Just some random thoughts and advice I felt like sharing after being back on the dating scene. I don’t claim to be right about any of this, only my own personal experiences so take what you want. I’m in my mid-thirties, have a good job, and am reasonably attractive. Since starting dating again two years ago I’ve been with about 53 women.

Online Dating: I hate fake profiles so I know a lot of you won’t like this but if you’re just starting out with online dating you need to create a fake profile as a woman. Actually you should create two. One with a picture of an attractive woman and one with the picture of an unattractive one. You don’t have to really worry about putting much effort into the profiles. Just create both and then let them sit for a day and see what kind of messages both get. The first thing you should notice is the incredible amount of replies that women get, even the unattractive ones. It’s not usual for a woman to get dozens, if not hundreds of replies in a single day. You’ll probably even notice that the same guys are responding to both, even the attractive guys. (Don’t think that women aren’t smart enough to do this too and don’t also have a second profile just to catch guys sending the same message to everyone.) Also notice how the majority of messages are just “hey”. Once you’ve gotten a look at what you’re up against delete both profiles. Make sure you don’t respond to any of the messages. As fun as it might seem to troll remember that these are real guys just like you and me that are sending the messages, even the ones who sent “heyy, u dtf?”.

Don’t use your real name or post any information or photos that could identify you in your profile. It’s amazing what people can find out about you just from a name, your birthday and a location. When I first started I didn’t think anything about using my real name or location or job. That all changed when I had a woman I had been talking to show up on my door in tears. She had used my information to look up my address (Ends up it’s not that hard and you’d be amazed the kind of information you can get online, especially if you’re willing to pay $20). She seemed like a perfectly sane person online but when she showed up it was obvious she had quite a bit of drama going on in her life that I had no desire to be a part of. That was the end of posting the “real me” on dating websites. Now I use an obviously fake name, alter my birthday by a month and year, and have a generic job description.

I get to travel quite a bit with my job so I’ve noticed that what’s true for one website in one area may not be true in another but here are my impressions of various websites in my local area:

Tinder: I’ve had a lot of success with Tinder. When it started it was really great because when you matched someone there was already a kind of understanding that it was just about hooking up. Lately as it has become more popular there seems to be more and more women using it to find a boyfriend or serious relationship so it’s not as easy as it was though. I’ve found with Tinder timing is key. The last thing you want is to be clicking through women and getting matches during lunch on a weekday. By the time you get to the weekend you and her have gotten a dozen other matches and forgotten about each other. Wait until a Friday or Saturday night so when you get the match you know she’s lonely stuck at home or in a bar or club with no guys she’s interested in and looking for something to do.

OKC: OkCupid has been a mixed bag. I consider it a step above POF but a step below match.com with many women on both also having accounts on OKC. Be careful with how you search or who you contact. There is a filter that women can use that will block out any men who have searched for Casual Encounters or write the first message to women looking just for Casual Encounters. It also doesn’t do a good job of filtering out by location so you’ll get a lot of responses from women who are nowhere close to you. I’m apparently very popular in Russia.

POF: I’ve had the most success with POF. Just look for the women who have intent listed as casual encounters or not looking for anything serious. Too easy. These days I don’t respond to many ads. I just wait for them to respond to mine. Going back to my example of how many messages a woman gets I’ve found it’s easier to just let the ones that are interested respond to me.

Craigslist: I’ve had a few successes from Craigslist in the past but honestly don’t bother much anymore. It’s not worth the time and effort. Too many scammers and the ones that are real will probably give you a disease. The few times I have met up recently with someone off of Craigslist I have had to say no thanks after meeting them in person.

Adult Friend Finder: I’ve had pretty good luck with AFF. No real surprise I guess as it’s a site all about people looking for sex. I’ve found the greatest value to AFF is to see all the profiles of women who also have profiles on all the other regular dating sites. I’m still amazed every time I spot a woman on there talking about how much they like being tied up and pissed on when they have a POF profile that talks all about how they’re “not interested in hook ups” or “that kind of girl”. I’ve found the best method in that case is to not contact them on AFF but to contact them on POF without mentioning their AFF profile with the knowledge that they’re a secret freak and play it from there. Sometimes the woman will use the same face pic on AFF and other dating sites but usually not so you’ll have to be clever in matching up ages/locations/birthmarks or tattoo’s in photos, etc… I know that sounds really stalker-ish like I’m sitting in a basement for hours crossreferencing photos and profiles but it’s really not. After you’ve been on any of the sites for a little while you just come to recognize certain profiles or photos and it’s easy to go “hey this chic looks/sounds familiar”.

Backpages: Not into escorts or paying for sex but the free dating sites are full of working girls and most will use the same pictures on both. It’s a good way to weed out the prostitutes.

