I met this very cute, very athletic HB8 Argentinian girl at Starbucks about a month ago. I have a thing for foreign women and accents. I started talking to her and ended up getting her number. She seemed very shy, but receptive. I asked her out for one day and she said she was busy, but agreed when I suggested another day.

I don't like to invest or expect too much, so I don't plan too much for first dates. A quick drink and go from there. We met at a bar I chose and we seemed to get along well. She told me how she's in the country for a few months studying English before she goes back to Argentina, and we shared a little bit. She didn't mind me being close to her, but didn't initiate back. She also didn't look me in the eyes. I cut the date a bit short because I didn't think she was feeling it. She said she had a great time and buried her head into my shoulder for the goodbye hug. I thought she was just being polite, but when I text her about a second date she was still very receptive.

  • Lesson One: Don't make assumptions, if you have any doubt just ask. If I thought she wasn't interested and blew her off, I would have never seen her again. This ties into Lesson Two...
  • Lesson Two: Take risks and don't fear being rejected. I've gone out on plenty of first dates where I thought things went well, but to never hear from her again. I took a risk because I wanted to know more about her. I've done this with other things too. I've been afraid to do something, but when I finally got the courage to do it, what I feared most never happened. I've taken risks that lead to some amazing encounters and sex, but also being yelled and told off by a woman for touching her. (Yelling at me in a bar as everyone watched)

Our second date was a week later and went extremely well. We ended up spending 8 hours together, but the same thing with her not touching me back, nor every looking at me in the eyes. We went mini-golfing, out for drinks, a walk on the beach, and out for dinner. At the end of the night I kissed her when she was lingering in my car waiting for me to make a move.

  • Lesson Three: There's no perfect time to make a move. I should have kissed her early on, but I was waiting for that perfect moment. I let her lack of eye contact get the better of me and doubt myself.

Our third date was a movie date and dinner at my place two weeks later since I went out of town. We spent another 8 hours together, but because it had been two weeks, she seemed a bit more distant and cold. She became more receptive to touch, but when I escalated she told me flat out that she's not sleeping with me, she barely knows me, and it's against her culture. I was cool with that and told her that we're not doing anything she isn't comfortable with, and if she wants to know me better, just ask. (Although I shouldn't have said that...) We continued throughout the night and ended up making out, her kissing my neck, hands all over me. She let me touch her breasts, but when I moved any lower she jumped up and told me flat out no. She ended up leaving around 1am for school the next day.

  • Lesson Four: Be open and vulnerable. I have issues with being open and vulnerable with people. This is my major downside, and I'm working on it. For the first three dates I didn't open up with her and our conversations were mostly small-talk.

I've learned not to be outcome dependent, but I was pretty frustrated that she was sending mixed signals, and I had no idea what was on her mind. I've never dated a south american woman before, so I thought it may be a cultural thing. I decided to give her one more shot and see what happens. We ended up having another movie and dinner date two nights ago, but at her place this time. I took my learning lesson from our previous movie date and became more open and vulnerable with her. There was almost no small talk for the first few hours. We talked about family, goals, friends, school, etc. I could tell this was working because her eye contact was very strong, and I could tell she was opening up to me. At a certain point she opened up and told me a giant bombshell. She woke up one morning a year ago to find her fiance dead next to her. Because of that she has a fear of commitment, being close, and she's afraid of the unknown. We talked a bit about it, and moved on to dinner and the movie.

We ended making out during the movie, and she was getting very hot and heavy, grinding herself against me, touching me, letting me grab her ass and breasts, touching her leg.. but every time we got any further than that she would tell me no. She's not ready and she's scared. We talked a bit about it, and she told me how badly she wanted to sleep with me, but she can't and she's scared. We had a very open conversation about it, and we finally ended up doing the deed, although she was extremely nervous and shy.

  • Lesson Five: Sometimes things are beyond your control and you have no idea what's going on. Her LMR wasn't because of me, but because of her traumatic past. Be flexible, be understanding, and remember she's a person too. She has feelings, and not some object to conquer.

I ended up staying the night, and we slept together again in the morning. She was still nervous and shy, but she started to open up a lot more. We've been texting more often, and she's definitely more invested in me now. We're planning to go out of town this weekend to a festival a few hours away, so we'll see what happens. She's leaving back to Argentina soon, but she wants to spend as much time as possible with me until she does. This experience has really changed some of my 'pick-up' and 'seduction' views. I liked her as a person, so I stuck with it, but I was ready to give up.

TL;DR: Read the bullet points.