ways that I recommend.

Displaying self-confidence

The first bit was mostly about inner-game and this next section will be a bit more technical. Displaying self-confidence is key to the game. Even fronting self-confidence when you don’t have any can be just as good as actually having it. “Fake it till you make it,” is actually a pretty solid piece of advice despite how cliche it is.

The five primary methods of displaying self-confidence are as follows

  1. Open Body Language
  2. Eye contact
  3. Kino/touch
  4. Frame control
  5. Verbals / Tonality

Open Body Language

Body Language is probably the most fundamental yet difficult to master because of how often our brains are just unaware of what our body is doing. Hopefully you all watched the video at the end of my first lesson and if you haven’t, I recommend going back and watching it before you continue on.

What we learned from the video is that people change their perceptions of us based on our body language and that we change our own self-perception based on our body language. When you stand with upright posture and your arms out so as to open up your body, you are displaying your confidence and reinforcing it in your own mind. Conversely, when you close off your body, you are displaying weakness and reinforcing that weakness in your mind. Thus the importance of mastering body language cannot be understated. Despite how basic it is, it is still incredibly important.

Eye contact

Also very basic but hard to master. At first, it is hard to stare someone in the eye without breaking eye contact. Especially if you are struggling with your self-esteem. That’s why it needs to be done incrementally at every opportunity you can take. Whenever you are in a conversation with someone, DO NOT BREAK EYE CONTACT. Whenever you make accidental eye contact with someone on the street, DO NOT BREAK EYE CONTACT. If you do this for practice, when you are in a real seduction situation, you’ll find it is easier to maintain that eye contact, which is crucial.

Once you start maintaining eye contact with women, you’ll start noticing that they treat you differently. This is because it demonstrates confidence while at the same time conveying a very subtle, but almost always appropriate amount of interest. People rarely feel threatened by keeping eye contact with someone they are talking to, but deep eye contact between sexes (who are heterosexual) is almost always an indicator of interest. It is also the first step in escalating sexual tension. Which brings me to Kino - the bread and butter of the pick-up artist.

Kino

Sometimes new students of pick-up have a hard time working up the courage to Kino. But if you’re doing it properly, it shouldn’t even be a thought, it should just be natural. The best and most effective, Kino, is incidental Kino. This is the kind of touch that gets your foot in the door and gets her comfortable with you touching her. The most brilliant part about this type is that there is plausible deniability. If she seems bothered by it, just step off and momentarily excuse it - there are many ways you can do this but the simplest ways are to play it off like it was nothing.

The next important thing to know about Kino is that you should escalate gradually until you meet some resistance - then back off. If your touch makes the girl noticeably uncomfortable, then back off and start again. However, if you continue to escalate without a problem, then that is a really good sign for you and often times means you can skip to higher rungs on the escalation ladder.

Keep in mind, the goal of the escalation ladder is to make the girl comfortable, not molest her until she is turned on. So only escalate in a comforting way.

Frame Control

Frame Control is all about maintaining your role as the dominant player - the leader or alpha. In almost all your pick-up scenarios, you should be taking the lead. Sometimes this lead or role as the confident alpha can be difficult to fill, but it can be even harder to keep once you’ve established it. There are three primary threats to your frame.

  1. Validation Seeking
  2. Outcome dependence
  3. Shit-tests

The first two are interrelated in many ways. When you go out to pick-up women, you must ensure that you are not seeking validation from them. If you are, then this will send some obvious signals to the girls that you are not self-confident. Moreover, when you don’t receive the validation you wanted, you will start to feel worse about yourself, which will cause future sets to be ruined. To avoid this, become self-validating.

Outcome dependence is very similar to seeking validation, only this time your validation is dependent on the outcome of the set (ie getting a close). Rejection happens and can happen at any point during a set, even if it looks like it is going well. If you are outcome dependent, then if rejection occurs, it will hurt a lot more. You should also avoid outcome dependence for another pragmatic reason: it is easier to have fun. Women are attracted to men who know how to have fun, so that should be your primary goal when you go out to pick-up. Once you realize how fun it can be to just flirt with a bunch of different girls, you’ll realize how easy it is to be outcome independent.

Finally Shit-tests are usually unperceived on a conscious level, but they occur all the time. A shit-test usually takes the form of trying to get you to prove yourself. But as soon as you try to do this, then it means you are validation seeking, and as I pointed out before, this is a strong indicator that you are not a self-confident male. Thus the best ways to handle shit-tests are often methods of diffusing them. Please read through the list of shit-tests in the r/seduction sidebar.

Verbal / Tonality

This last way to convey confidence is through what you say and how you say it. Never use words which are self-deprecating or make you sound unsure of yourself. Words such as like, I think, and um. Additionally the tonality of the way you speak is very important. A common speaking style is to end statements in a way that sounds like a question by increasing your pitch at the end. This is bad because, again, it makes you sound unsure of yourself.

Exactly what you say doesn’t matter as much as how it is perceived. If you are telling a joke, make sure it is perceived as such. Showing that you are easy/fun to joke and flirt with is a great way to show that you are confident in your social skills.

If you learn the skills of how to become confident and how to express that confidence, then you will be well on your way to pick-up mastery.

Assignments

Read this guide on Qualification

I hope you enjoyed and I look forward to reading your comments.

Your friend,

Mr. Right

Edit: added link to first post