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Intro

I have approached before but it was only abroad while on holidays. You know, the foreigner boost, not giving a fk about my life boost and language boost (they usually speak less fluent English). I've always needed minutes of overthinking to make the step. Used to always go with an indirect opener, like a snake sometimes.

I've read about the seduction theory for few years. Read few books, some articles and watched some relevant youtube videos. While I thought to know what the right thing to do or say was in different situations, you all know that BS theory is worth nothing without practice.

My thoughts before the action

Just like each beginner I've thought that approaching a girl is the hardest step. I've thought that once I get over the fear it would go okay with my not the worst social skills and an okay success with awkward approaches on holidays. Oh boy, we all know how wrong I was. All that BS theory you learnt goes through the window when your wingman tells you to approach the girl and although you don't know what to do you still don't want to do it.

The last 100 and more times when I left my house with the intention to approach on my way but never actually did so left me being afraid I wouldn't do a single approach that day. I wasn't having any particular thoughts, more of a primal fear in general. Maybe the fear of not knowing what to say. Obviously, after an unattempted approach I'd come up with BS excuses why I didn't do it.

First impression

If there's anything close to magic, it must be this. I'm taking with a guy, the same second he spots a girl of his type he immediately leaves me, heads towards her and opens. It happens so fast my brain can't process how it is possible. My fear grows because I know I will have to the same soon. I'm trying not to stare at them awkwardly. One moment they look into my direction and I know they're talking about me. I wave my hand. The whole process repeats few times.

Few moments later we're talking in a group. Another guy sees a red dress bomb walking by. The type all guys turn their heads around when she walks by. While he finishes what he was saying she's already quite far away. He thinks for literally one second and runs after her. He's away for a quarter hour. Number closed. At this point I know just must do it but the fear is still there.

First approaches

One guys pushes me and choses the girl I should approach. I punk out. This repeats few times. Now I feel stupid, I think I'm wasting their time. I try to think but I know it's pointless, it's overthinking, it's a bad habit.

There's never a perfect moment to approach. There's never a perfect moment in life to daygame. While my life is currently kind of falling apart, I don't want this to matter at the moment. I already know my brain will come out with 1001 excuses why not to approach.

I stop listening to it, I only need 1 good reason to make the step. I know I will fk it up but I also don't wanna regret not trying. I'm fed up with regretting, I want to regret going for it and failing. I'm disgusted with all my life full of excuses so far. The time is up.

I get pushed it once again. My body moves forwards. I already know the approach will go south but now it's too late, it doesn't matter. I use a given canned opener. I literally make every single mistake under the sun one can make. No eye contact, I talk too fast, stutter and basically interview her. The silent breaks are awfully long, I punk out and break it without closing.

At that moment I'm pissed af at my ass approach. At the same time there are questions and confusion. It didn't matter. The first approach was done. I think wtf is this shiet I know I can do better.

First improvements

Only the first 5 or so approaches seem like a big deal. By 5-10th approach I'm much calmer. I'm getting aware of the most basic mistakes and try to correct them on the spot. The conversations start to last longer, I kind of begin enjoying it. While I still ask a lot of questions they become more specific, more natural. I'm actually interested in what the girls are saying.

From the first moment I can tell if the girl is vibing. When before some used to walk away while taking with me, most do stop now. Although it turns out quickly they aren't interested they keep the conversation going and counter with questions about me.

The importance of support

After each approach I return to the group of guys standing together. I tell what I said to the girl and how it went. They give me tips and tell what I can do differently and how. It seems like each approach, no matter the outcome, is a win. They keep repeating not to worry about it and don't take the rejection personally. No one is judging. Some light tease between the guys is obviously present but it's never wrongfully meant.

Surprisingly I don't want to talk too much with them because I feel like my approaching mode is getting colder. I continuously screen the street in front of and behind us for attractive girls. I always wait if they go for them first. If they wait too long I feel obliged to take care of the girl.

One guys tells me to change my focus to overcoming as many fears as possible this time. I'm initially reluctant but I assume they know what's the best for me. They make me approach progressively hotter girls. Then I got played being told to open a set while they swear to join later on. They almost never do.

The peak

I'm talking with groups of 2,3,4 and even 5 girls on my own. They always stop and at least initially all of them keep their focus on me. At the moment I'm not aware of what I'm doing, I just do whatever the guys tell me to do. The breaks between approaches keep getting shorter. No time to think about what went wrong or I could do better. As Charlie Sheen would say, I have only one gear, GO. I'm becoming what Neil Strauss calls an approaching machine.

I feel like I'm spending more time in approaches than outside. Writing this feels surreal. It seems crazy but I somehow still don't fully understand nor can believe how I did all of that. Sometimes I used to think that I was capable of all that but there was simply something stopping me from acting. And since I never did, I started to believe that I actually wasn't.

A girl with a goddess' ass walks by. I look at the guys, they feel like my best friends already, I see their expressions and I know what it means. It's an instinct now. I reposition myself confidently and open her. I still ask questions, likely too many but my body language and my voice, they all feel calibrated, natural, like I don't need to think about it, I just seem to do it right.

