Especially if you are the romantic kind of guy (absolutely nothing wrong with it, I am one too).
I know, it sucks. But the moment you see her becoming more distant or disinterested stop chasing her. Do not contact her anymore and put yourself first.
I'm not saying you shouldn't even try to resolve things. Maybe a little talk with her will help you understand better what is going on. However, if even after that she has always the same behaviours , just stop.
Do not ghost her, tell her simply how you feel (yes, do not be afraid to express your feelings, you should've told her way before arriving at this point) and that is better for you to focus on yourself because clearly, things between you two aren't working out.
And then focus on yourself for real. No stalking her on social media, no messages, nothing. She doesn't exist anymore to you. Go back to the point you were before meeting her and resume from there.
If you try to insist too much and force things you just become annoying. She will respect you much more if you leave her be. Plus, the probability of her contacting you again in the future is much higher, because you left things in an amicable way.
Do not hold a grudge, do not be angry. You do not possess her. This is just how relationships work, you should always cherish the good memories and go on with your life.
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And if you start talking again and seeing eachother after a year would you still look for something serious with her? Should you consider the first time you dated her or start from scratch? Would you give another chance to the potential relationship or would you remind yourself of how she became distant and avoid getting into the same pattern all over again?
Your message spoke to me because a year ago I was too intense with one girl, she did exactly what you said (became distant) but she didn't confront me on how she felt. I suffered in silence for a week and a half before telling her that I'm assuming that she lost interest and that it's okay and we could be friends (that was me giving up on her basically, I couldn't handle any more pain; I had to turn the page)
Fast forward to this summer we started seeing each other after a year of not talking. Drank, danced, had fun, lots of talking, kissed, had sex, she's still interesting and she seemed interested once again. I confronted her about last year and she mentioned something along the lines of "I wasn't ready" (It is reasonable I was waaay too intense for the amount of dates we had) Considering my past with her, I'm taking my time slower with her since I don't want to fall into the same issue again We still see each other every week for dates. A month ago I told her that I am interested in her but as of right now I just want to get to know her more and have fun together. I asked her if she was willing for something serious and she said yes (and she seemed disappointed about my statement, clearly) Now I'm the one making her wait/she always wants to see me even tho I told her I'm not ready to be in a relationship right now. Any clue on what could be interest if I told her black on white that I am not ready? (Our dates aren't relying on sex so I doubt she's in for sex only; we go to gyms together, we talk, eat out, go for drives, walk, go to parties together, etc but I can't bring her home since I live with my parents [23M] and she does too) Maybe she wants to see me often to accelerate the process of me telling her that I'm finally ready to commit? I'm the kinda guy that go with the flow and I hate relationship labels (I might have commitment issues now especially with her since she somewhat damaged me a year ago) Any idea on why she's still onto me could be interesting and appreciated, cheers
[–]Selecto_[S] 7 points8 points9 points (3 children) | Copy Link
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Well said, thanks for the advice. Key words that I'll remember: Expect her to lose interest again and cherish the memories I am creating with her in the present moment.
Now I'm encountering another problem; I invited her over to sleep at my house 3 days ago and my mother is now upset, not because I invited a girl over but because I'm "forgetting about the past and what she did to me". She doesn't like her at all because of how I reacted a year ago when she went ghost mode suddenly (obviously hurt) and that's another big issue for me..! Anyways I decided to let things go, she won't come back to my house until my mom cools off/get to know the full story, and that's IF she changes her views on her. Things are fucked haha
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I don’t think you’re leaving in an amicable way like you said if you just disappear from her life randomly just because she’s not attracted to you. Doing that is way too extreme, you’re giving it more importance than you think and it seems resentful.
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