The nice guy

foxglovebox · 2013-02-16T14:15:21+00:00

I have such a problem with the usage of the word "nice". People throw it away without really meaning it all the time. Let's look at what it's supposed to mean in the context of applying it to a human being. A nice person is someone who is kind, generous, considerate, compassionate, empathetic and principled. Correct? All of those traits are very attractive when I see them demonstrated in a fellow person.

But when a woman says, "You're a nice guy but..." she probably doesn't really mean that you're nice. She means, "I'm afraid to insult you with my rejection and I'm trying to palliate it by giving you the most generic compliment I can muster." So fear not, my friend. There is no need to believe that you are truly nice.

cawdor83 · 2013-02-16T10:36:06+00:00

It's not really about being nice, it is more about self-confidence. I mean, shy guys tend to be nice, and douchebags tend to be ultraconfident, but we must not confuse shyness with niceness and douchebaggery (?) with confidence.

If you are a nice guy and confident about yourself you're gonna attract a lot of women.

NYCkingpin · 2013-02-16T07:15:41+00:00

[permanently deleted]

eddkov · 2013-02-16T10:45:46+00:00

Confidence, confidence, confidence, if you were truly confident then you wouldnt be on a website looking for confirmation. This isnt an insult or anything, I'm simply telling you where you are starting out. You can improve your confidence and when you do the situation will most definitely change. First thing is to stop jacking off and to start working out, you will be amazed at the changes that happen in your life just from those two things.

blindwombat · 2013-02-16T14:01:08+00:00

Nice/Kind, Factual/Interesting, Funny/Fun, Random/Spontaneous, Arrogance/Confidence, Confidence/Comfort.

These words are all similar but they are by no means the same thing. These are the basic word pairs that most guys fall down on.

A lot of people talk about being genuine and the "be your best self" mantra well these are five areas that people make mistakes in all the time and because most people make these mistakes it's sort of taken as the right direction to go.

I'd expand more on the others, but for now nice vs. kind. We're all told to be nice from a young age, the idea is that most human beings are horrible, savage, creatures and we have to put on this facade so we can get what we want. This is where the nice guy front comes from, this idea that if you put on a facade women will fall for you and sleep with you. This just doesn't happen because what you are really after shines through and it comes across as creepy to most girls. Even a guy who is doing something genuine for someone will come across to most people as creepy because it's like watching a magic trick that you know how to perform.

So how do you solve this problem? Start being kind. The difference between nice and kind is the level of caring and the attitude you take towards other people. Stop doing nice things for just girls and start doing it for other people as well. You need to learn to have a selfless edge about you that there is actually a space for other people in your life other than yourself. I'm sure enough people will read this and decide it's soppy b/s and will result in people walking over you. I would offer this: be selective in your kindness. Treat it like something that has to be earned but can be earnt by reciprocation. This is more genuine than "being nice", someone scratches your back you scratch there's, it's more natural to repay someone in kindness for being kind than it is for one person to consistently spout poems and compliments whilst getting nothing back. Learn to recognise someone being kind and repay them back.

Learning the difference between those five word pairs is key to life as well as seduction.

yardapesbb · 2013-02-16T15:10:31+00:00

Get a book called 'No more Mr Nice Guy' by Robert Glover.

JoieTheVivre · 2013-02-16T23:36:20+00:00

That "nice guy" they're talking about isn't being "nice". It's actually telling you that you're socialy-awkward. I know, it's not nice. IT IS an insult.

Saying "I dress better, therefor I should be the alpha in this group" is flawed. It's only a minor part in the equation. You are friendzoned because you're being an AFC, or even a beta-male.

Start reading here more. Start with things such as Kino (touch). They help you signal from the very start that you're not like the other guys.

2013-02-17T01:14:20+00:00

A girl called me nice the other week, my god that made me so fucking furious.

Context HB7/8 and she had just got out of a relationship - obvious teasing, got some IOI's and went for kino, usual stuff nothing extraordinary. I wasn't really pushing hard for this one, but she was cute and had a fantastic personality so I was like "alright, go for it."

But lo and behold she breaks out the fucking n word. I would rather she have called me a dirty jew or something. But nope, there she goes. "You're such a nice guy."

wow. I mean, I barely knew her as well - she worked in the same building, and casual acquaintances, but that was a fucking kick to the dick right there. I'm fairly sure she doesn't know how its a bad thing to say to a guy, but on a subconscious level she basically hit me with her most powerful "I don't want to and never will fuck you" card almost right out of the bat.

Its not like i gave up there, but once she dropped that particular number, it was pretty clear what her intentions (or complete lack of interest) was, she needed some positive attention post-breakup. I (being a foolish AFC prior to all this) was familiar with this exact scenario, and had to make my exit asap, before I ended up buying her drinks all night, calling her a cab home and jerking off alone at home.

It was pretty frustrating, but these lessons you learn hard from. I moved on an made sure not to try and fuck up so hard again that night.

Anyway, to explain why i got so angry with it, a friend of mine (a girl) explained it: basically its the word that at once gives a clue to what a girl feels about you - specifically how much she's interested in you. If you're "nice" you offer nothing - you're boring, bland, of minimal value - you're a tool. You're her emotional crux, her atm, her fucking hairband while she vomits into a toilet. You're not a guy who she's friends with at all - you're an 'it' who makes her feel good about herself.

Now, girls want to be attracted to stable, kind, polite and able men, but they just aren't. Attraction isn't just something you switch on and off, its incredibly hard to control. Why does she want the confident jackass, or the brooding douchey poet guy with eyeliner? Because they're fucking mysterious, and don't offer themselves up to her straight away. They aren't eager to please, and they get who they want by signalling to her how much they can get by without her.

To put yourself into that position where a girl wants you, you're gonna have to let go of desire. Its a very zen thing - keep a calm fucking air of "i could take it or leave it." Its awe-inspiring how much that cloak of confidence works, and how much it works so much better than this over the top peacock business.

NomadicBit · 2013-02-18T21:57:39+00:00

Everyone is saying it...but I want to one more time. It's all about confidence man. Do you have hobbies? Do you have interests that you are passionate about? Do you show off either of these? Do you maintain an even temperment at all times. Then you are probably close to being one confident mofo. If not, go out and find your interests, and passions and show them off to the world. Only then will you be on your way.

Also while chicks may dig a well dressed guy, dressing well isn't necessary to pick up chicks

2013-02-16T19:56:42+00:00

You need to be more direct with them, let them know that you want to be more then friends and most importantly take charge. That nice guy finish last shit is false. The only people who finish last are the one's who don't put in enough work.

Title	The nice guy
Author	robokiller
Upvotes	0
Comments	15
Date	February 16, 2013 7:09 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/18mmnu/the_nice_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-nice-guy.1347509 https://theredarchive.com/post/1347509

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