Don’t be so hard on yourself guys.

BluePsychosisDude2 · 2021-08-04T05:40:04+00:00

It's really scary for some people to see reality for how it is, like finding out Santa Claus isn't real. No, you don't have a shot with that hot chick at work that shows no signs of interest in you, who cares, move on.

I know about 10 years ago my one friend was really into pickup, and I used to be SO mad at him, because I thought he was such an asshole (granted, he did some shitty negging stuff with women), still he had success and I just could not understand it and would actively deny that it was possible. I didn't want to accept that most of attraction is just escalation, that women can and often ARE attracted to bad boys, and that a woman doesn't even have to like you to sleep with you.

HappinessHero · 2021-08-04T06:30:17+00:00

Sadly, there’s not a lot you can do unless your “Nice Guy” friend develops self-awareness. He is more than likely has an avoidant attachment, more specifically, fearful avoidant attachment. You’ll probably find he yearns for intimacy, but fears it at the same time. His nervous system is constantly creating distancing strategies that push people away. But his body still has needs which is where the people pleasing comes in. He’ll probably exhibit many of the abandonment issues such as being too agreeable, conflict avoidant and has poor boundaries. The one thing he won’t tell you is that he may be experiencing sexual shame. He probably doesn’t know it himself! All of these traits and behaviours are subconscious and he won’t know he’s doing them. One of the problems with fearful avoidants is that they construct a fantasy world where everything is perfect. All the boxes are organised and placed correctly and the puzzle looks perfect. Everything in this fantasy world makes sense and they’ll struggle to understand why people can’t see the world they do. Anything external that breaks the puzzle or the organisation of boxes will send them in to a tail spin. That’s why your friend won’t looks at the books you’ve tried to get him to look at. What’s very sad is his nervous system which has resulted in these traits and behaviours all happened by the time he was 4 years old, mostly likely through emotional neglect.

Further more, our emotional systems get developed first and by 4 years old we should be emotionally independent. By 7 years old we develop logic & reasoning. Your friend probably excelled in the logic & reasoning development. But his emotional system is still underdeveloped. If you see odd behaviours and frustrations, ask yourself what a 16 year old would do? The problem that your friend is having is that he can’t connect with women emotionally. If you can get your friend to do the following attachment test, it will give him a good idea what his attachment style is. This might be enough to wake him up!

https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com

The most concise description of avoidant attachment is from Maya Diamond. I’m certain this will describe your friend accurately:

https://empowerlove.us/what-is-your-attachment-style-part-2-avoidant-attachment-009/

Narcan9 · 2021-08-04T06:06:01+00:00

Better to go hard on her than hard on yourself.

Alive-Doughnut2345 · 2021-08-04T02:50:58+00:00

Thanks broski. I needed that. It helps to keep yourself busy and just sorta not think about it too. Whether that’s work, hobbies, exercise etc. Just be a good hard-working man.

kinglykidd · 2021-08-04T03:09:00+00:00

I’m your friend. But it’s time for a change.

hh7139 · 2021-08-04T05:45:31+00:00

It kinda sucks that if you don’t go after her as more than a friend to begin with it’ll probably never happen.

vonhudgenrod · 2021-08-04T12:18:07+00:00

Just my 2 cents, if you know your best friend is having a hard time with women and is bitter about it, don’t make him listen to how your problem is ur getting too much pussy.

hh7139 · 2021-08-05T01:19:22+00:00

This is easier said than done because a lot of the people in my life also make me feel like an idiot for not being able to do this as easily as they are.

Title	Don’t be so hard on yourself guys.
Author	hh7139
Upvotes	120
Comments	19
Date	August 4, 2021 12:21 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/oxgpsn/dont_be_so_hard_on_yourself_guys/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dont-be-so-hard-on-yourself-guys.1278997 https://theredarchive.com/post/1278997

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