Should I avoid telling failure stories?

ThrowawayPUA · 2015-03-02T02:48:58+00:00

Some guys think self-deprecating humor shows vulnerability. But I think you should avoid it. Here's a snip from "The Juggler Method."

Don't encourage people to laugh at you. Instead show them a guy who can help them laugh at life. A guy who can stir their imagination.
Forget the idea about self-deprecating humor helping people relate to you and thus like you more. They will feel comfortable around you but your personality will have no edge.

Here's a quote from Mark Manson's Models.

Also, beware of falling into the trap of self-deprecating humor. A lot of men, particularly needy men who are highly invested in other people’s reactions around them, will make fun of themselves and put themselves down in order to get a laugh.

After reading stuff like this in multiple places, I decided to watch my interactions and try to avoid self-deprecating humor. I was surprised how many times I did it, but what was truly horrifying was watching attraction instantly die, over and over, the moment I did it. It either comes off as false modesty, or signs of neurosis and neediness. Avoid self-deprecating humor.

Now on the other hand, if other people make jokes about you, laugh with them and show them you're a good sport. But don't retaliate with more jokes about them.

MetalPUA · 2015-03-02T03:58:25+00:00

Nothing kills a woman's attraction to a man like pity, and self-deprecation encourages a woman to take pity on you. Women want a man who presents himself as competent and confident, not a man who presents himself as kinda pathetic.

Romantic comedies love the trope of the goofy, bumbling, self-deprecating guy who wins over the girl, but acting this way in real life won't work. By using yourself as the butt of jokes you're basically saying "I'm kind of a loser, but I hope you'll like me anyway."

But, as ThrowawayPUA points out, you should maintain the ability to laugh at yourself if somebody cracks a joke at your expense. Being able to laugh at yourself shows that you're secure about who you are and you don't get offended easily.

DaygameCoach · 2015-03-02T06:01:11+00:00

Avoid self deprecating humor.

joshsway · 2015-03-02T13:22:21+00:00

Self deprecating humor is ok if you use it sparingly. Also, I generally like to use it in a way that it also DHVs at the same time. For example, if you tell a story that makes you seem like a huge dork, make sure it also makes you seem really smart.

IpickupGrandmothers · 2015-03-02T14:18:47+00:00

"Failure stories", when done in the right way, can be used to show vulnerability and authenticity, and can be an amazing way to build comfort.

However, that's completely up to the context. Like, if you're at a point where you're actually getting to know each other. Generally speaking, I would avoid that kind of shit. It shouldn't be your default thing to go to.

PM_ME_UR_UNWIPED_BUM · 2015-03-02T14:28:07+00:00

It's only good if it serves to highlight your self-awareness and speaks more to society (yourself included) rather than directly putting you down. Think Jerry Seinfeld.

Title	Should I avoid telling failure stories?
Author	poolrbear
Upvotes	5
Comments	7
Date	March 2, 2015 1:11 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/2xmblu/should_i_avoid_telling_failure_stories/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/should-i-avoid-telling-failure-stories.1384730 https://theredarchive.com/post/1384730

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