From the approach 15 or 20th each one feels like an immersion in the moment. I don't know what's happening around us nor how long we're talking. I fully focus on her, her words and her reactions. This approach feels the best of all so far. I'm slowly running out of the things to say and prefer to number close it. I don't know what I did but the girl seems to really like me. She's very eager to give me the digits and hopes to see me soon. I finish with a hug.

Now I'm walking back to my friends. I quickly turn around to see if the girl's looking into my direction cause I just must express the excitement with the worst dance moves in the town. For the first time in my life I feel genuinely happy. Not because I got the number or approached a hot girl, these aren't the first ones today. My realistic brain tells me to prepare for the worst and expect a flake. I felt good about myself because I knew what I wanted and I did it. I literally cried writing this part, what a pus I am.

This feels like the best day of my life so far without a single doubt. Overcoming and mastering the fear gives me an enormous confidence boost and sense of power. It's not like I can fight bigger guys on the street, I know they will break me. I feel like I can approach literally anyone, no matter how many people are around, even if they're watching. I actually want them to watch, especially other girls so that after I can walk by, stare them right in the eyes and smirk.

Only then I actually realize how hot the girl I just approached actually was. An 8 or a 9. Not the 8 from years ago I had a huge crush on and everyone else thought she was actually a 5 or a 6. The one that spiked all of the guys' interest to inquire how did it actually go. Or maybe I'm just making all that stuff up to make myself feel better. That's likely the case.

Stats

I didn't count but I expect to have done anywhere between 20 and 40 approaches during the span of 6 hours. I got 5 contacts of which 3 digits. 0 IG cause didn't ask about it.

The worst that happened to me was one girl basically ignoring me during the approach while sitting on a bench and playing on her phone. It seemed like she felt superior. It was one of my first 3 approaches and I was so bad at the moment, I don't blame her really.

On the other hand almost all other girls were friendly and polite, especially if you are polite as well. So polite in fact that I needed to dig deeper to find out if they really had a boyfriend or just gave me a BS excuse so that I wouldn't feel bad about myself.

Final words

I'm extremely thankful to the guys for letting me join and especially to one of them for pushing me constantly beyond my level of comfort. Without him I would likely do the half or even less of what I did.

I'm also generally thankful to all the experienced guys out there who take their time to help the noobies like me, both on reddit, internet in general and irl. You're the real MVP and I hope to be able to repay to the community one day.

My tips for guys who haven't made the first step YET (by increasing importance FOR ME)

  • Appearance obviously matters. I know zero about fashion and just listen to my sister if it comes to clothing. If you have one, listen to her or a female friend. Otherwise it's better to listen to internet (reddit) strangers if you don't understand colours like me. Same with grooming and haircut. Smell nice and use a deodorant if the smell of your sweat scares all the innocent children and insects away.
  • Big cities and cities where most don't know you are the places to go. I wouldn't approach in a village where most equally aged know me and I know them from school etc. Luckily there are no such places for me as I was living under a rock for a while.
  • Make sure you have few free hours you can use for your first ever daygame session. Ideally you should keep going until you get into the flow and more or less max out your newbie approaching gains. In my case this happened after about 3-4 hours. The next point clarifies this but for me the first session of 1 hour would end up in me not being fully warmed up.
  • There's not such thing as a perfect moment to approach. Don't wait for one cause it will never come. If you can walk and speak then it's good enough.
  • Everybody has some fear before the initial approach(es), even the pros. There's nothing you can do to completely get rid of it except for ... approaching. I believe basically any excuse is and will lead to even more overthinking. Don't go that road, it goes nowhere.
  • The choice of an opener is obviously way too overrated. Ideally you use something original and spontaneous that you come up with right on the stop. Unfortunately I wasn't able to make up anything quick enough. I went with a basic complement on the looks. Spoken with the right tone, pace and eye contact it has worked wonders.
  • Support group of another players. This one is huge. For me this has made a difference between another year of regretting not trying to approach and using the peer pressure in a good way. Ideally you are the least experienced person in the group. Since you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with, you will by definition get better by hanging out with them. Use the contrast between skills and results as a mean to motivate you, not to be jealous. Don't be afraid to ask stupid questions: remember, they all have started somewhere. Appreciate if they take their time to critique you. While you may initially not like it, they are trying to save you countless of ineffective approaches by repeating the mistakes they have unknowingly done themselves for longer that they dare to admit. If your close friends find approaching weird and you feel uncomfortable talking about it to them, in the best case they will slow your progress down, in the worst you will unwillingly give up daygaming all together.

I hope this posts will help anyone. In case it won't, I for sure had a good time writing this. It will be a nice memory for me to look back at in the future.

Feel free to ask me anything or point out what I could do better. Maybe you find any of my conclusions to be incorrect or just partly correct. Help me learn.

The writing style is very lengthy and the future reports will for sure be more concise. I hoped to give other beginners a feeling of how the first step may feel. Don't hesitate to let me know which parts are boring and should be shorter and shouldn't be there at all, which should be longer and which aren't present but should.