Currently drunk listening to metal in my car. Just came from a bar. Forgive me if I ramble. There’s merit, I promise. I won’t be driving until I’ve sobered up if that means spending the night where I am, then so be it - so nobody worries.

I suck at this. I suck at seduction. And I’m frustrated. I’m upset. Girl at the bar tonight I was interested in. Buddy of mine - it was a group of us from college - liked her too. We did the rivalry thing. I lost. I recognized it. I can recognize it. We both got her number. I clearly fucked up. He threw me off. I let him throw me off.

I don’t want to get over it. I want to learn everything about seduction there is, so that this never happens again. I’ll be a fucking sponge if I have to. Insatiable if I have to. Destroy him at every turn and every opportunity at the game.

I’ll read every resource on the sidebar. I’ll practice everything I can. I grew up an ugly duckling. Grew up with a hard life. I refuse to let it hold me back. Refuse to let myself be any further stunted. I want help. I want to change. Please, give me everything you’ve got. I’m learning, but nowhere near fast enough.

Maybe... Maybe this isn’t just about seduction. I think... I think this is about stepping my life the fuck up. I’ve been trying to quit reddit. I’ve been trying to stop squandering my time. This is a wake up call for me. I think I had lost sight of my worth and it manifested itself grotesquely tonight. I think... This is just the beginning. Thanks for listening.

Give me everything you’ve got.