Overcompensation

E3Lman · 2020-01-21T22:37:24+00:00

E.g. how do I know when I should do what a girl asks without having to feel like a chump for it?

As long as you're asking yourself this type of questions you're overcompensating, because you're needy and/or manipulative.

Do something for a girl, not because you think it will help you in the grand scheme of getting in her pants, but because you're a genuinely kind guy who does things for people and expects nothing in return. That's actually extremely attractive for girls, believe it or not.

The real reason why most guys think that they shouldn't be nice to girls comes from the nice guy syndrome, in which guys who are overly nice and kind get turned down by women. The reason why they're getting turned down by women is not because they are nice, but because women can sense that they are manipulative and/or on their best behavior in order to get into their pants. That's when they feel like there's something off about the guy and turn him down for multiple reasons: they think he's a player, or he's a creep or whatever.

So in short, your problem isn't overcompensation itself, but the reasons why you're overcompensating.

When you do something, you should try to answer the following two questions, but without bullshitting yourself:

Am I doing this because I genuinely want to, or because I'm hoping that she will like me this way? If the answer is the latter, proceed to the next question.

Am I doing this because I'm lacking confidence? If the answer is yes, then stop working on girls and start working on yourself.

If you become confident, you won't feel the need to overcompensate. If you do not overcompensate, then you start doing things that are in line with who you are. That way, you won't care about the way other people see you and your actions.

And believe it or not, only then will you be able to attract women.

harryhoudini66 · 2020-01-21T21:33:31+00:00

Its sounds to me like you want to improve your confidence so that you can get better with woman than to improve the quality of your life. You obtain true confidence by working on yourself. That should be the end goal. Determining your self value is key.

Like you said, that is the hard part. What I find that many of the seduction and pick up forums do is teach you to fake confidence rather than obtain it. If anything, maybe look at other forums like self improvement?

Reha_A · 2020-01-21T21:40:29+00:00

You have to have strong beliefs for the things you do, the way you act and who you are, so when someone tries to test your reality you stand in your ground hey this is what I stand for and this is who I am, I don't compromise for that and when you can convey that confidently and non-reactively you are golden.

TheGoldStandard35 · 2020-01-22T22:04:56+00:00

Be honest with yourself. What are you insecure about? What kind of person do you want to be. Do you know what virtues are. Do you try to live by them. Do you lie, cheat, or steal...do you like that you do that.

Are you addicted to anything...drugs, alcohol, masterbating...how do you feel about that.

False confidence doesn’t turn into real confidence and most girls can see right through it unless they are young or not worth your time.

The more you focus on being who you want to be and the more you are honest with your strengths and weaknesses the more true confidence you will have.

As to your last point, that’s not as easy. As a man you want to be the leader, but you should also treat her how you want to be treated. I would try to lead as much as possible...where you go, what you do, where you sit ect...if she has ideas that sound fun make it happen.

whirleymon · 2020-01-24T02:26:52+00:00

You pretty much cant notice it in the moment. Think about your interactions afterward. How you were feeling. How you expressed yourself. What you could have done better to be more authentic. Keep working on yourself and you will get past the pain period.

Title	Overcompensation
Author	E3Lman
Upvotes	0
Comments	9
Date	January 21, 2020 9:15 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/es16n1/overcompensation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/overcompensation.1488938 https://theredarchive.com/post/1488938

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