This isn't really a question or even a useful story. But I figured maybe writing them down might help me with getting my thoughts in order. And since it was r/seduction that made me realize this all, I might as well post it here?

When I started uni, I met a girl. Cute, shy, into a lot of nerdy stuff, funny to talk to...and I quickly fell for her (at least I thought so).

We became friends. Because that's what I've been taught all my life. If you want a girl to become your girlfriend, you have to become friends with her first. And, of course, I never really made my intentions super clear, only indirectly, and always behaved entirely asexual because if you make sexual remarks towards a woman, you're a sexist pig and rapist wating to happen.

And before you accuse me of being a Nice Guy™ who was only befriending her to get into her pants: We genuinely got along well as friends too. And I'm still happy I met her even though nothing else will ever come from it.

So anyway, obviously nothing ever happened. In September, we were on a field trip together and the constant uncertainty drove me insane. So I came clean. I told her how I felt and just straight out asked her if she wanted to stay friends of if she wanted to try and take it further. That's when she told me she has had a boyfriend for three weeks. It destroyed me.

Like I said, that has been several months ago. Since then, I have attempted to become a better person, to improve myself. And I tried my best to get over her but I just can't seem to do it. I still don't think I could ever love anyone as much as her. The much promoted "abundance mentality" pisses me off more than anything and I feel like I don't deserve the love of a girl.

One of the things I did in the past months is read a lot of dating advice. r/seduction always kinda put me off because I didn't quite like its tone. But I recently read a few posts regardless and they made me think. Did I really love that girl? Sure, I love her like I love my other friends. But why was I attracted to her romantically and sexually? And it started to dawn on me: When we first met, she was as romantically and sexually inexperienced as I am. I have always been, and still am, convinced that no girl my age would put up with a 26 year old kissless viring except if she was inexperienced herself. So I latched onto her, thinking she would be the last chance of me to find love and intimacy. And now I have lost that last chance and I can't get over it.

Now, I still believe this. But I guess understanding why you're falling for someone is a useful insight? And maybe by starting to see the whole picture I might one day even be able to question my notions.