I have a unique situation. I matched with [let’s call her] Sarah a few months ago and we got off to a decent start, I set up a date, she flaked (classic), and then after some time had passed, said she was seeing someone else and I just left it. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, I reinitiated contact but this time more concise, I called her, we had a really nice conversation and I ended by asking her out, she obliged and I could tell & feel that her interest level was high again. 1st date went well enough that we met again that evening. I kept it cool and just enjoyed her company. 2nd date was also pretty cool and I could tell she expected more from me because she very hesitantly asked if I could drop her off (I usually refrain from doing pick ups/drop offs because well I don’t want to do too much and I think such things should be more reserved for a special person) anyway, I would say the interest level was high, we were intimate (closeness etc) and it was nice. 3rd date is where it gets interesting. I go to pick her up at 20:00, she’s late and I keep cool, patient and try to be understanding and several minutes go by. She invites me up to wait for her whilst she gets ready. She had the impression that I was really upset, but only because I addressed the situation, I calmly asked her if she was okay, if there was an issue and what the issue was - seeing as I was waiting for her for several minutes. Anyway, we eventually set off for our dinner date, for which she then asks if I was seeing other women at some point. I was honest and I told her that yes I was seeing other women. As you can imagine, she was taken a back by this and I felt as though I had to qualify my feelings for her and that I liked her, that she wasn’t just anybody. Though I felt it was very early on, I got the impression that she was in a relationship with me, whilst I was dating her (I hope that makes sense). Anyway, I drop her off and she said she needed time to process everything. I said no problem at all.

The next day I checked in and said that I’ll give her space but I didn’t want to not say anything after such a dense and heavy conversation. She later replied with an ultimatum saying that she doesn’t want to continue, lest I cut off all my other options and fully invest in her. I called her in the evening, we spoke about all these topics; the first couple of dates, her need for provision, safety and comfort, relationships vs dating, and the morals of how to date or how to go into dating etc etc.

I tried to end the conversation respectfully by giving her some time back and ending on a positive. A day has gone by and I haven’t reached out nor has she.

It seems as though, this is the pivotal, no contact phase that so many people speak off. I don’t plan on reaching out, but I do feel conflicted because I am moved to make changes (ie to stop seeing other women) but at the same time, I feel as if I’m giving way too much and not really being given the space or time to process my feelings thoughts, and to be honest, tho she has showed grace, she’s very attractive and we have connected, I’m not assured of any loyalty to me, consistency, ability to take my emotional needs into consideration etc.

Thoughts? 💭