So I'm a freshman in college right now and I've recently gotten a girlfriend (just hit 2 months). I've been in the pickup game for a while now; however, with this girl (unlike many others) I'm actually a "nice guy". This actually worked.

Clarification: This does not mean I'm a bitch. I'm just a nice guy. I shower her with affection, tell her how beautiful she is, surprise her, send her cute messages (just sent her a cute little message for Thanksgiving saying how thankful I am that she is in my life right now), make time for her, etc.

But how do I make this work? Why does she not disregard me like I'm some "nice guy" chump who puts her on a pedestal? Keep in mind that this girl is very attractive (the first night she was over in my bed, I had the guys on my floor simultaneously drop jaws).

I've really thought it over and it boils down to this:

  1. I'm independent. Honestly, so is she. When we first started dating, we decided that we're not going to be a couple that is conjoined at the hip. We have our own lives to lead, whether it be or school or extracurriculars that we're in. We'll schedule dates around what we do. We don't text each other continuously- we give each other space because we know that we have our own lives to lead.

  2. That leads to this second thing. I have my own passions, my own interests, and my own friends. I like to travel. I like to cook. I like to run. I like to watch movies/ TV shows. This leads to better conversations every day because I have something new to say- whether it be about someone I met up with for lunch or a new movie that I saw. My life is always changing and developing as I explore my interests. Have interests and keep up with them.

  3. Be genuine. Sometimes "nice guy" behavior doesn't work simply because girls can tell that you're just saying compliments to get in their pants. Trust me, I give TONS of compliments. When she looks great, I tell her. When I'm thinking about her while listening to Coldplay (her favorite band), I tell her. When I feel thankful or fortunate to have her, I tell her. But the way that I say these compliments and express how I feel is in a very genuine manner. This shows her that I actually care about her and am not just saying things to say things.

So moral of the story, gentlemen, is that it's not that "nice guy" behavior of putting the girl first is necessarily doomed for failure. Rather, it's about being independent and genuine and having your own life. You can still be that "dream guy" that does all these cute things for your girl, but be sure not to have your world revolve completely around your girl so that your actions come off as sweet and endearing rather than overbearing.

Thanks!

Regards, IndianWise