This is gonna be a long one, I’ll include a TLDR at the bottom. Mostly using this as a way to vent and also get some feedback. I am also posting on a new account because I would definitely get recognized on my other one.

It’s been a really rough month for me. I’ll start at the beginning. I’m a 25 year old dude who just moved to a new city for work. Originally, i was moving here with my GF of 2 years and a half. I was happy with her, we had a dog together, and we thought we would spend the rest of our lives together. I had moved up before here because of work so I had been here for about 2 weeks when something happened. An old friend of mine from college who I had the biggest fucking crush on ever came to visit the city I’m in, let’s call her Anna. Me and Anna always had great chemistry, I always thought of her as the “one who got away” because of how fucking gorgeous she is and how I blew my chances back in college by friend zoning myself. There was also a significant age difference in college, I was 18 and she was 21, she was just getting into her party days and I wasn’t there yet. Well now here we are, 6 years later and I have another chance. I hit up Anna over Instagram because I see she is in the city and I tell her if she wants to catch up. She responds almost immediately and says yes. So I meet up with her and her sister and a friend for drinks on a Friday. We have an amazing time, me and Anna are being flirty with each other, we are sitting close together, she is feeding me fries with her hands. Things are flirty but I never take the next step because i am still in a relationship with my GF who is not here (And also my insecurities dont allow me to). Well Friday was a blast, Saturday rolls around and I hang out with Anna again. This time things are a lot more tame and we go sight seeing and have another great day together. Saturday was her last day here before she left home. Well unsurprisingly, I fall very hard for this girl again. And it made me realize that the relationship i was in was just a projection of my insecure self. I just wanted to be comfortable and suppress my needs. There are other details but let’s just say me and my GF had a history together before. So that Sunday after everything happened, I called my GF and I broke up with her.

She was devastated, she did not see it coming. But I couldn’t lie to her after what I experienced with Anna over the weekend (I spared her the details but did let her know I wasn’t feeling confident about us). And I had to tell her immediately because she was about to move halfway across the country just to be with me and support me, and if I had doubts, I had to let her know before we did this. It was a very messy break up, I still feel guilty over it till this day and can’t believe myself for what I did to her.

So now here I am in a new city, no GF, sprung over Anna who is now back in my hometown. Trying to figure myself out again. I started reading Models by Mark Manson as that is what everyone recommends. Currently I am 300 pages in and it is very eye opening. It made me realize that Anna stirred up these feelings inside me of being unfulfilled with my life but they have been there the entire time. I have been settling my entire life instead of being out there and who I want to be because I have been nervous to be who I want to be. I have never thought myself worthy of having gorgeous, 10/10 woman because I don’t believe I am worthy of it. And that’s why I fell so hard for Anna, because here is a 10/10 actually being normal with me, like I’ve always wanted and it showed me I am worthy of it. Now obviously, Anna does not know the way I feel, I have not told her and my plan is to ask her out on a date when I am back home. For now, I have kept my distance. I know she isn’t a great texter and the last thing I wanna do is friendzone my ass again. I’ve also come to realize that I am projecting all my insecurities on to her and that is the perfect way to lose girl. Now, I know I gotta figure myself out first and everything else will fall into place.

So now here I am, with a renewed sense of purpose. I have been working out for the past 2 weeks, i have been eating better, and I am trying to work on my game. I still feel shitty about what I did to my ex, but I am trying not to think about it.

Then this past weekend comes, I go out with 2 guys from work who are also single with the goal being to chat up some ladies and finally get laid with someone who isn’t my GF. Well things didn’t go so well for me, I ended up losing the 2 guys i was with, they ended up going home with girls and getting laid, I ended up alone. I felt shitty, but I know I also didn’t try hard enough and I got in my head about talking to girls like I always do. Then I got home and got even more fucking depressed, thinking about my ex and how I fucked her over so badly, and for what? To continue being a pussy.

So here I am now, posting this shit on reddit and ranting. I know what the obvious answer is, I gotta start approaching girls on the street. I gotta stop being in my head. I gotta start putting myself out there. But I don’t know why it is such a fucking hard thing to do for me. My coworkers that I went out with made it look so fucking easy. I know I’m not an ugly guy, I know I can talk to girls easily, I have plenty of hobby’s like DJing and drumming. I know I am fucking cool and I like who I am, it’s just when it comes to cold approaching woman that I become weak. But I know that it’s a skill and that I can get better at it.

I guess I’m mostly just posting this to vent and let everyone else know that I am right there with you guys. This shit is fucking hard, and it is suppose to be. But I am hoping I can look back at this in a month, and be in a better place. If not, I will just continue hating myself like I have been doing for my entire life, and I’m so fucking tired of doing that.

TLDR: I moved to a new city, broke up with my GF who was suppose to move up here with me because I started getting feelings for another chick over here. Now I am trying to work on my game. I go out with 2 dude coworkers, they both get laid, I don’t. It makes me feel shitty, and now I am trying to get better at this aspect of my life. Any tips are appreciated, and to anyone lurking, I am right there with you brother but I believe both of us can do this. Thanks for reading.