I’ll start off with a non-dating example and then analogize it to dating.

I’m a solo attorney. I put myself out there “into the market” for people looking for lawyers. Throughout the week, I have “new” people “expressing interest” in whatever I have to offer. I have certain rules for myself. One of them is, “no sign = no time.” The other is, “no dime = no time.” Everyone is always trying to get me to do free courtesy favors, and waste my time on their issues. But some people are actually paying clients. So, I need to be able to filter out who is who (all within a very narrow window before they move along and retain another lawyer).

I “spin plates” for business. $20,000 retainer here. $15,000 retainer there. 33% contingency case here. $350/hr case there. At any given moment, all my “business” is ... is:

  • potential clients I simply have to say “yes” to;
  • work in progress;
  • work completed (but unbilled);
  • Billed/Invoiced (but uncollected);
  • Paid (cash in hand).

There are multiple areas where this system can fall apart, and multiple things I can do to mitigate and control those risks. For example, collection risk (billed/uncollected to paid/cash). That’s simple. No retainer = no representation. Work completed to billed? That’s simple, invoice every week or two weeks, religiously as a matter of standard procedure. Work in progress to work completed? That’s simple. Just get up off your ass and off your phone, and work!

The most critical aspect of your business, however, (imo, for this type of business) are the “clients” you accept as new clients. But again, the solution is simple, you choose them, so you have to explore the nature of you exercising your choice.

Your choice is a function of:

  • your options;
  • your values;
  • your experience.

“Values and experience,” while arguably more important than “options,” is not really the issue that most guys seem to be concerned about on here. So, I’ll reluctantly skip over it for the sake of giving the people what they want.

Options:

If I need $20,000 per month to operate and exist as a business, then I need to “collect” $20,000 per month. In order to “collect” $20,000 per month, I need to “bill” $20,000 per month. In order to “bill” $20,000 per month, I need to “earn” $20,000 per month. In order to “earn” $20,000 per month, I need to “provide” $20,000 “of work” per month. In order to “provide” $20,000 “of work” per month, I need clients who “need” $20,000 “of work” ... per month.

How do I get them? Where do I find them? Those are the easy questions. The difficult question is, how do I handle them once I find them?

Attraction:

Social proof. Credibility. Past performance. Past results. Testimonials. Website. Advertising. Live seminars and events. Referrals. Basically, not only awareness, but feeling safe and comfortable to act on the desire or need looking to be satisfied. All the awareness in the world (alone) will not lead to “attraction.” But, obviously vice versa. You can be the most attractive X in the world. But if nobody is aware of you, you’ll have similar results.

Prospecting:

They will call or reach out to you. If you have exactly $20,000 of potential work needed by all your perspective clients, you don’t have options. You need to accept all $20,000 of work just to continue to exist. That means, low billable rate work, not on your terms, with shitty cases that are going to ruin your professional reputation with the courts, other lawyers and potential clients, and difficult nightmare clients.

Your options only begin when you have the luxury of saying no. I remember the first time this happened to me. I’m a nice guy. I love to help everyone and anyone I can. But I can’t. There is only so much time in the day, and I work for a living, and I don’t work for free. So, when I said “no” to a potential client with a shit case, that was a clear as day payment risk, who was looking for favors and free work, and who was clearly neurotic, I felt bad. I felt guilty. I felt rude and insensitive. But most importantly, I felt weird. This was foreign to me. It was the first time I didn’t need to accept new business to simply continue to exist.

But what did doing that in turn allow me to do? It allowed me to take on work for $350/hr., with a $20,000 retainer on deposit and a third party having a duty to indemnify my client (i.e., ultimately foot 100% of the bill). It helped me take on almost exclusively good and interesting cases, which resulted in punished appellate decisions and law journal coverage, and caused larger law firms to reach out to me to serve as of counsel for trial, on appeal, oral arguments, or even taking a deposition of a key witness.

But the important part in this story is that I would never have that progress without being able to say no.

Conversion:

Converting a potential client into a current client is not even an issue imo. It’s as simple as saying “yes.”

