I don’t know about you, but shit tests confuse me. Sometimes the right response seems to be to make a joke, but sometimes it seems like making a joke would be the worst thing you could do. What gives?

After taking some time to think about it, I think I’ve come up with a unique understanding of shit tests that will help a lot of guys. This guide doesn’t include every single scenario that this community defines as a “shit test,” but it includes the really tricky ones, which I think should be the focus in the first place. More importantly, it will give you a frame work for understanding and dealing with shit tests that doesn’t require that you memorize “If she says x, I say y.” If a girl throws a shit test at you that you’ve never read about, now you have a guide to help you deal with it.

First, and most importantly, there are different categories of shit tests. Each category has an appropriate response.

Second, the difference between the categories is often dependent on context, rather than the type of test. The same words mean different things depending on when and how they’re said. This makes learning how to respond to shit tests difficult over the internet; you’re going to have to exercise common sense and judgment in the moment to determine exactly what kind of shit test it is. Sometimes a shit test can even seem to fall into several of these categories, in which case the best response will depend on where you think the girl is coming from, psychologically.

Category 1: She’s complaining about the product

In sales, there’s an idea that if a potential customer complains about a product you’re trying to sell, it’s a good thing. For one, it gives you the chance to address the objection. Further, people don’t complain about things they don’t care about or aren’t interested in.

The same is true in seduction. You are the product, and a shit test is often the girl making a complaint about it because she’s considering buying it. The correct response is to address the objection, directly or indirectly.

By “indirectly,” I mean that sometimes what a girl is REALLY concerned about either isn’t being expressed directly, or can’t be addressed directly. For example, age gaps: if you’re younger or much older than a girl and you get asked about it, the correct response is to exaggerate and make light of the age discrepancy. The reason is that the age gap isn’t the real issue, or at least not one that you can do anything about; if she’s not down to date older or younger men, that’s out of your control. But more often, especially with older guys, the issue is whether YOU’RE comfortable with the age gap. Humor signals confidence; joking about your age (or hers, if she's younger) signals that you’re comfortable with your age, so long as you’re not too self-depreciating.

Probably the most common shit test guys post is, “are you a player?” First, a player is not someone who sleeps with a lot of women, or to whom many women are attracted. A player is someone who lies to women.

Despite what many of you seem to think, being thought of as a player is not a good thing. Seduction is often about validation; both men and women want to feel validated for having snagged a good catch. Sleeping with any and every girl out there robs a girl of the validation she would get for sleeping/dating you, in much the same way that a slutty girl robs you of the validation you would get from sleeping with her. A girl might overlook the fact that a guy is slutty if she is attracted enough to him, but she’ll be sleeping with him in spite of, and not because of, his player status.

(I’ll make one caveat to this rule – having a reputation for sleeping with a lot of very beautiful women works in the opposite way, for the same reason – validation.)

Now, most of the time, if you get the “are you a player” shit test, the girl isn’t ACTUALLY concerned with how many girls you’ve slept with; if she was, she’d ask that. What she is communicating is, “you’re a bit too smooth, to the point that your persona seems fake somehow. I feel like you’d lie to sleep with me.” This is something that you should strive to fix so you don’t get the shit test in the first place, but there are definitely right and wrong answers.

Paradoxically, the wrong answer is to try to convince her that you’re not a player. Why? Because like I said, she’s worried that you’re trying to somehow trick her into sleeping with you. Saying something like, “oh no I’m a great guy” or whatever is only going to ring false, like…you’re lying to her! The correct response is to say something risky – something real. I like “I’m not a player, I just crush a lot.” Or maybe even "I don't mislead any girls about what I want." That would be an especially appropriate response if you get this type of shit test at the end of the night, when you're trying to take the girl home with you.

Example of a direct objection: Tucker Max has a story about meeting a girl in a bar, and his friends then wanting to go to a strip club. Here’s some great dialogue:

Blonde: “So, what brings you guys to Dallas?”

El Bingeroso (Tucker’s friend): “We came to go to a strip club.” El Bingeroso is engaged and a cock-blocking jerk. Thanks asshole, I didn’t want to fuck her or anything.

Redhead: “Did you really come to Dallas to go to a strip club?”

