Problem with translating my thoughts into speech

kurtgodelisdead · 2012-10-29T12:42:36+00:00

I'm an introvert who is not very sociable in general. I don't like going out a lot, I feel uncomfortable at loud and crowded places. Because of my commitment to become better with women, I changed and learned a lot to become the person I currently am now. However, there is still a huge problem hindering me from reaching my full potential: I can't speak as well as I write.

Speaking and writing are almost synonymous. If you can write it, you can speak it. The big difference is lack of editing. But notice: People retract words or phrases and replace them with better phrases during speech. For example:

"The sky was blue.. no, better yet.. the sky was indigo, and the clouds.. the white fluffy clouds filled the sky.. filled the sky, for as far as you could see."

You are basically editing as you're talking, giving better descriptions. You could strike out an entire "speech paragraph" by changing the topic. I could go on, but you get the idea. People only pay attention to what you say in the last 5 seconds during conversation. Use that to your advantage.

If I have a few seconds to think about a response, I could give an amazing answer,

You don't have to give an amazing answer every time. People will remember when you had an amazing answer on the tip of your tongue. Start practicing amazing answers on occasion and ad-lib the rest.

but in live communication my performance is inconsistent

Public & conversational speaking is a skill that is learned through practice.

and sometimes I may say something ridiculously to try to be funny.

Don't sweat it. As long as you're laughing at your own jokes, no one will mind if your jokes don't always get a laugh.

My close friend told me that I didn't seem to organise my thoughts before I speak.

You should pre-organize some thoughts, but be able to improv the rest.

Manhack · 2012-10-29T16:58:47+00:00

I have sort of a similar dilemma, where I will fumble with words sometimes in everyday conversation. I think I have narrowed it down to confidence and nervousness (what we would call inner game). When I have social momentum and have been talking to people all day I am a rockstar, I will clearly say what's on my mind and not give a fuck if it's not perfect or grammatically incorrect, etc, because I'm the shit and I don't get caught up in little details. However if I just rolled out of bed or haven't spoken to anyone in awhile I may be uptight and caught up in my own head a bit which means I will lack confidence and stumble whenever I say something that didn't come out quite right, which will happen with more frequency. It has gotten way better over the years as I have gained social experience.

Basically, keep your head clear and stay in the moment (don't get caught up in your head) and you will likely begin to improve naturally. The fact that you have a sophisticated base vocabulary means that you have potential to exude a lot of intelligence as long as you learn to call upon it with relative ease. Just relax and say what's on your mind.

LieBaron · 2012-10-30T01:44:24+00:00

Not sure this is a question of introversion/extroversion. Speaking and writing are two very different activities, so it might just be the way your brain works. Which means that you just need to practice. But in spite of the similarities, speaking and writing are actually very different activities/performances, and neither is more 'real' than the other, which is what you seem to be suggesting; that when you write, you are somehow being a phony, while your speech shows your 'true' introvert self. Well, bollocks to that!

That said, I think a better description of your problems are in order, not just that it's not as good as your writing.

haisdk · 2012-10-29T16:56:51+00:00

I find that sometimes thinking about what your gonna say hampers the delivery. Just say it and dont worry about the consequences. Like the other guy said you wont say something awesome every time but it will be remembered when you do and itll be extra awesome bc it'll sound natural and without missing a beat which exudes confidence.

spaceclown · 2012-10-30T00:23:45+00:00

Hey man, being an introvert deep down is nothing to worry about. I'm definitely an introvert, but I practiced becoming more charismatic and now I can express myself with ease. There seem to be a lot of other introverts in this community, but they rarely seem to get advice from people who understand introversion and I try to help out with that. Here's my response to a similar question asked by someone a few months back:

I used to kind of stumble over my words a lot too. What really helped me was focusing on really slowing down when I spoke. There's really no rush. I think a lot of guys get anxious about getting their thoughts out, maybe because they're already worried about what reaction they're going to get. Though it will seem unnatural at first, make it a point to slow down and enunciate your words. Speak loudly and be concise, people shouldn't have to ask you to repeat anything. Also, focus on stopping yourself from throwing in filler words like 'um' and 'uh'. It takes a bit of practice, but eventually all this stuff becomes habit and you won't have to think about it.

TL;DR: Focus on speaking more clearly. Not a big deal at all, just a matter of making it habit.

King_Tofu · 2012-10-31T05:37:21+00:00

not sure if it'll help but you can try joining a toastmaster's club. my club has 1-2 min impromptu speaking portions during each meeting.

samurai451 · 2012-10-31T22:03:33+00:00

I have this problem too! I'm more of an extrovert though, I just suck at translating my true thoughts into speech when talking about my feelings. I've gotten some advice in reading really descriptive books or even romance novels, haha.

Nexus2045 · 2012-11-01T06:52:02+00:00

Same problem here. Conversation is the backbone of seduction, and the anticipation of painful awkwardness is hampering my game the most. I hate all those moments where I do prolonged eye contact and nod and do a winceful grin just to fill in the silence - I always wish I can have something to say. Then there's those moments where I do have something to say, but it just comes out in disorganized chunks, leading me to try to hurriedly say it, and people stop listening...

kurtgodelisdead · 2012-10-29T21:32:45+00:00

You think too much and you're trying too hard.

heymomayeah · 2012-10-29T21:57:38+00:00

Can we cut the crap about this introvert bullshit?? Its all in your head, your just really socially awkward. As a former "introvert" to extremely "extroverted" person at some point you just have to get over it and fucking grow some balls / man up.

Title	Problem with translating my thoughts into speech
Author	Lovefish
Upvotes	19
Comments	24
Date	October 29, 2012 12:24 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/129sb8/problem_with_translating_my_thoughts_into_speech/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/problem-with-translating-my-thoughts-into-speech.1341946 https://theredarchive.com/post/1341946

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