Dating analogy:

Guys on here keep referring to “spinning plates” as this stage or phase in dating after you have already converted a potential relationship into an actual relationship with a girl. When I say “relationship,” I don’t mean exclusive, committed, monogamous (obviously); I just mean, you’re already having sex.

IMO, this is a mistake of use of language, and therefore, in “thinking” about the process as a whole.

“Spinning plates” is prospecting “potential new relationships.”

It’s a very relaxed, low intensity, low investment process. It is not devoting more than one hour of your time to any single girl per week!!!

Whether you do this via an app or over your phone and text messages, or short phone calls, whatever, the point is ... “keep it casual” is not some “game” you’re playing on women, it’s a “necessary concession to the shortness of life.”

You don’t go from:

Meeting new girl —> communication —> relationship —> add to plates being spun

This is wrong and incorrect, imo.

IMO, the proper way to do it is:

Meet new girl —> communication —> add to plates being spun —> prospect —> relationship

“Spinning plates” is basically nothing more than dropping a girl a few lines and very light and casual communication once every other day during the week. You’re still building and maintaining a relationship with her. But the most important thing is that you have the line of communication going. You are saying, “I like you, I’m not ignoring you, but we’re also not dating or in a relationship. I’m not your boyfriend or husband, so, check yourself and relax. We can keep talking, because I still like you.”

That’s it!

Not active flirting. Not trying hard to have sex. None of that. Just someone you have an open line of communication with ... who you still like talking to and care about emotionally even 1%, and who shares the same feelings towards you and is interested in continuing to talk to you too.

Stop this obsession with being so outcome oriented and jumping right to some devoted exclusive/committed full blown relationship with every girl you like

“Spinning plates,” done this way, genuinely and relatively effortlessly, gives you an abundance “mentality” ... because (drumroll) ... you now have an abundance “reality.”

You’ve been working and prospecting those leads so that at any given moment, all you need to do is say yes to a relationship or taking things to the next level with any one of the 3-5 girls you’re actively talking to weekly, and you have whatever you want ... sex, a relationship, company, a deeper emotional connection and level of intimacy, etc.

So, when you’re dating one of those girls in your China collection, you don’t give a fuck about any particular outcome, validation, pushing or rushing towards anything. You’re not running a business. You don’t need to bill 2 hours of sex this week to pay your bills for this month and continue to exist.

What will naturally happen? Economics, that’s what will happen. Whoever you’re dating is going to realize (without you needing to say a word, and even despite you being a gentleman about it and downplaying it and not rubbing it in her face) that her window of opportunity is limited. If you’re not really feeling her, then back in the China cabinet she goes, and you’re hitting up someone else from your contacts (not as a punishment to her, but out of boredom and absence of the kind of intimacy you’re looking for on your part).

Women can feel this.

I’m not saying date multiple women at the same time. All I’m saying is, when you’re dating one girl at a time, her reaction to you is totally different if you’re:

  • actively talking to another 3-5 girls at the same time;

vs

  • talking only to the same one and only girl you’re dating and devoting to her your complete and full attention.

If this girl really likes you (because that’s really the starting point for any kind of analysis), but she can feel or knows she’s the only girl you’re talking to with some kind of ongoing mutual sexual/romantic tension ... she’s not exactly feeling any kind of fire under her feet. She can take all the time in the world, and feel reasonably certain that she’s not really risking you walking away to explore your other options ... which do not currently exist.

This is your dating life if you have approach anxiety or have some moral issues or hang ups about simply TALKING to multiple women at the same time.

On the other hand, the dynamic and motivation for action is completely different when she can feel or knows she’s the not the only girl you’re talking to with some kind of ongoing mutual sexual/romantic tension. It doesn’t really have so much to do with competition or jealousy, as much as loss aversion and risk of loss. The risk of loss is real and probable in this case. Therefore, she is motivated to act to mitigate the risk of you walking away.

This is your dating life if you simply APPROACH women and have no moral reservations about simply TALKING to multiple women at the same time.

You don’t need to be in a relationship with or having sex with multiple women at the same time in order to have actual and real abundance.