Tucker: “No, no. We had a week off from law school, so we came to visit some friends, hang out, that sort of thing. El Bingeroso just wants to go to a strip club he heard about.” [This is a lie, they did go to Dallas just to go to a strip club. But admitting that is a good way to not get laid]

Redhead: “Do you like strip clubs? Those places are gross.”

Tucker: “Yeah, they are kinda gross. But my friends really want to go, so what can I do? I don’t know anyone in Dallas. Besides, I like naked breasts.”

Notice how he doesn’t make a joke here – her objection is real. But he doesn’t supplicate, either. “Yeah, I’d NEVER go if my friends weren’t making me” would be a beta response. He owns the fact that he likes tits.

Later on – I find Tucker’s editorial comments particularly insightful:

Tucker: "Redhead, come on, let’s all go to the strip club. It’ll be a good time.”

Redhead: “Don’t go to a strip club. You know those girls don’t care about you.”

SlingBlade (Tucker’s Friend): “That’s not true. They sit on my lap and tell me they love me.” SlingBlade usually chooses the funny joke over the smart play. And this, folks, is why he gets no pussy. Well…that, and he has no confidence in his game, thinks all women are cheating sluts, and is scared of emotional commitment.

Category 2: Bratty behavior

Girls tend to do this when they’re young and attractive. They’ve just matured into attractive women, and the attention they get from men has sky rocketed. They haven’t yet been humbled by a situation in which they’ve fallen for an attractive guy who himself gets a lot of attention from women. As a result, they’re power drunk. They think that men are a bit below them, even if they’re attracted to these men. So they act like brats, because they think they can (and often do) get away with it, and that obviously makes them lose respect for the men who allow themselves to be treated like doormats.

The correct “answer” to this type of shit test is usually to treat them exactly as they’re acting – like a child. This thread is a great example of that. One shit test that comes to mind falls in this category, but requires a different response: “buy me a drink,” the correct answer, in my opinion, being, “I’ll buy you a drink if you buy me one.”

Category 3: She’s rejecting you

Simple enough. “I have a boyfriend,” “we’re trying to have a conversation,” or “ew, go away” are good examples. The correct response, if you want to try to plow, is humor. Good responses to the examples, respectively, would be: “Your parents must be so proud,” “that’s funny cause so was I,” and “What, did you fart?”

Category 4: Power play

You see this in relationships and dating, not so much before you’ve been sexual, but I thought I’d include it. She’s trying to make you supplicate somehow. If you go to The Red Pill, most of their posts about shit tests fall under this category. In a relationship, it’s important for you to be the captain, while your girl is the first mate; this shit test is a challenge to that power dymanic. The correct response is to call them out on their bullshit. An example from my personal experience: I asked an FWB to get a drink with me really late on a Friday night. When she showed up, she said something like, “I can’t believe you made me come get a drink with you so late. That’s so rude.” I responded with “Well if it’s too late, don’t fucking come. I didn’t make you do anything.” She later told me how much she liked the fact that I called her out on that bullshit…and that she knew when she said it that it was bullshit.

Category 5: Boundary testing

This is when a girl asks you some kind of inappropriate personal question, due to a lack of social intelligence. If you ever see an example of this, mark it down as something you shouldn’t do. The correct solution is dependent on circumstances. If it’s a first offense and it’s not that serious, and you don’t want to kill the vibe of the interaction, blow it off as a joke. If she does it again, you need to lay down the law and tell her that you won’t tolerate behavior like that. You can also just jump right to this last step, if you think the situation warrants it. Best example I’ve seen: guy gets girl 1’s number, then get’s girl 2’s number later in the night. Girl 1 agrees to go out on a date with the guy, then on the date asks, “did you get girl 2’s number that night?” The right way to respond depends on how the girl asks. If it seems like she wants validation, a joke might be the best course: “yeah, but I told her she had some stiff competition from you.” If she seems serious, establish a boundary: “yes, I’m single and I’m dating around. We’re not exclusive. I’d assume you’re also testing the dating pool.”

Category 6: teasing

You’re flirting and she teases you. Don’t get huffy; don’t feel like your manhood has been challenged. The correct response is to Agree and Amplify – showing you’re comfortable being the butt of a joke reveals confidence. If you can think of a witty comeback, that’s good too.