Last year, I found myself single after again nearly fifteen years.

One of the first books I read after becoming single was Models by Mark Manson, which is mentioned frequently in this sub.

In it, Manson advocates for being emotionally vulnerable and honest with who you are, even if it means being rejected.

At the time, I found this approach refreshing, and like most who discover a new way of doing things and are learning their way, I over-compensated.

One of the biggest mistakes I made frequently early on was overdosing on vulnerability. Instead of using restraint and letting my dates learn about me gradually, I delved into the heavy subjects right away, often on first dates.

Rather than focusing on having fun, I made the classic, but simple mistake a lot of men make: I got too fucking serious.

Even though I was bold and confident in sharing who I was, it was too overbearing for many of the women. Even those who I had great chemistry with would tell me that they thought I hadn’t healed from my prior relationship, and it was too early for me to date.

On one date, both of us made the critical error of making our exes and past relationship traumas the primary topic of conversation.

I had caused her to project the negative feelings she had about her ex onto me, without knowing it, and things never developed.

This doesn’t mean you should hide who you are when you meet someone, but there needs to be restraint.

Exposing who you are too early and too easily will make the other person see your emotional baggage before they see your personality.

Be open about who you are boldly, but don’t let the emotional vulnerability be your primary selling point.

You still need to be charming, make her feel safe, and make sure she associates you with positivity and having fun.

Be willing to be vulnerable but with control, especially early on.

Otherwise, she will view you as a potential burden, rather than someone she will want to know more.