Younger Women:
If I only knew then what I knew now. One of the things that surprised me the most when I started dating was how many younger women I could get. I am very fortunate to look much younger than my age but still… Not to be cliche but lots of young women out there with daddy complexes. No wonder I couldn’t get with any women when I was 21, they were all out banging 30 something’s. It’s kind of a mixed blessing though. Although I find younger women attractive physically I’ve found that once the sex is done they don’t offer much in way of mental stimulation and honestly, they are pretty unexperienced and too timid in bed to be much fun. These days I tend to stay away from anyone under 25.

Cars: I really never thought women thought much of the kind of car I had but couldn’t have been more wrong. Call it a mid-life crisis or whatever you want but after being sensible and only owning used little Japanese gas efficient cars all my life I finally bought a brand new sports car. I can’t say that it’s gotten me laid but… it has, which was surprising to me.

Negging: Another one for the if I only knew list. I honestly don’t want to say this, because I don’t want it to be true… but I have to say I have found that after spending most of my life being the “goody goody” loyal boyfriend type that women really do seem to be attracted to guys who don’t care about them. You can’t be an asshole about it and most of the pick up comments on here about negging I have to laugh at but there does seem to be something about a sincere, genuine I don’t care about you attitude that keeps them coming back.

General: I have never sent any nude pictures of myself. For one, there are too many fakes out there that are just collecting pictures. Where do you thing all those websites get their pictures from? For two, if a girl is asking for those kind of pictures then it’s clear she’s interested in knowing what you look like “down there” so make her come see for herself.

If you’re ever with a girl for the first time and she insists on not using a condom then you need to take a deep breath… and no matter how hard it is, put your pants back on and tell her that you won’t be having sex. Have had to do this a few times, it sucks, but so glad I did. Truth is girls get knocked up, and if it was by some loser then they’ll try to “upgrade” the daddy. Not hating, I would probably do the same thing. Don’t get caught.
Each time I hook up with a girl I always send a text afterwards. Something like “That was amazing”. For one it’s just nice but more importantly I’m looking for a similar reply. Save these. I don’t know how much it would stand up in a court but I always feel better knowing that if she ever gets pissed and decides to falsely claim rape or assault I’ve got some sort of proof that it was consensual and that she enjoyed it.* Same for anytime a woman tells me that she’s on her period. I always save those too incase she suddenly decides that I’m the baby daddy. Bonus Info: Modern ultrasounds are accurate to within a few days of the date of pregnancy. If you’re the daddy, or even if it’s possible, then man up and own it but if not then don’t fall victim to someone trying to use you.

*Don’t feel like I should have to say this but, rape is obviously wrong and I have never had any relations with a woman where it was not clear that it was completely consensual. Even when you tell a woman up front that you only want sex and they agree they do too sex can screw with people’s emotions (men and women) and they can get attached afterwards and things can get ugly. False accusations happen all the time. Better safe than sorry.

No matter how stuck up, rude or bitchy a woman is never, ever be rude or insulting to them. If she flags you or reports you dating websites will always take the side of a woman, no questions asked. You will get banned. For some websites this is just a matter of creating a new profile, for some like POF which will IP ban you it can mean you’re done. When I first started using dating websites I was one of those that felt that everyone who took the time to write to me deserved a response and I would try to put them down easy. But the truth is that no matter how nicely you word it some women do not handle rejection well and will report you just out of revenge to make themselves feel better. Again, the websites will take their side no questions asked. Better to just ignore their messages if you’re not attracted.

Eventually you’ll run into a situation where you’re talking to a girl and one of her friends. You can be sure that they are talking to each other and are sharing any messages you send them. Sometimes one of them will tell you but usually you’ll just have to figure it out on your own. A good indication is when you start getting messages or texts from two girls around the same time or one starts asking you questions about things you mentioned to the other one. The only thing to do is to write both of them off. You’re not going to get anywhere with either of them and you’re only setting yourself up to get played with. There have been times when I was talking to a girl who said that I was also talking to one of her friends and when I couldn’t figure out who it was I just completely dropped everyone I was talking to. There will always be new women on these sites, don’t be afraid to hard reset.

For any ladies reading this:

“Casual encounter” or “Just friends” is not what you think it means. Those are code words, men AND women use, for casual sex and hook ups on every site out there. Do us all a favor and change your profile to looking for a relationship. You’ll get less dick pictures, keep yourself from getting hurt, and we’ll all be happier.

If a guy is honest enough to tell you that he’s only looking for a physical relationship in a respectful way, as in not just saying “u dtf?” but explains that he’s not interested or emotionally ready to handle a relationship, then you need to accept that and respect it. I know the idea that you’re going to be the one that someone breaks through our hard bad boy shell and change us is appealing but you only have yourself to blame when you end up getting hurt. There are a lot of guys out there that will lie and manipulate you to get what they want, don’t be hard on us that are trying to be honest.