Moving from dating to committed relationship

jsouthie · 2012-04-23T13:57:59+00:00

The problem is girls who want casual relationships don't want committed relationships. Youre going after the wrong girls. Instead of trying to meet girls with the intention of hooking up, look at them as people and just try to be friends and get to know them. Girls get into committed relationships more on personality than anything.

cmcm77 · 2012-04-23T17:03:34+00:00

Stability. Conversation. Ambition. Drive. Women who want relationships want to see these, and probably more 'perfect husband' qualities. I'm not saying that you think about getting married, but exhibit these and you will be 'long term attractive'. I don't think it's about the actions (time to respond back, waiting to call, push-pull, etc). Playing those games (i.e, not doing what you want but doing what you think she will respond to in a certain way to) is not congruent - and we all know (or we all should know) that there's something about women, some kind of extra sense, that can read men pretty well. When we have casual hook ups, we tend to think "since I was successful here, this all that women need, this is how to land a girlfriend". Nope, that's how to land a casual hook-up. If you sow casual hook-up seeds, you will grow a casual hook-up tree with casual hook-up fruits.

I'd say show her you're mature enough to talk about your hindrance/obstacle with long term relationships, but your actively improving yourself.

sillymallard · 2012-04-23T22:05:59+00:00

You know the sexual escalation that you are able to build quickly to hook up? Stretch that over a longer period of time, maybe a few weeks or even a couple months, and let it develop alongside a new friendship. Girlfriend means friend+sex. Be honest, determine if she has some similar interests/background, and see if watch for how well your personalities vibe. I think a lot of relationships fail, because sex was introduced too soon and there isn't any friendship. I also know a lot of relationships never become relationships, because sex escalation was introduced too late (i.e. friendzone).

GeoffreyDaGiraffe · 2012-04-24T06:28:38+00:00

I'm interested in this as well. Obviously there will be no "one right answer" as everyone is different but I'll ask anyway.

If I'm looking for something more long term than just casual dating or sex, should I hold off on things like fooling around and having sex for as long as possible?

The last 2 girls I was with both made the comment that things went too fast. The first of the two I waited about a week or two to actually have sex with but in the meantime and and after we pretty much settled into what seemed like a LTR style life. We saw each other multiple times a week. We took a vacation together, and we slept together about once or twice a week. This was all in the span of 1 month; but I was acting 100% honestly. I was doing everything I wanted to with her and not because I thought its what would attract her to me. I just don't know if we (I) settled into that relationship zone too soon. We ultimately broke up because she is bi and wasn't sure who she wanted to be with

The second girl was pretty much the same situation as the first girl only we had sex on the first date but otherwise we did almost the same things I did with the first girl minus the vacation. This one isn't actually over yet but looks like it is and it's because she is into drugs much more than I thought she was (I'm completely drug free) and its becoming an issue. But both times they made the comment that things went too quickly.

fluidkarma · 2012-04-25T17:30:37+00:00

Know yourself
Know what you want
Communicate you intentions
??????????????
Profit

legendofpasta · 2012-04-23T17:33:04+00:00

All my LTRs began as that from the outset, they don't evolve from casual. Slower to grow, favoring intimate heart-to-hearts over fooling around. If you want commitment, your instincts get it for you. I loathe people who have the double standard of thinking that a LTR is just sustained casual dating.

Title	Moving from dating to committed relationship
Author	jsouthie
Upvotes	21
Comments	24
Date	April 23, 2012 1:34 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/so4ks/moving_from_dating_to_committed_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/moving-from-dating-to-committed-relationship.1331702 https://theredarchive.com/post/1331702

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